Sadness

trying to breathe

with hollowed out lungs

this great immovable

weightless weight

heavier with each

rise and fall

Reviews

[Kelly Scheppers]

Great brevity exemplified here!

[Coyote Poetry]

Sadness, heartbreak can make us fall. When I was in some war. My grandfather died. I remember I walked into the desert. I fell down and cried alone. I agree dear Green sadness is a immoveable weight. We must learn to carry. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry and your thoughts.
Coyote

[Angelove]

Indeed sometimes life feels weight-full. Just keep going one minute at a time, and soon you'll see clearly. Keep up the beautiful writing!

[willweb]

Somedays are harder than others and to breathe, that movement of air that seems to be done without thought or concern, becomes difficult and we wonder. I believe I was holding my breath as I read this.

[Ken e Bujold]

nice imagery you have going here Green. A sharply written little slice of sensitivity.

I do have one possible alteration you might like to consider:
think how poem might read and feel if you altered weight to wait making the line read
weightless wait
just a thought

Ken e

[Brad Dehler]

Can really feel the burden here. Real real sadness. "Great immovable weightless weight". I appreciate the simplicity and depth.

[John the Baptist]

I've known many depressed people, and a sense of heaviness and weariness is one of their characteristics. The deep sadness weighs on them, sapping their energy. For too many, it gets to be too much to bear.