To Exist Outside

A walk would do me good, they said -

a brisk jaunt at water’s edge,

to stain my pale skin pink, and fill

my lungs with hopeful air.

 

Along the dock I found my stride,

avoiding the iridescent entrails of fish,

and discarded J-hooks, glinting,

like long abandoned jewelry.

 

I caught the rhythm of laughing men

casting lines into a muddy harbor,

and I imagined breathing easier beneath

that murky reflection of Eos’ indigo eyes.

 

Leave this cluttered chamber, they said -

you are fading into the papered walls,

wilting like a snipped Hyacinth, and strangely

it seemed, I traded one mausoleum for another,

 

as rough hands pulled curved metal

from wet throats, and together,

(the fish and I) our sides heaved, as we

tried desperately to exist in the wrong world.

Reviews

[kublakhan27]

As the son of a fisherman, this one really spoke to me. In fact, some of the very scenes you've presented here were experienced by me when I was younger. The last stanza was incredibly moving....I can't explain why but it nearly choked me up. I guess I'm just ultra-sensitive to such things these days. A beautiful, resonant piece my friend.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Aaaww...well, i'm glad it hit you emotionally. I live near a fishing harbor, and I can't tell you how many times I've walked the piers and docks and felt choked up...almost deprived of breath. I'm not sure why; I can't figure out if it's despair or beauty...

[kublakhan27]

I just read it again and my guess would be the latter just based on this piece, though I can detect elements of despair too. It does choke me up at times to look out now though, cuz my Dad's ashes are out there somewhere. That's what drew me to this one.

[asdarkeyesclose]

'wilting like a snipped Hyacinth, and strangely
it seemed, I traded one mausoleum for another,'

some brilliant lines in this. i loved the whole scene, the walk by the water, the details you chose, the fish hook jewelry image stood out, as did the image of the sense of drowning on dry land, particularly poignant in the last stanza. my favourite i have read of yours so far, i just loved it. fantastic.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much...I'm glad you felt this one!

[Rita L. Sev]

This piece weighs heavy on my heart. I feel depression coming from the words, a desperate attempt to join another world (a nether world), only to feel panic there too...

Sarah, several years ago a colleague committed suicide by walking into the ocean... your poem brought her to mind... a powerful and very vivid poem.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you...though I am terribly sorry about your colleague. I have known people who have taken their lives, and it is something that is never truly forgotten.

[Mark Heathcote]

Great write! I’ve done a little bit of fishing and it can seem a cruel sport. When you catch something so very small that the whole experience is too much a shock and their lives force quickly drains away…
And sadly the world we occupy, for many of us can feel just as overwhelming.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, Mark!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

The ending makes me think of the song Hook In Mouth by Megadeth.
We live in a world where we are only told what the Government and media wants us to know. That is the wrong world for all of us. More extraordinary poetry by you.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you, my friend. I like that you got what you did from this piece...not exactly what was intended, but I agree with you completely!

[TL Boehm]

as rough hands pulled curved metal
from wet throats, and together,
(the fish and I) our sides heaved, as we
tried desperately to exist in the wrong world.

HOLY COW. I have felt for so long that I was in the wrong world - I just can't articulate what the right world would be....

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, TL!

[B-poet]

It's hard to exist within a place that's too treacherous for our well being. You've displayed this particular point well within this fine write. Great work Sarah. A fine write & read. :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you, my dear!

[J. J. Nightingale]

Some places are about life
Others are about suffering
And about death
We can not survive the angry world
We must travel on
Be fed and nurtured ..and Loved..

This is an excellent poem .. Jazz

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much!

[J. J. Nightingale]

You are welcome .. You deserve so much more than I am able jot down here .. You r a special writer ... J.

[Astro]

The 'Harbor' is traditionally, supposed to hold refuge from the tantrums of the blue-eyed Goddess, holding her back so that she can't spill upon the land any further. Your poem takes a walk on the edge of that madness, with graphic subtlety compounding the gravity of a 'fish out of water' story that pulls at the readers mental understanding of isolation and introversion like a 'J-Hook' in the mouth. Very well done. It made me think of a cat I had when I was a child. It was a wild barn kitten when I found him, but after months in the house, he had changed completely into a house cat and if we tried to put him outside, he would leap up on the outside of the screen door and cling there frantically. lol. Another great read, I do love your stuff.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Haha Love your story! The frantically clinging cat...I see a poem there :)

[Astro]

It could be called 'The Cat With Many Names' for each one of us in the family had a different name that we called him. Glad you liked the story, enjoyed the poem.

[K. Louis]

I like the connection with the fish in the concluding stanza. You carry the metaphor throughout the piece quite well. 'I traded one mausoleum for another' -- great line!

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Thank you so much, K.