Writers Cafe rules 1-10

A tongue in cheek posting from 2012.

Writers Cafe Rules 1-10

A Story by Relic

A little humor goes a long way. Some writers gave me ideas for rules. That's why I thank them. 

RULE 1: CURSING: 

Freely curse in all of your poems, stories, and reviews. You'll fit right into the mix here. You'll be discredited and unimpressive to anyone who has years of experience but so what, they're the minority here. The right words in the right order don't really apply as much here anymore. 

RULE 2: DRAMA: 

Be under the age of 20. Adults don't usually get into the drama thing too much. They have other things to do. They get annoyed seeing so many young kids arguing back and forth with each other over immature issues. Pay no heed to them. Put on your best drama face and remember--all the world's a stage.

RULE 3: EROTICA:

If you're impressed with an erotic poem and you want to leave a review but don't know what to say, use the word sensual. It'll cover a lot of bases when you can't come up with a witty or deep answer. Here's an example: Wow, blah blah, this poem is so sensual, well done. If you're lucky they may thank you and start a conversation, Though I wouldn't count on it. 

RULE 4: REVIEWS: 

If you want a lot of reviews, become popular. It's always beneficial to evaluate other's work. Yet, some here have written hundreds of reviews only to give up such efforts out of frustration. Receiving meager responses will cause many to lose their interest in the site. Widespread acceptance puts you on people's good side. 

Begin your popularity quest with doting reviews and warm affectionate greetings for your targets that will make them ooze with sunshine. Soon you won't be able to contain the praises that come your way. The future is waiting. 

RULE 5: GRAMMAR: 

Don't worry about using correct grammar. That's for people who care. If you don't want to write full words, use shorthand. It may slow the reader down causing them to stumble but so what. Just add a memo in your Author's note that says, "Ignore the grammar." I'm sure your usual friends won't mind. They're using the same memo in their stories and poems too.

RULE 6: REVISIONS: 

Don't revise too much unless you want to work at it. Some writers here work a long time on a story or poem. Stick to your usual five minutes. That should be good enough. 

RULE 7: TABS: 

Make sure you have a second tab ready with a place to go to if this place freezes up. It'll keep you from becoming too frustrated. In the past, I've waited over twenty minutes to get back on, it's happened before, it will happen again.

RULE 8: SEX: 

Have sex talk with your WC sex buddy. It's popular here. I've done it twice but won't say with whom. After this, I won't be having it again. (This may be a joke but it really is commonplace here.  See below).

{Just a serious note here folks. There really are predators here that are devious and don't care that the person they're talking to is only 14-years-old. They're sick people and shouldn't be on here but the moderators are not that critical or aware I guess. If you're a girl, watch out for the slick guys who work their way in slow, you'll know who they are better than me. Other guys don't waste any time at all communicating their disgusting comments. Just saying.}

RULE 9: MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS: 

Create multiple accounts under different names but don't tell anyone. You can portray yourself as a boy or a girl and it won't matter. As long as you sound believable and have a good avatar, no one will know the difference. Trust me, there are many who do a good job depicting him or herself as someone else. I myself have two accounts; I'm a boy on each one. haha

RULE 10: SUBMISSIONS: 

Do you write books and have a chapter you want people to read? Submit it as a poem. It's a great way to trick people into thinking you're good at writing long poems. If they decide to review, you can have a good laugh. (Thanks, KAOLmsted, lol)

So there you have it. Just keep in mind that this is all tongue and cheek humor. For all the new writers, (And I'm talking about the actual new writers) you can use this as a rough guide to a wonderful experience here at Writers Cafe. Good luck to you.

To be continued....

© 2012 Relic

Author's Note

Part two of it is somewhere below the other stories and poems.

Reviews

[Lily Mae]

This is so good for so many reasons. I love the self righteous who point a finger but should look in the mirror.. I'm not saying you lol... so don't get your undies in an uproar lol.. I have accts. that I use for alter work.. Tracey is my dark side...Lily is light and fluffy. I don't' think the world should stop revolving because of that.. I know some that have had countless accts. on here, as I have. To me it doesn't matter the amount, if your picture is real, if your using Pee Wee Herman as a name, what matters to me is your work, your words. The other stuff..doesn't matter to me.
This place has to be taken with a grain of salt and alot of water to flush. But on the other side of this. I have met some genuine people that I have integrated into my real life by talking on the phone, texting, getting to know the person beyond the words shared here. And that's been a true blessing to me. Lots of good people on here :D
Your one with no butt kissing taking place even though I am coming from a sensual place lmao..xo

[The Analog Kid]

Great point, Lily!

[Relic]

That's an excellent review Lily, the words are what matter, they're the reason we're all here.

[Tate Morgan]

Lily I too have many friends here that I speak to on a regular basis. I find putting a voice to the picture helps cement bonds between us all.I think I have 5 here I talk to regularly

[Great Aunt Astri]

BUT, isn't it the poems that matter? And the stories, of course!

[Laminators Dubai]

That's helpful and funny too
thanks for sharing^^

[Relic]

Glad you enjoyed, thanks glitch.

[Dye]

My Goodness! I don’t even know where to start with this review. Especially when I will be leaving it on a post made by someone that has “years of experience”. Someone that has many criteria on what should and shouldn’t be said. So I am just going to comment on each rule:

Rule one: Only someone uptight would really give a f**k. I know you don’t care for the swearing but I think I am in the majority here so I’m going to use it. Ha!

