Writers Cafe rules 1-10

A tongue in cheek posting from 2012.

Writers Cafe Rules 1-10

A Story by Relic

A little humor goes a long way. Some writers gave me ideas for rules. That's why I thank them. 

RULE 1: CURSING: 

Freely curse in all of your poems, stories, and reviews. You'll fit right into the mix here. You'll be discredited and unimpressive to anyone who has years of experience but so what, they're the minority here. The right words in the right order don't really apply as much here anymore. 

RULE 2: DRAMA: 

Be under the age of 20. Adults don't usually get into the drama thing too much. They have other things to do. They get annoyed seeing so many young kids arguing back and forth with each other over immature issues. Pay no heed to them. Put on your best drama face and remember--all the world's a stage.

RULE 3: EROTICA:

If you're impressed with an erotic poem and you want to leave a review but don't know what to say, use the word sensual. It'll cover a lot of bases when you can't come up with a witty or deep answer. Here's an example: Wow, blah blah, this poem is so sensual, well done. If you're lucky they may thank you and start a conversation, Though I wouldn't count on it. 

RULE 4: REVIEWS: 

If you want a lot of reviews, become popular. It's always beneficial to evaluate other's work. Yet, some here have written hundreds of reviews only to give up such efforts out of frustration. Receiving meager responses will cause many to lose their interest in the site. Widespread acceptance puts you on people's good side. 

Begin your popularity quest with doting reviews and warm affectionate greetings for your targets that will make them ooze with sunshine. Soon you won't be able to contain the praises that come your way. The future is waiting. 

RULE 5: GRAMMAR: 

Don't worry about using correct grammar. That's for people who care. If you don't want to write full words, use shorthand. It may slow the reader down causing them to stumble but so what. Just add a memo in your Author's note that says, "Ignore the grammar." I'm sure your usual friends won't mind. They're using the same memo in their stories and poems too.

RULE 6: REVISIONS: 

Don't revise too much unless you want to work at it. Some writers here work a long time on a story or poem. Stick to your usual five minutes. That should be good enough. 

RULE 7: TABS: 

Make sure you have a second tab ready with a place to go to if this place freezes up. It'll keep you from becoming too frustrated. In the past, I've waited over twenty minutes to get back on, it's happened before, it will happen again.

RULE 8: SEX: 

Have sex talk with your WC sex buddy. It's popular here. I've done it twice but won't say with whom. After this, I won't be having it again. (This may be a joke but it really is commonplace here.  See below).

{Just a serious note here folks. There really are predators here that are devious and don't care that the person they're talking to is only 14-years-old. They're sick people and shouldn't be on here but the moderators are not that critical or aware I guess. If you're a girl, watch out for the slick guys who work their way in slow, you'll know who they are better than me. Other guys don't waste any time at all communicating their disgusting comments. Just saying.}

RULE 9: MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS: 

Create multiple accounts under different names but don't tell anyone. You can portray yourself as a boy or a girl and it won't matter. As long as you sound believable and have a good avatar, no one will know the difference. Trust me, there are many who do a good job depicting him or herself as someone else. I myself have two accounts; I'm a boy on each one. haha

RULE 10: SUBMISSIONS: 

Do you write books and have a chapter you want people to read? Submit it as a poem. It's a great way to trick people into thinking you're good at writing long poems. If they decide to review, you can have a good laugh. (Thanks, KAOLmsted, lol)

So there you have it. Just keep in mind that this is all tongue and cheek humor. For all the new writers, (And I'm talking about the actual new writers) you can use this as a rough guide to a wonderful experience here at Writers Cafe. Good luck to you.

To be continued....

© 2012 Relic

Author's Note

Part two of it is somewhere below the other stories and poems.

Reviews

[Lily Mae]

This is so good for so many reasons. I love the self righteous who point a finger but should look in the mirror.. I'm not saying you lol... so don't get your undies in an uproar lol.. I have accts. that I use for alter work.. Tracey is my dark side...Lily is light and fluffy. I don't' think the world should stop revolving because of that.. I know some that have had countless accts. on here, as I have. To me it doesn't matter the amount, if your picture is real, if your using Pee Wee Herman as a name, what matters to me is your work, your words. The other stuff..doesn't matter to me.
This place has to be taken with a grain of salt and alot of water to flush. But on the other side of this. I have met some genuine people that I have integrated into my real life by talking on the phone, texting, getting to know the person beyond the words shared here. And that's been a true blessing to me. Lots of good people on here :D
Your one with no butt kissing taking place even though I am coming from a sensual place lmao..xo

[The Analog Kid]

Great point, Lily!

