Alaska

Alaska, the cold and white safe heaven.

It's strange when you think of it

You meet blocks away, miles away, decades away

You come from two different settings

Two separate lives

Two different stories

You ponder on this for a moment

You recall every second of conversation,

Everything from the two minute hello and goodbyes

To the hours of ongoing and endless conversation.

You think nothing of it at the moment.

You think it is normal, you want it to keep going

So it does.

You think it will never end

Because it can't.

Now you feel invincible.

You both feel invincible.

A month has past and this is the longest conversation you have ever held

Is this weird?

Does it feel weird?

Do they think it's weird?

No.

You get your next response only seconds after sending yours.

You smile.

It's a simple reply, but you smile anyway.

You already know your next response.

They smile.

They smile because they knew you'd say that.

Five months have gone by and everyone knows

Everyone knows.

You live blocks away

You live miles away

You live decades away

You live different lives

Know different people

Five months past.

Endless and ongoing conversation turns into short, scattered, forced conversation.

You type a hello.

Twenty minutes later

Hey.

You feel the unsettlement

You two talk about it.

You need to.

You say, what is wrong?

They tell you.

You ask if it's fixable.

They say no.

You say it will be okay.

They never reply.

Four days later.

 

Hello

 

Hello.

 

You talk for seven minutes.

They ask about your day.

You lie.

You say that your day was fantastic, that you passed your test.

You say that you couldn't be happier with the way your luck is turning.

You say a lot of things

 

They say

 

Great.

 

You don't believe it. Neither do they.

You end the conversation.

A year later. 

You talk to them for the first time in weeks.

 

Hello.

 

You ponder on what to say. You just do not know.

 

Hey.

 

You tell them this is hard. They agree.

You want to cry.

They do.

And then you stop for an hour,

You walk away and go on about with your opposite life.

They will be there when you return

Four hours go by and you send them another message

Sorry, I went for a run.

You lie.

No response.

They're busy.

Eight hours later.

Still busy.

Two days later. Busy.

Days turns into weeks and weeks turn into a month.

A month.

You have been worried for a while now but it is finally sinking in.

You panic.

You look for every outlet.

Nothing.

What can you do? You are decades away.

You run to your last resorts.

It only takes a bit of digging.

You see everything you already knew.

You re-see what you figured out weeks ago.

You're silent for a moment.

A small noise escapes from your chapped lips and

The pain settles in. 

Your eyes close 

You can't think or speak

You feel the guilt eat you alive. 

You feel pain stab you in the chest 

You close your laptop

Turn off your phone

Run your sweaty fingers through your hair and feel your clammy palms brace against your forehead.

You can feel the cry approaching, but every time that small sound escapes from your lips, your throat tightens up.

You look ahead, your eyes steady and focused but you are breaking.

Breaking. 

You regret what you have done or - what you haven't done.  

You regret saying vague words 

You regret the broken promises you proposed

 

This is somehow your fault

 Your throat is so impossibly tight, you cannot breathe. 

It only took a year 

A year

Two different people, you were

Two different lives

Decades away 

And yet,

You cannot breathe.

Now you realize it

Now you understand

You see

You feel

Now, you cry.

 

 

Author's Note

Dedicated to Andy. I love you.

Reviews

[Christopher Norton]

To me, this is about the fundamental changes in human relationships brought on by the internet and social media. People have become apps that we can switch on and off at our convenience. We like to think that all this technology is bringing us closer together, but it's making us take each other for granted. It's always seemed absurd to me. Painfully aware that we are losing something of ourselves in the information revolution.

[Sami Khalil]

I like to visit Alaska and enjoy its wonders. Wonderful...:)......................

[Chris]

Past or passed?

You depict an evident and yet hard-earned truth... just how real the web is and that no one is truly anonymous. The other person is just that ANOTHER - Person. A person with their own life and presence, a reality that they live within daily - just as you do. It isn't such a game anymore after the first tear falls.

A few minor flaws but a fair read aloud. The tones fit your intent.

[Dane Greene]

I am afraid i know very little about Poetry, so i can not give you a comprehensive review. I can tell you i enjoyed this poem very much and you did an excellent job capturing my attention and emotion.