A Dreamer Without A Dream

Justin Harper finds himself at the office of the Slumber Space Detectives, trying to take in this strange new world that he is now a part of.

He sat in the waiting room, the smell of cigarettes and old wall paper glue filled the air. It's almost real, it feels real, it seems real, he thought. But it wasn't real, this waiting room didn't exist, at least not in the sense that you or I exist, it was a room in-

“Justin Harper?” A voice rang out from behind the counter. Justin walked over and handed the strange purple woman sitting behind the counter his sheet of paper, to him it looked blank, but she just sat there looking it over, as if she could see what was written on the paper that he could not. The longer it took the more nervous he got, as if he was being judged, he was, he just didn't know that. “Right, well we don't usually take your kind here, but in your circumstance you don't really have a lot of options, and you were a great help to Gold.” there was a long silence before either spoke, a woman sneezed and a welsh corgie blessed her. Justin spoke first, “So...?” “So welcome aboard, here's your badge, and your gun.” She handed him a blue piece of paper that was blank. Is nothing written in this place? He stared intently at it and saw words appear, fading into view, and a picture, his picture, it said “Slumber Space Nightmare Detective Level Blue: Justin Harper” He picked up his gun, which looked like a piece of wood. “It'll change once you get some more experience.” The Purple Woman said when she noticed Justin's wary look. “Right...” She pointed him to the hallway and said that his office was all the way down on the right.

Justin walked down the hall passing all sorts of sights that (what, twelve hours ago?) would have seemed impossible. Dogs drinking coffee while interviewing Lizard women. Worm Secretaries, rooms marked “Smoke Clouds Anonymous” and what appeared to be an Angel handcuffed to a heater while a demon interrogated her about the whereabouts of Angel Island. Then he reached his office, it was closed, the door said “Slumber Space Nightmare Detective Level Aubergine: Sally Slender: No Relation” he tried opening the door, but it was locked. “Excuse me? Miss? The door's locked.” Justin called down the hall. The Purple Woman yelled back “Talk to it.” Talk to it?

“Uh hello?” Justin said, unsure if that was right.

“What do you want?” The door seemed to say. “Oh jesus h christ you're her replacement aren't you? Sally Slender, she's gone ain't she? God d****t, I knew it, I knew I shouldn'ta let her go after that god damned Crimson Nightmare! I said Wallace, this one feels different, this is the one, you're gonna lose your freakin Aubergine status and they're gonna send in some Blue b*****d. And there she went out the door, and here you are, with your god damned Blue card. Jesus christ, I might as well be a doggie door for the dog down the hall, HE is at least at Orange!” The door started shouting, “Hey! Candice!” Apparently the Purple Woman's name was Candice, the door continued. “I want to put in for a transfer! I'm not starting all the way back at god damned blue for chrissakes! What kinda s**t is that?”

Candice yelled back, “Look Bill, you're a door, this kinda thing happens all the time, do you know how much effort it takes to get you guys out of the frames? It ain't happenin, we don't have the budget for something like that. Now be nice to Justin, he's Human and doesn't know how half the s**t here works.”

“Oh no, you ain't stickin me with some Human! Of all the lousy things to do to a door Candice! Candice, why you gotta do this to me? Candice baby! Hey, don't pretend like you can't hear me! Candice!” He went on for a bit, until Justin decided he'd had enough.

“Hey! Open up!”

“Oh, we got a tough guy ova here! Well come on, you wanna get inside? Turn the handle!”

Justin wasn't sure why, but he felt uncertain about following the doors advice. Oh god, I'm arguing with a door. He slowly started to reach to the knob.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you.” Justin stopped and turned, it was him. Gold, “Bill can be a real a*****e. On her first day he did the same thing to Sally, passed out from an electrical shock.”

“It wasn't even that big of a shock!” Bill whined.

“Open up ya big brute.”

“Hey! I just got a wide frame!”

“Be nice to Justin, or you'll have to answer to me, understood?”

“Oh, and what are you gonna do?”

“I'll draw on you. With permanent marker.”

“You wouldn't dare!”

“Wouldn't I?”

Gold and Bill were in a stare down, which was difficult for Justin to pick up on seeing as how the door had no eyes. “Fine, fine, come in, jeez, look at this guy, play a little joke and he starts threatenin to mark a guy up!” Bill opened and Justin finally got to see his new office. It had a desk and a chair, and a little lamp, even had his name on a little blue sphere that looked like a hologram.

“Feel free to decorate it when you have the chance, it can look however you want. Just use your imagination.” Gold informed him.

“Right, my imagination. That's what got me here in the first place...”

“Hey, it won't be so bad, I'll be here to help you get used to the place. Trust me in a few days you won't even realize you're in a coma!” The reassuring smile on Gold's handsome face disappeared at the realization of the stupid thing he said, “I- uh... D****t, wasn't gonna bring that up.”

What a long day Justin had had. The last thing he wanted to think about was how he got here, but there it was the ever looming fact. Justin Harper was now stuck in the world of the dreamers that it's inhabitants called Slumber Space, he was now a Nightmare Detective, a person who hunts Nightmares, and he had no idea when the f**k he was going back to the real world. How the f**k did I get here? He had to replay it all in his head just to make sure he wasn't dreaming it up, well he WAS in fact dreaming, he just wasn't the one in charge of it all.