[Relic]

That's an excellent review Lily, the words are what matter, they're the reason we're all here.

[Tate Morgan]

Lily I too have many friends here that I speak to on a regular basis. I find putting a voice to the picture helps cement bonds between us all.I think I have 5 here I talk to regularly

[Great Aunt Astri]

BUT, isn't it the poems that matter? And the stories, of course!

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Hmm.
this is ...

[Relic]

?

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

WISE

[Relic]

Thank you.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Say that again...and i will send you a doraemon

[Relic]

What's a doraemon?

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

A Doraemon is a robot-cat from the future...it has everything you need to be top in form...and it is programmed to invent devices fro you to get your way thorugh through this mess of human mass.

[Relic]

That's good to hear and know, I'll take good care of him.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Point 12: Dop not be easily lured into a conversation with an Alien at Wc after he gifts you a Doaraemon. His intentions may be honorable...but his skin-tone aint...arrrgh......Green?! Horrible!!!!!!!!!!!

[Relic]

Okay.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

:) goodnight. it was good to read you.

[Relic]

Goodnight to you too. I'll be reading you soon.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

The sky seems so Blue. Try to read before June.

[Relic]

Shall do.

[Marie]

My picture is me; I have nly one account. I won't read work with a lot of mistakes, becuse it isn't worth reading. There are people under 18 who are good writers. Not many.

If I ever close my profile it stays closed. I'm not coing back with a new name, picture ect.

[Relic]

I agree with all your views Marie. Thanks for reading my own sarcastic views of Writers cafe.

[Rob Santana]

hahaha,really sensual oh wait this isn't erotic,haha

[Mary]

hmmmm never thought of duplicate accounts. Maybe? Nah, I have trouble enough keeping up with the one I have. LOL, pretty sensual stuff.

[Relic]

ha, I'm glad you found it erotically pleasing Mary. I thank you for the review.

[Mary]

he he

[Relic]

:)

[David the writer]

Oh, I thought this was serious. lol, this is funny looking back. Good job

"Wow, this was blah blah blah. Very sensual, nice job" XD

[Relic]

LOL Thank you so much Dracula, Nice name by the way, one of my favorite movies besides the wolf man.

[David the writer]

I picked Dracula because alot of my writing is horror and most of it revolves around vampires, or atleast the best. And I LOVE the wolf man too, but I prefer vampires to werewolves mainly because I feel like a vampire myself.

And you're welcome btw. Thanks for the laugh I had over this too.

[Relic]

:)

[David the writer]

:D

[Emerald Seas]

This is funny and full of satire. There are so many pseudo characters on this site it is ridiculous. I wrote a poem a while ago about the voyeuristic nature of online activity. I'm not sure I still have it posted... later - I thought someone might take it personally (which it was not intended) so I removed it.
People are so touchy - this was a great read just for the fun of it.

[Relic]

I appreciate the review very much and I'm happy you enjoyed my poke at WC.

[Tate Morgan]

I simply couldn't pass this write up. I needed a good laugh today. We need a nursery here for some of the children we have on this site. If they are to be believed many are as young as 11. That said the tongue in cheek humor went over well in my corridor. I am Tate nice to meet you.

[Relic]

Thank you very much for reading and I'm glad you were able to get a chuckle out of it.

[C.C. Marx]

Well I'm going to attempt to write something intelligent while I smile and laugh to myself and get strange looks from everyone nearby, here it goes:
cant say ive had the sex talk with anyone on here nor do I exactly plan to besides the fact it is very awkward most likely the one talking about it is some deranged pedophile or a very bored teenager who has nothing better to talk about than where babies come from. Lots of fun. Anyways this made me smile thanks for the laughs

[Relic]

haha, 'm glad you haven't had the sex talk, it's not for everyone. I'm also glad you liked the rules. Thank you C.C.

