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A Story by Ray
"

Too long to describe...

"
Larry leaned over the cables, careful not to touch either the red or yellow ones which were the most sensitive. His eyes were aimed at the single blue cable there. Cut the cable, and the red and yellow don't work, neither do the security cameras, or any sensor in the whole place. He was already amazed at how he had got through and stayed in a very uncomfortable position for long hours - he didn't know how long - but it felt like hours. The space was so little between the air-conditioning pipes, and the hot waterway. Come on, he thought, we're nearly there. He stretched out his fingers to get the blue cable, intertwined with the red and yellow. I can do this, he thought. Through the bug, he could hear his team's nervous breathing, all scattered somewhere in the surrounding buildings, waiting for his "good to go" when he had done his work. No words were needed to express all of their feelings. They listened intently. Something in the hallway above moved violent, and shook him. His three fingers who had been so carefully approaching the blue cable shifted and touched the red one. Somewhere, an alarm went off.
" Damn !" he murmured. " I'm sorry guys. I guess we'll have to go along with plan B," and as he said the word, he was already crawling away from the spot he had been in as quickly as he could.
" Let's go," Addax said at the other end. " Everybody, get moving now. We're getting into B-positions. Go, go ! Move !" Everyone started moving, Larry could hear it in their breathing.
" Larry, you gettin' outta there ?"
" I'm nearly there, I hope the thing takes five more seconds to blow up," he said. As soon as he had said the words, he pulled open a ventilation rail and lowered himself into a narrow corridor. There, Addax was standing, a gun in her hands, and in her black suit.
" Did you still cut off the cable ?"
" Dang, no !" he passed a hand over his face. " Wait, I'll get it."
" No, it's gonna blow, I just put the dynamite over there," she pointed at the other end of the hallway. " But put on your balaclava, you never know." She pulled hers over her dirty blond hair and her pale eyes were barely visible through the holes.
" Let's go to the Plutona," he mumbled and she sprinted forward, him at her heels. As they passed through the door to the bomb reserve, they heard footsteps and cries of orders. The whole place was up. Addax checked her watch. Five thirty. Wow, she thought, they're quick to get dressed. They disappeared between the rows of bombs and they heard some of the men coming in.
" Go around the left," one of them said. " They're somewhere in here."
They didn't let these words frighten them. Addax risked a look up, and saw five men, with shotguns and uniforms looking about. Larry made a gesture. Addax thought she understood, "they'll never shoot otherwise they blow up with us". Addax looked around. Of course they wouldn't shoot, they'd destroy the land for miles round with this amount of bombs. They went on between the rows.
" Zack, can you hear me ?"
" At your service."
" Can you get in the office ?"
" The freakin' guy didn't come out yet."
" Kyle ?"
" Here, Addax."
" You know how to get that twerp moving, do it, and now."
" Got it."
" Aries, you're by the chem building ?"
" I am."
" You know what to do."
" Yes, Captain!"
" Everyone else good to go ?"
" Yes," Freddy, Andreas, Jeremiah, Dean and Chloe answered in one.
" Jackie ?"
" Oh sorry, I was disconnecting their control to the cameras." Some of the others chuckled. Someone commented "seems like you're gonna get replaced, Larry" and Larry whispered for them to shut up.
" Right, let's move," Addax said to Larry, and they both stood up to the full height and began running to the back exit.
" There !" one of the men shouted.
" No duh !" Larry replied and jumped out of the doorway just as a bullet whizzed past him. They shut the door, and quickly enough, Addax took out of her pocket a small, circular metallic tool. Larry lighted a match and held it to the center of the metal thing, while Addax pressed it between the door and the frame.
" Such a relief that everything is of metal here," Addax quickly smiled and they moved away, running to the transport unit building.

