Listen. Watch. Feel. Survive

 Listen to the falling leaf

Listen to the cracked floor below you

Listen to the black birds sing

Watch as you body fades

Watch as times never stays

Watch as your smile begins stray

Feel your mind droop closer

Feel you heart rate move slower

Feel the past  memories appear

Survive the harsh dreams

Strive to make the reality

Kill for what you believe

And fight for what's within. 

Reviews

[Nicole Clarice Anna Wie..]

For me, this is lacking flow. It feels choppy to me, but not in the way that works. There appears to be some spelling mistakes in this:

Watch as you [your] body fades
Watch as times [? time] never stays
Feel you [your] heart rate move slower

The line, "Watch as your smile begins stray" seems like there should be another word in there such as, "Watch as your smile begins [to] stray"


I think that you started off quite rocky, however, the last 4 lines are quite well written. If you can find a way to bring the passion from the last 4 lines and spread it throughout the poem this could very well work. Good luck to you :) And I hope to not offend.

[Gheeneil]

Life is worth living if we take time to observe everything around us, to acknowledge an observation, and to sacrifice for a sensible and memorable existence. This is so moving. Great write.

[maddison]

if only people really did those things. Great Write

[Jared Hughes]

A very good write. It is very visual to me. I like the last two lines:

Kill for what you believe

And fight for what's within.

Very intriguing!

Jared