Confidence

Same as last time! thanks for reading it. All the people in this story belong to themselves.

Hey my

dear fam

dear frie

dear anyon

Dear you, I just wanted to say that this is not your fault, it's all just too much for me. I don't even know if it is anyone's fault. It's actually been a while since I've been sure of anything. Especially myself. Since four years ago, I've felt like a waste of space, nobody in that god-forsaken class talked to me, and the only ones who did, just laughed at me, mocked me or insulted me. Sometimes I think the silence was worse than the bullying. The bullying didn't make me feel invisible, the silence and the ignoring did, it made me feel like nothing, they ignored me, so there must be something wrong with me right? So after a while I just stayed away from everyone and just tried saving the friendship I had left with Julia, although she left too. Now the picture was complete, I was a f*****g weirdo. 

After that, my confidence was shattered and I couldn't glue it together or mend it or whatever. I tried my best not to let that show once I got out of pre-school, I tried to make new friends. I just couldn't let them in. How could I ever get hurt again if there would be nothing to hurt me. But how could I possibly believe that. Of course my own naive little mind would find other people she thinks she can rely on. I think you guys genuinly believed you were good friends. But without any confidence, I heard every little thing you said about me, I heard it in the tone of your voice, saw it in the glint or you eye when you look at me, my hair or my clothes, when you think about the low grades I get. I can see you guys look down on me, trying not to let it show. But I can see it. Every. speck. of it. I was right too. 

It was 9:30 in the morning and Rose pulled out her biology textbooks, when Meela rushed in. "Hey," she said. "Mornin' Rose replied. As soon as they were allowed to work on their biology on their own, she pulled out a little sketchbook and started drawing in it. Immediately, Meela sighed loudly and turned towards her. "Don't you have any homework to work on, I'm nearly finished, you should get started too.".  Silently she packed her sketchbook and got out her pens. Meela turned away satisfied. In her head, Rose made up several painful insults towards her friends, not letting any of them slip past her lips. In her head she came up with new ideas for her stories and flew away. "And could you stop clicking your pen?" Meela obliviously suggested. Rose sighed as she snapped back into reality, and stopped clicking her pen. Only five minutes left on the clock, then they'd hear the liberating sound of the school bell, introducing the next hour: a free study-hour with their homeroom teacher. 

To everyone's surprise, the teacher was present, and next to him were three children; Two boys and a girl. the boys reluctantly introduced themselves to the class as Tannor and John, and sat down. The girl was more shy and quickly said her name before she sat down. It hadn't been sure whether their class would get the students who hadn't passed their year, it hadn't even been sure whether they'd get to stay together as a class. but now it turned out they'd get the lot. 

The teacher also mentioned they should form groups for their biology assignment. Rose glanced at Meela, who grinned in return. They would always stick together, they were real friends. As everyone got to work Rose and Meela noticed the new girl, who didn't have a group, and invited her to work with them, gladly she accepted. She was an asian girl with red streaks in her brown hair. Rose looked at her for a second, before saying: "It's Elena, right?". "Yeah". As they continued working, Elena became less shy and soon they were all giggling. At the end of class, not much work was done. But a new friend was found, and they planned on getting together soon to finish their work. 

"Hey little one!" Meela shouted at Rose. "Have you prepared for our english test?" Rose nodded, "studied all night." "Well good luck!" Meela said as she took the seat besides Rose. Even though Meela was smaller, she'd picked up the habit on calling her "little one" Rose suspected this was because she was younger, and therefore less mature than Meela. Every time she's called Meela the same name, she became furious, saying she couldn't help it she was smaller, and that she was still growing. When Rose told her to stop calling her that, she didn't want to hear it though, telling her not to be so insecure and that it was just a nickname. Tired of the debate, Rose just let it be.

After a few years, you'd say I was not ready for that kind of party. You also continuously told me that I was not sixteen yet. Even when I was. It wasn't just you either, nobody treated like their equal or took me seriousle. Only Elena knew how I felt, even if I couldn't find the words to tell her that.

Author's Note

Tv what do you think?????