Zack and Kyle sat side by side, behind the curtains. It looked like the classic hiding place.
" You sure they can't see our feet when they come by ?" chuckled Zack quietly. Kyle rolled his eyes, how foolish he could be at times, so pretended mature Zack. " I wonder--"
" Shut up, Zack, they're coming." Kyle gave him a death stare.
" Fun game," Zack smiled. Kyle narrowed his eyes and Zack stifled a laugh as the sound of boots against the cold hard floor beat a synchronized rhythm. Just at that moment, Addax spoke in their ears.
" Zack, can you hear me ?"
" At your service," he grinned carelessly, still twisting his fingers in his back as the patrol came through. He sighed of relief after the few tense seconds.
" Can you get in the office ?" He dared to peek round the curtain. The corridor was empty, and the room to the office had the door closed. It was a glass door, and there was a shadow in there, that kept moving about. He shook his head, he was beginning to be annoyed with that nervous man, who kept twisting his fingers. He could feel the heart beating fast from where he was.
" The freakin' guy didn't come out yet."
There was a sigh at the other end, which seemed like frustration as well. After all, he and Addax had always shared that feeling : exasperation. He could almost see her pursing her lips at the other end.
" Kyle ?"
" Here, Addax."
Kyle had a deeper voice, and on missions, he always kept the mood tense with his serious facial expressions and reactions. It was one of the reasons Zack sometimes tried to act childishly around him, though Jeremiah did a better job because it was his natural self, to loosen up Kyle and make it easier for him to worked in a relaxed atmosphere.
" You know how to get that twerp moving, do it, and now." Kyle smiled, of course he could do that, he knew how to get any morons moving. He's stressed, Kyle could tell by how Zack was responding to the man's frequency. That blockhead's real stressed!
" Got it."
He turned and smiled at Zack while he tightened his belt around the waste and picked up a small silent gun, a 7.62, S4M. He checked the bullets in it and poked his head out from behind the curtain.
" I'm starting to wonder why they have a curtain in the middle of a corridor," Kyle murmured.
" It used to be a college, remember ?" Zack replied.
" Still doesn't make any sense," Kyle raised an eyebrow.
" College doesn't make sense anymore," Zack shrugged. Kyle rolled his eyes, Zack laughed as low as he could and Kyle was out in the corridor.
" I've got your back," Zack whispered when Kyle hesitated in front of the glass doors.
" Well soon enough you won't. Just get the right things in there, alright ?"
" Hey, keep it chill, man. You check in with Addax at the transport unit ... once you've lost them," Zack could feel the shudder that ran through Kyle's body. I wish I could do something about that plonker in there ... if only he had a closer frequency.
" Don't worry Zack, they'll all regret coming in after me." Kyle stepped up to the door and pushed the ring button. It was a green switch on a silver plate screwed against the wall, with a red one next to it. A buzzer went off in the room and the man immediately became still in it.
" He's opening a drawer in there," Zack murmured, though they both knew it. What was he taking out ? A silencer ? Or a full blown AR-7 ? Whatever it was, it was definitely a weapon, and that fool was certainly one of a nervous kind. " Shoot straight, Kyle. It'd be better if he doesn't have the time to press the alarm or cry for help."
" D****t ! I know that Zack !"
The door opened and Kyle lifted his weapon and shot. A "blind-shot" the trainers at MMFRCF would have said. There was no aim, just a shot, a silent one. The man cried out in pain. In his hand was a shotgun. Zack pressed himself against the wall.
" Kyle, there's already some on their way, he must have a device on him, get going."
" But how ?"
" I'll finish him off." Kyle began running away and Zack didn't bother using the silencer. He used the typical 9 mm and shot a bullet straight through the man's head, hiding again behind the curtain. Was it cold blooded killing ? Yes. Was it right ? There was no time to think about that. The armed patrol came running and stopped to comment over the man's dead body.
" He was going to be executed anyway."
" He worked alright though, but someone running about, let's find them."
" Alarm ? We might as well get everybody on it."
" We're dead if it's just a kid and we alert the whole place."
" And we're equally dead if it's someone else."
" We don't need reinforcements for now, let's find that cretin !"
The men jogged away in the corridor.
" Okay, Kyle, they ain't alerting anybody else and I think they're about five or six of them and they're dimwits so no worries, you'll lose them easily."
" Thanks, Zack."
" No problem." Now let's get moving. He looked left and right and sprinted into the office. He stood stunned. There was no order, the papers were all over the place. He hadn't felt that in the man's frequency. It was perhaps one of the things he hadn't been able to connect with. He pulled the body into the office and locked the door, an automatic red switch with which he had to pass the strange looking ID card of the man. He wiped his bloody hands over his black jeans and suddenly immobilized.
" Wait! Are the security cameras out ?" he didn't know to whom was directed this question. In fact it was to anyone. Everyone seemed to busy to answer, which was, in itself, understandable.
" You're in luck, Zack," Jackie seemed very pleased with herself and also very faked arrogance. " And if you'd listened, you would know that--"
" Alright Jackie, no need to be long-winded haven't got any time right now, thanks !"
He stepped towards the files on the shelves and ran his eyes over them, gently caressing them with the tip of his fingers. Most of them were old and dusty.
" Zack ! Can I bring them back to where they were initially ?!"
" Not yet, Kyle, make them wait a little longer."
" I'm running out of places to go."
" I'm doing what I can. Aries, what's the file again ?"
" I'm a bit busy here, Zack."
" Aries !"
" 9-01 file ID 542, with ART-ZEN in big letters and 146-NH for electronic identification."
" I have to run it through the computer ?" Zack narrowed his eyes at the computer screen.
" Crack the code my friend."
" Larry get over here, I need you."
" Larry stays right here," Addax sharply replied.
" There's a huge amount of documents which are under 9-01 file ID 542."
" Narrow it down, Zack. We don't let petty things get to us."
" Alright," he murmured and picked up a box from off the shelf.
" Zack, they're going to get tired and call, hurry !" Kyle said out of breath.
" Well as long as they can't see your face," Jeremiah chuckled.
" If they get to me, they'll know just by taking off the hood."
" I don't understand why they aren't moving with the security cameras down," Jeremiah mumbled. " It's not normal behavior..."
" Dean, Chloe, are you to spare ?"
" You can manage on you own, Zack," Addax gritted her teeth.
" Sure, I'll never be able to break the computer codes so we'll be stuck here forever and we'll be picked off one by one and get killed. Wonderful idea Addax. I'm just trying to find something to get going faster."
" Chloe, go help him, and be quick about it."
" Yes, sir," a girl's voice replied.
" Zack, I'm sorry I had no choice, they're coming back your way."
" D****t, Kyle ! This is not the freakin' time for that !" Zack spun around, wide eyed and on full alert.

