The way I saw it...

I don’t know how it began;
I believe it began with a simple meeting of the eyes
And the passing of the smile😄.
For her he was the cloud⛅ over which she wanted to soar gracefully,🌠
enjoying every moment.
Even the brightness of light seemed to fade away in the face of his glorious radiance…🌟
He must have felt the same way because...
She became more attracted and never complained.
But happiness is too good to last for long.
They became growing apart...
And finally one day it all ended in the same place it all began.
He said sorry for his being distant,
But she had a little self respect left which she couldn’t afford to lose.
He insulted her for he was too childish to accept rejection…
She regretted what she had done,
Later she realised the harm was done,
She never told him anything,
Just cried all night and even refrained for eating:
But she could never estimate what he would do to her later;
He stalked her, mocked her
And never missed a chance of insulting her.
Notwithstanding these consequences,
She considered doing horrible things…
But she gathered all the courage to face everything,
When everyone left her side her father supported her.
Since, she has done everything in her power to block every thought of him…
Though few call her a s**t and a w***e ,
Those who know her truly understand what a beautiful heart '" she has…
A gentle heart which didn’t deserve all this suffering…
She has gone through a lot in life,
And yet she is the most jovial person I’ve ever seen.
Frankly speaking I think she puts on a fake smile to hide her pain
But the smile 😊is too convincing to doubt…
I think it is true when they say
A person who is happy at all times is the most pained of all…
I have to admit my mother is the bravest person I’ve ever known…
Cause living without a husband / companion is quite hard in this world🌍…

Author's Note

It's my first time so please give me some advice for future writing...

Reviews

[ZakLeonRamsey]

I quite like this, it shows how life works and the way you describe happiness, "happiness is too good to last for long", is excellent. You've presented a clear image, so clear, a blind man could see the image, as it was so clear. This poem, that you have written, presents life, the average person's way of life.

You get the first sight, the first sparks of love, you begin to love her so much, thinking that this relationship would last forever, but "happiness is too good to last for long", presents the truth in all this, followed by the meltdown of them both. They begin to dislike each other increasingly as time passes by, and the way you have written it, the way you have described it, is excellent. "A person who is happy at all times is the most pained of all…" That quote is also something that is definitely worth mentioning in my review. You are also correct in the quote. It isn't right to be happy forever, that would be really overbalanced in terms of how your emotions are used, a lack of sadness and anger. Nothing but happiness, I don't think you'd be human if you had ever, only used happiness. I like that quote. This guy's the average guy who gets through the average relationship cycle.

"Since, she has done everything in her power to block every thought of him… Though few call her a s**t and a w***e." Well done, that's quite a good quote as well. You're REALLY good at placing these kinds of quotes into your poem. "I believe it began with a simple meeting of the eyes and the passing of the smile (😄)", this would be a classic way of the relationship starting, the norms. Your words are also really good, some really good uses of your adjectives. Emotive language. I like emotive language. Overall, I love this poem, it is my favourite of the day, and I don't read many poems, daily, so that's quite good if you're writing for the first time. I think you should continue, I like this poem a lot.

I'll summarise my points. I) You've described the stereotypical way of a relationship to start, II) You've clearly described emotional phases THROUGHOUT the relationship, III) You've used really good words to describe these events and other parts of the poem, which is vital to creative writing, Gams, you can't forget these techniques, and don't worry, you haven't. IV) This is so good, it's my favourite poem of the day. I like to read poetry like this on an evening and you've done everything you can to have made this a good poem. I think you've taken your time with this. Good job, Gams.

Because I think your poetry is extremely worth reading now, and in the future, I'm going to subscribe to you, and I hope I will see another great piece of writing like this, again in the future, hopefully, sooner than I think. :)