Rule two: Are you trying to pick a fight?

Rule three: Nothing sensual about this post- but the word Erotica, has me all hot and bothered.

Rule four: I personally am okay if it’s not ‘tit for tat’--(see I even snuck tit in there), besides- half naked pictures usually draw a crowd ;)

Rule five: I just have to laugh at that one, what I don’t understand is why no one will point out the mistakes??? argh! If it’s wrong- tell me!!

Rule six: I have revised this review almost as much as I do my poems.

Rule seven: I’m sure you might never see this review because this site is so damn slow.

Rules eight, nine and ten: You lost me at SEX, MULTIPLE and SUBMISSION. What a f*****g sensually dramatic ‘story’ you troublemaker!!

Was this an okay review for you?

Anyway, in all seriousness-- this was a fun ‘story’. Enlightening in fact. The way you present your rant in an “I’m kidding, but not really” kind of way is hilarious. I hope you know I was joking too. Sarcasm is my friend, you used it well. ;)

[Pryde Foltz]

Very amusing. I do think you need to add something about the popular writing list. lol Ps. Gave a 100.

[Relic]

ha I never thought about it at the time when I wrote it. I actually made number one spot with this so I guess I have no right to say anything. (But I'm thinking it though. ;) ) Thanks Pryde.

[smurfett]

Bravo....on the rules and the sarcasm...hehehe

[Relic]

Thank you smurfett. :)

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

Wow .... sensual ... .....lol

[Relic]

haha, could you tell I was trying to be sexy underneath it all? lol

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

Could you tell I was ...lol .. :)

[Relic]

hahahahaha

[redflutterby]

RULES....OH MY GOD!!! No one bothered to tell me... lol! I've been here for about a month and so far WC has been a great experience. Made some wonderful friends and read a lot of amazing work. As with any social network there will be a few bad apples. I'm a fiction writer but I do a little poetry and the reviews I've received have given me a brand new confidence in myself. I'll refrain from using the word sensual in this comment....would sultry be preferable? ;-D

[Relic]

Ahhh, that would be delightful. I'm turned on now. haha. Thanks for the review and welcome to WC. I wish you luck. :)

[Frieda P]

As long as you dont swear, that's my detail now... ;-)

[Relic]

No problem there. Just don't get tooo dirty with me. :O

[redflutterby]

Lol...now Frieda you know i've got my swear jar ready and waiting for the next deposit. Can't clean up this potty mouth. ;-)

[Relic]

haha

[redflutterby]

Relic@ your welcome!! ;-)

[Frieda P]

I'll just deposit $50. and play catch up. ;-)

[Relic]

:D

[redflutterby]

Hahaha..... that sounds like a dare to me!!! I'll see your $50 and raise you $50 more!! Tell Quinn to cover his ears because its going to get really vulgar around here!! ;-)

[Frieda P]

Awh, sweet you're worried about huckleberry quin....

[Relic]

:O

[redflutterby]

Lol...i seem to remember a comment he made about language on here. Wouldnt want him to think we've fallen astray! ;-0

[Relic]

Oh no, I wouldn't think that at all. hahaha

[Shep]

I love number 11 the best it. you made my day thanks.

[Relic]

haha, glad you liked it. It was KAOLmsted's idea.

[Frieda P]

Leave it to the kimmer....

[Relic]

:)

[shunik]

you can feel on the writers words if they're saying the truth or not
..well, thanks for the enlightenment
i never thought that numbers 8 and 10 really counts
:)

[Relic]

No, I never thought they counted either. Thanks Funk.

[shunik]

;)

[Relic]

:--)

[quinfinn]

yep. you've pretty much covered all the bases for enjoyment here. i am familiar with a few who use many aliases and aren't proficient at covering it. most of them are disgusting slugs with very little to offer in the way of decent writing. and i am sick of the ads which pop up . i have had to turn my volume completely down when here to avoid a minor cardiac infarction. i like that you have covered so much which is relevant and applaud your efforts to maintain some level of decorum within these pages. excellent piece.

[Relic]

Thanks so much Quin. I like your review.

[quinfinn]

a pleasure.....

[Lina Grey]

wow, blah blah, this poem is really sensual, well done.
...oh wait, this isn't a poem? Darn you for not labelling correctly!!
LOL this is nice Relic. Though I'd have to pass up on having a WC sex buddy... XD

[Relic]

Thank you Lina. Hmm, it looks like story to me. :)
Glad to hear that. :D

[Lina Grey]

haha I guess I'm overly dyslexic ;)

[Relic]

No problem, I've done similar things myself. :)

[Lina Grey]

haha nice story then

[Relic]

Thanks, glad you approve. ;D

[Lina Grey]

:)

[Relic]

Well, I'm glad you approve again.

[Relic]

:--)

[Lina Grey]

my page froze, I didn't know the comment actually posted.

[Relic]

As long as you didn't freeze yourself it's no problem here. Ha

[Lina Grey]

pshh I'm too hott for that lol

[Relic]

haha, I'm sure you are. :)

[Lina Grey]

well of course ;D

[Relic]

;)

[Lina Grey]

now as long as you don't go freezing either, everything's good.

[Relic]

No, I'm hot too. :O

[Lina Grey]

well good we've nothing to worry about :)

[Relic]

No we don't. At least not for a while. :)