[C.C. Marx]

My pleasure and to be honest we talk about it when we have the Internet? :p just kidding

[Relic]

haha. ;)

[C.C. Marx]

And another thing, profanity might not be the best in poems sometimes it says what no other word can describe you just cant substitute :p

[Relic]

So far, I haven't used any I don't think, but I have an idea for a future story that will involve them. The cursing rule was actually an inside joke between me and another writer, she knows I hate cursing in poems. LOL

[C.C. Marx]

I understand I try to refrain in writing but speaking, its a different story......inside joke huh? I will pretend I get the joke so I don't feel left out lol

[Relic]

Okay, ha sounds good.

[kimmy]

lol....I think this was very funny, and yes some of it is true;) but the thing is most of us are here for the same thing. To write and to read what others have written...I like to chat and meet new people, learn where they are from, and what made them write or what not. I only have one account but that is a good idea for my other half (talking about my personality's lol)

I am glad I came across this site as I have met some really cool people on here and have read some good work. I saw this thanks to doc:) and I am glad I came to read this as well.

[Relic]

Well, thank you so much for reading it Kimmy, I'm sure you will meet plenty of good people here at WC.

[kimmy]

Your very welcome, You are right about that...I have talked with a few cool people on here and enjoy meeting new ones..This is a great place if you like to read and write:)

[Relic]

I've been here about five years, I agree.

[kimmy]

Oh really that is awesome...I was on wattpad first, but I love this site so much more:)

[Relic]

It is one of the best and easiest on the net for sure. I belong to other sites but always find myself coming back here.

[kimmy]

That is funny because I was on wattpad for awhile, but when I came across this site (I'm not sure how I found it now) I have stuck to this one myself..I love the comments people give and the way its kind of like a second family around here:)

[Relic]

Every once in a while you'll find those who act up here but as long as you keep to yourself you should be okay.

[kimmy]

Oh yea I see there was some people arguing and I was like oh wow. But I kept going and just read..lol....I like people and I don't like to see them argue..lol,,,I am one of them people that wish for peace:)

[Relic]

So am I, that's why I avoid all the drama that might pop up here and there. You sound like a good person, I'm sure that will come through in your writing.

[kimmy]

Thank you so much, you seem to be a good person yourself and I am glad I came to read some of your work:)

[Relic]

I am too. I'll be reading more from you again soon.

[kimmy]

Thanks, I want to read more of yours to..I love to write and when something comes to mind I just go for it, I never know what I might like when I am done writing it..lol

[Relic]

Well, keep writing then, I know I will. :)

[kimmy]

I sure will :) Oh my god did you hear about that shooting at the elementary school? it is so sad, I have to write about this:(

[Relic]

It's horrific, I can't imagine anyone being that monstrous. It's been on the news all day.

[kimmy]

That is how I feel to, I understand people now days...I just saw that they took the kids to fire house and called names for the parents to get their children..Then when they called the last child they said that's it, they rest have passed.

[Relic]

The world is getting so crazy, and there's no good news anymore.

[kimmy]

You are right there, I hate to watch it because it is s depressing..This has to be the worst thing I have ever heard oh and the shooting at the movie theater

[Relic]

Yes, it never seems to end. A man was pushed in front of a subway train a couple of weeks ago in New York too.

[kimmy]

Oh my I didn't even hear about that one...That is so crazy, I could never think of hurting someone else...I would if I had probably, but I mean to just wake up and set out to kill people. I don't get that at all..

[Relic]

Their minds are in another atmosphere. It's such a shame innocent people have to die for that.

[kimmy]

that is horrible..I just read a poem from someone on here, and it was about the little kids and shooting..It was a great poem and glad someone wrote about that..such tragic

[Relic]

I guess that's what we're here for, to write about what we're feeling. It's so tragic.

[DrD]

I might have another account. I don't know. It's Harold, you see. He does things when I'm asleep or sometimes I'm awake but I'm not me . . . . I'm sure you understand. But I don't think Harold likes poetry because I woke up with that tattoo from that topless bar. Someone should sell them a roof.

[Relic]

Hahaha, great review DrD. Or should I thank Harold? ha