Unbeautiful

Here in the sunshine
She wears the rays as a mask
And her playing eyes aren't honest, for once
Though she stares deep,
Willing they cover the rest of her yellowing body
Because today she can't afford a sundress-
But the sun in its integrity
Shines even still,
Lest she be unbeautiful.

Author's Note

Starting from scratch. Not completely happy with it.

Reviews

[Muse]

I think that often times that this is how "woman" feel in general. We hide our insecurites behind a broken smile. I could relate to this..on so many levels. And it is not scratch writing. This had class...elegance...and beauty. Your writing spoke to me deeply. High scores...

Muse

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Very intriguing poem... society and media lead so many women to feel that they are not beautiful enough so they hide from the masses.

[Sami Khalil]

She wears the rays a mask...
Beautiful write...

[Emily B]

it's not what the title led me to anticipate, i really like it though

[Eloha]

Well it has originality and beauty, what more do you want? :)

[Kenneth The Poet]

I would be. I think you did a marvelous job describing her negative looks I think. I think that is why women should trust what men say about make-up. Women don't need because men are attracted to them, flaws and all.

That's just me on my soapbox.

I'd keep it as is, or maybe add some more lines about how unbeautiful she is like about her face and such.

[Nobody.]

Enjoyed. I like the idea of stealing beauty from the sun. :)
Cheers!

[R J Askew]

There is a great sense of intimacey in your lines. I can almost feel the sun also. We need those moments to relax, restore ourselves, and sense our place in the universe. Once we connect with that outside us and sense our place amont the atoms we can never be unbeautiful.

[Hayley]

Thanks- I appreciate it. That is exactly what I did!