Aries passed a hand over her face. She was all cramped from remaining immobile between the glass bottles and the chemicals. She stared at the blue liquid. How much damage could that thing do ? The little thing in her ear attracted her attention, there was something going on. Somewhere an alarm had gone off.
" Aries, you're by the chem building ?" Addax suddenly asked her after checking on a couple of others.
" I am," she replied very coolly. Plan B, they had said, no ?
" You know what to do."
" Yes, Captain!" Yes, that was it, plan B. She sprung up and darted across the room and caught from the corners of her eyes, the half asleep chemist on the floor. She pulled her balaclava over her face.
" Who ... ?" began the man, but she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and whipped out a knife which she held to his throat.
" Now be quick about it, where are the glass blowers ?"
" Gluss bluwers ?" the speech was slurred. Dang, why did I have to give him that sleeping substance if we were going on to plan B ? I knew we'd have problems.
" Come on lamebrain, where're the glass blowers ?"
" Owd'y buack." His eyes fluttered closed. She pulled the knife away, and then though about witnesses. This man was pure brains, no matter what she had said. With a gloved finger, she found the main artery in the neck and slit it. There, she thought, no pain. She watched as the blood pooled around him. She leaped towards the small back door which led into the big experimenting lab. She slowly opened the door. In one of the corners, there was a camera, but it's eye was dead. Thank you Jackie ! She jogged to the light switch and turned it on.
" They're foolish to leave no one for security, but at least, it makes the job easier," she said to no one in particular. Halfway made bombs, newly started mechanics unheard of, missiles, bullets, nuclear radioactive stuff... she was relieved to be wearing a long and short wave-proof tunic.
She picked up one of the radioactive material, and looked at it. How interesting. Perhaps things in this place would have been of good use... There were still the documents, the explanation of the experiments... all in the chemists bureau. But first... She picked up a couple of small transparent bags and put samples of some things in. She unstrapped her backpack and took out a small mechanic bloc and correctly attached all the cables within it, and set it to two minutes.
" The electronic bomb is set on two minutes in the chem lab. When this thing blows up... it's really gonna blow up," she murmured. She replaced the bomb with the picked up materials and hurried back to the bureau. There were two patrol officers and they raised their guns to aim at her.
" Down, game over. Hands up in the air, and on your knees, come on, I've got no time to waste."
There was no way to do anything else. It was that, or to die and they found out her face and knew who had done this attack. Dying was one thing, betraying others through death or life was another.
" Just don't shoot," she said sweetly, getting down to her knees. One of the officers, the oldest one, laughed.
" A girl asking for mercy, work gets better by the minute. And has that girl got a pretty face, I wonder ?" The man narrowed his eyes and hovered as the other one unstrapped her backpack and set it on the floor.
"Aries, what's the file again ?" the thing in her ear crackled. She didn't answer just, yet. They pulled back her hood and were astonished at her face.
" Pretty g--" he didn't get time to finish, she hit a blow in his face and moved to get the other one.
" I'm a bit busy here, Zack." The man shot, but missed and she was able to know it out of his hands. It was going to be a fist fight, except if she could reach her knife in her boot.
" Aries !" Zack seemed about to lose it, but right now, it was life or death, including with it betrayal or loyalty. She spun around and kicked out her foot. It would have been a perfect killing blow if he hadn't swerved out of the way and caught her leg in his hands and pulled. She lost her balance and fell on the ground. The other one was starting to recover from her blow. The first one was pulling out a second hand gun. This might throw them off for a minute, she thought.
" 9-01 file ID 542, with ART-ZEN in big letters and 146-NH for electronic identification." It worked, for a moment, they were startled. It was enough time for her to jump back up and get a good grip on the gun. The second man came up behind her. Leaning on the gun that was held in the oldest officer's hands, she was off the ground, rolling over in the hair. The heel of her boot struck the space just above the nose and between the eyes of the youngest one who under the shock bent backwards and fell back down. As she turned over at such speed, she twisted the gun out of the man's hands, just as he pulled the trigger, and it grazed her waist.
" I have to run it through the computer ?" Zack seemed completely unaware of what had happened in the last few seconds. She pointed the barrel at the man's chest and shot twice and watched him fall down to the ground. She wiped her forehead with the back of her glove.
" Crack the code my friend," she smiled of relief. She wasn't much help with computers, but yes, he was going to have to run it through a computer, obviously, since it was electronic identification. It was apparent that the computers would be under codes to keep information protected, it was either Larry, Dean or Chloe that would be up for the job, if Addax allowed it. She stared at the three bodies in front of her. It was such a shame. The young one looked even a bit cute. She picked up her backpack and stepped towards the white desk, pulling open drawers. She took out the Radioactive File, and the most recent and complete files she could and crammed them into the bag which she strapped to herself. She pulled her balaclava over her face before stepping out into the corridor and closing the door. She took out a key from her pocket and locked the door. There was no blood on her clothes or boots. She smiled again. She always did the work cleanly. She jogged down the hall as silently as she could.
" Addax, I'm nearly there."
" Good, you've got the files ?"
" I even got samples. But there were some complications. I think everyone should hurry up."
" I was dang well aware of that, Aries. You think you can drop off the files with us and go help Kyle ?"
" Sure, I'll be here as quick as I can."

