Life At The Top

I want you to show me the way
(every day)
How to succeed, in three easy stages
Happiness, Love, and a say
in how your life moves through your ages
without damage or even delay

 

Fulfill a dream, nor lose it!
Achieve a goal and know it!
Enjoy a gift and keep it!
Sustain your soul and prize it!
Look before, not leap it!

 

You ain't seen nothin' yet
(you ain't been around)
When you've seen your dreams get wrecked
and your life drop to the ground
then come back to me, baby
and show me what you've found

 

Try to win ...and FAIL!
Try to love ...and HURT!
Try to learn ...and LIE!
Try to breathe ...and CHOKE!
Try to LIVE!

 

 

...and die.

Reviews

[J.M. Barrett]

This poem make me sad. The sense of hopelessness and cynicism is sort of... depressing?

I really liked how the last verse challenges the reader (in a sarcastic manner) to essentially find the opposite of what they are looking for as a means to comprehend the disappointment of the author (or whoever the poem is about).

"Try to win ...and FAIL!
Try to love ...and HURT!
Try to learn ...and LIE!
Try to breathe ...and CHOKE!
Try to LIVE!


...and die."

This would be a poem that I would love to hear in person at a poetry reading. The way it reads and the way it is formatted, it really conveys the emotion.

[A.Lee]

Wow, this is excellent. I love the last stanza. The only thing I saw was the first line of the last stanza. I think you meant "Fulfill a dream, (not) lose it!" If I'm wrong, sorry! I agree with Truly on the feel of this. There's such a stark difference in the first two stanzas and the last two. Like he's trying to find his dream, trying to get there and wants/needs that encouragement.. the hope that it can happen. And then it doesnt deliver. I absolutely loved the last two stanzas. The bite of reality really jumps at you. Nice work.

[Truly Ross-Wisehart]

I must say...I really like this. There are a few things that jump out at me. The first two lines of the first stanza set a tone of pleading;he wants her to hear him. He is encouraging, perhaps optimistic.

The first two lines of the third stanza set a tone of aloofness. He has seen it. He believes that what he has seen is such that she hasn't even come close. He is pessimistic and discouraged.

I have read this over and over. I am not even sure if I am articulating what I am getting from this properly. I will tell you this. It is excellent.

~Truly