The Ten Commandments of Writers Cafe.

Hope you enjoy them.

The Ten Commandments of WRITERS CAFE.

A Story by Relic

Okay reader, I know what you're thinking...

"He reached the number one spot on the popular page twice so he's trying to do it again. Watch, this is gonna suck. What an idiot. Wasn't he good one time?  

Well...for those of you who think I'm pompous, I can assure you I have no intentions of demanding any protocols for this site. In fact, if you really want to know, I've written each one of the following commandments with a grin on my face. :)

For the record, this is not a manifesto or declaration. Therefore, the discoverers of this site are not going to sign any documents with a quill-feathered pen while they stand around in those funny shoes that have a belt-buckle thing on the front of them. Nor are we going to fight the British over it. In fact, the Lord himself, in all probability, won't be lifting a finger to include them on any stone tablets he may create in the future.

Consider each one just a friendly and humorous suggestion I'm offering. 

If you care to read my other stories called Writers Cafe rules 1-10 or More Writers Cafe Rules 11-20, you'll find a few similar topics. Rest easy reader and see if you agree with any. 

               The 10 Commandments of Writers Cafe

NUMBER 1:  FRIEND REQUEST

I am a writer you have chosen to visit. You shall not ask for a friend's request without reviewing me first. (I speak for many here) The words "Good poem/Good story" will not suffice as a review. In addition, if you just write books and you didn't review anything of mine at all...well...what do you think I'm going to assume. Yup, something's up right? Move on my non-friend, I've been sprayed with a sufficient dose of  'I'm not stupid' repellant.

NUMBER 2: READ REQUEST OPTION

You shall not worry about closing your read request option for a given time.  You can't expect to read everything anyway. You have people to talk to, places to go and things to see...the hell with them if they can't take a joke.

NUMBER 3: HONEST OPINIONS

Remember to give an honest opinion in your reviews, provided you do them in a professional and friendly manner. If the writer does not approve/agree, his pen is his sword. Though judging by his/her work, that sword might be broke or rusty. Nevertheless, I digress. 

NUMBER 4: REVISIONS

Honor your revisions. You shall not post your work with typos throughout. For the reader it's like getting their shirt caught on a fence while strolling through the park. You don't want that do you? 

NUMBER 5: READ REQUESTS

You shall not send more than 2-3 read requests to a writer at a time, provided they are accepting them. If you never hear from them--pick a clue and move on, pal!

NUMBER 6: STALKING WOMAN

You shall not stalk or degrade woman/girls on Writers Cafe. Do it out on the street where it belongs. 

NUMBER 7: SELF-HELP

You shall not log out and go to your page over and over again in order to increase the amount of reads. (I see you over there. Stop that!) If you're desperate for reviews, you might as well do number 8. (See #8)

NUMBER 8: MULTIPLE ACCOUNTS

You shall not review your own work by way of your other multiple accounts. You could; you could even get into a conversation with all of you if you wanted to on a thread, but then you'd have to remember who you were and which one of you was talking to whom. You might even have to plan your next move. ("Should I wear my red shirt as Cedar Bark Sniffer or the blue one?")

NUMBER 9: YOU'VE BEEN BLOCKED

You shall not fret over being blocked by another writer. Accept it and move on. (Okay, that's a bunch of crap. Write a poem about seagull s**t that landed on the windshield of your car a while back but now it's gone. The metaphor will stand out like a sore thumb to your friends who know about the blocker. As for the other readers who aren't in on it, they'll just think you're talking about life in general and all its trials.) 

NUMBER 10: SELF-DEGRADATION

You shall not degrade yourself in your work or on your Bio. Let others do that. Seriously, though, you have worth here and the opportunity to learn...Sometimes.

Enjoy your time here and don't forget to tithe your thoughts.

 

 

Author's Note

Please remember this was done with a dose of humor. Thanks.