© 2013 Ray


Author's Note

Ray
I know I started a lot of stuff on here, but I wasn't on for quite a while,and I've been working on this book that's been in my head for a year (there's another one I'm just starting to write down as well that I've been going through in my head for the past 4 years!) So I've written quite a bit of chapters, and I've decided to come back to the start and write the prologue. It isn't done yet, but let me know already if it's gripping or not !

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I agree with Dhasi, this is a very wordy beginning to a story. I like the way you begin, it's exciting because the wires immediately point to bombs or something dramatic. I think that some of the character assignments/speakers get confused throughout. But, on the whole, not a bad start.

Posted 6 Years Ago


I have only read the first paragraph so far and that will be the only portion I will review. I will get back to you for the rest when I do read it.
Okay. I am by no means an authority in writing or anything and I am reviewing as a reader, not a writer.
You might want to cut some of the sentences into shorter ones. So much information was packed into a few sentences that I had to read some twice to get the story flow. I do think the sentence construction kind of killed the tension and made me too lazy to go on. I saw the question that would keep me going but I lacked the motivation to do so.
Oh and if you italicize the direct thoughts like, 'come on!', you could get rid of the 'he thought portions. It would have gotten me more invested in the narrative.
So, just clean up your construction and hype the tension and your'e good to go.
All the best!

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on May 24, 2013
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Ray
Ray

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"Let us remember: one book, one pen, one child, and one teacher can change the world." - Malala Yousafzai "To hold a pen is to be at war." - Voltaire "The pen is mightier than the sword." - E.. more..

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