Reviews

[Renata]

A very clever write, Relic. It seems I have arrived well past the heyday of this website to seriously apply most of the rules, though. Perhaps it’s now time for a new and improved, or at least updated, set of commandments to add more life to this flagging site. Perhaps #1 could be Sharing is Caring? Without the sharing between users the caring really jumps out of the window, so to speak.

I enjoyed this unique post and the humourous way it was written and conveyed.

[Relic]

Thank you for the read and comment Renata. I went over some of my older posts and found this and others including stories about trolls and other major problems with the site. I'll hold off on those for another time though. :)

[charlie]

Regards Number 4: you spelled "intensions" wrong in the sixth line...

Not kosher, my friend.

[Relic]

Thanks Charlie.

[Stacey Watts]

I have to giggle and admit I am guilty. I apologize. I am just not admitting to which ones. I just have learned not to take these sites so seriously. I afraid I jump ship occasionally needing a break to write on my novels. I always come back. Any way nice work, Very clever writing.

[Relic]

Jumping ship is sometimes needed here. I've done it myself and am always taking time off from here now.

[Stacey Watts]

I think you have to. I would have never gotten published if I honestly didn't learn to balance and if I stayed. It gets a little high drama at times.

[Relic]

Glad to hear you were published. Good luck with it.

[Stacey Watts]

Thanks wasn't trying to brag, lol. Just stating that I had to get off my behind and get it done. ;-)

[Relic]

I think I would like to be published someday in the future but it's going to take a lot of work and a few more years of experience for me.

[Stacey Watts]

I don't know you write very well. I have enjoyed your work, You just have to find the right place at the right time. I have lots of rejection letters too.

[Relic]

Thanks. I'm sure most people will get them from time to time. I've heard a lot of famous writers started out that way.

[Stacey Watts]

I am glad I read your work. You will get there I know you will. Never give up.

[Relic]

Thank you Stacey.

[Kate Whitaker]

Thank you. I'm new to the site, and already people have been giving me headaches! It's good to know someone out there is thinking.

[Relic]

It's a mixture of humor but also truth. Thanks for reading.

[R. L. Ives]

Cheeky humor and sarcasm...it can be so much fun.

But seriously...

I am new here myself, and think it would be beneficial to us "newbies" (can't believe I just used that word) to take this for not only the humor it was meant to show, but also as advice from someone who has been around here longer than we have and knows what will get you ignored, unfriended, blocked, and basically destroy the chance of ever gaining credibility as a serious writer here. This will be going on my library shelf under references.

Ok, enough of the seriousness, lets get back to having fun :D

[Relic]

Thanks for seeing the humor in it.

[Zap-the-awesome]

That was awesome!!!XD I have been wanting to see some good humor on here for a good while now. I loved it, not even kidding.

[Relic]

Thank you Z.

[Pax]

1. nailed it!
2. well i wouldn't worrie either.
3. I always do it in a friendly manner, not wanting to offend anyone.
4. a good reminder.
5. awesome, nialed it again...a brilliant reminder.
6. oh, i didn't know about this, is there such people here, now i wonder?
7. lol... i only do that when i don't want to log in and Im on a hurry, just wanting a glimpse of who reviewed my work.
so its not intentional that i increase the amount of reads, either way i rarely do that. ;)
8. hahaha... a conversation of yourself...lol...
9. it hurts at first, for i am a friendly person, so i can't help and wonder why he/she blocks me....
10. well i do it in a creative way possible... so its hard sometimes not to...

:D a humorous piece indose with some truths...

[Relic]

Thank you for such a thorough review Pax. Glad you liked it.

[gombeggar]

hmm...

[Relic]

My thoughts exactly.

[Marie]

Excellent rules. I try to follow them.

[Relic]

Thank you Marie.

[MrKnowAll]

Who the heck does 7 & 8 ??
In another notice, thanks for sharing these rules. They may come in handy for the beginners.

[Relic]

haha, you'd be surprised. Thanks for reading and the review.