Caring for the elderly.

As of today, I've been a caregiver for my father for many years. 

He struggles with Parkinson's disease, blindness, dementia, and a torn meniscus in his right knee which prevents him from walking. 

For years he's suffered from an imbalance problem that's caused more falls than I can calculate. 

He's broken his hip, fractured his pelvis twice, and now must deal with confusion when it occurs. Usually late at night. (dementia). 

Friends have often asked how I take care of him. 

They ask this with a look that says - 

what am I in for? 

What will I have to face in the future? 

So I tell them:

You have to do things you don't want to do.

You have to see things you don't want to see.

You have to smell things you don't want to smell.

You have to hear things you don't want to hear...

but you do it anyway and you try not to complain

to anyone else including yourself. 

Getting old and dealing with its consequences is a part of life that's not always fair for a parent or their child.

But a lot of the time, life itself is not fair.

There's an old saying that states:

"Gold is tested through fire."

I'm not perfect. I must always struggle to contain my frustrations and anger when dealing with his conditions.

At times, I must be his motivational speaker and even a comedian to keep him - and myself - sane. But there's another old saying I think you've heard before..."This too shall pass."

If you're not taking care of an elderly father or mother, someday you may have to. I hope this short writing helps in some small way. 

Author's Note

I have a journal I keep that states everything that happens with dates. I've only had it for two years. It's 40 pages long.

I'm sure I speak for many. And many have it much worse.

Reviews

[Jolan H]

My wife is hard of hearing and there are days when it puts her at odds with me or the kids. I am forever shifting between between father and peacemaker. There are days when I have to be her motivational speaker because she feels like she is missing the best parts of life. My oldest daughter is the biggest point of contention. She's sensitive the wife is sensitive and it often goes wrong. However the wife never stops trying to reach out. I have a ton of respect for her and you for being that person who keeps trying against the odds

[Relic]

I appreciate your review very much, Jolan. Thank you and the best of luck to you.

[Gee]

What you do is repayment I guess for all that has gone before. Funny how the tables turn as she and illness take a grip.
You have my utmost respect both as a person and a writer relic.
Hope you are well. Take care

[Relic]

I appreciate your thoughts, Gee. Thank you.

[Wild Rose]

$0 pages and growing

What are we having for tea? 5 times this morning

Turn the record player up > now she can't hear what I am saying to her

Have I taken my tablets - she has just put the water glass down

She used to look after me - well things change over time

[Relic]

It sucks to have to experience what you've described. I've noticed my father's personality has changed too.
Thanks for understanding and you have my respect and sympathy as well. People keep telling me I'm doing God's work. I certainly hope so for me and you.

[Wild Rose]

This has come on during lockdown
We realised how she was forgetting things (My son and I that is)
I had a word with the doctor > Blood tests and tablets to rectify her blood count > They are having some effect
She is more with it and cheerful - at times she say "I keep forgetting things"

[Chris Shaw]

What you are doing Tim, must be one of the hardest if not hardest tasks we will ever have to face. Caring for an elderly parent who has so many needs is a mine field. Yet so many do it out of pure love for their parent even though it is testing those boundaries to the limit. You have my deep admiration and respect.

Chris

[Relic]

I appreciate your thoughts, Chris. Thank you.

[Chris Shaw]

You are welcome.

[Robert Trakofler]

If I told you how many times I thought my eyes were going to pop out of there sockets when giving care to people you wouldn't believe it LOL I am a pretty patient fellow but one thing I did learn is it is okay to get angry... I used to bottle it up, those feelings and dismiss them as inconsequential and selfish but the truth is... IT IS HARD! and it DOES merit respecting your feelings too and that is essential to keeping your eyes in their sockets:) remember to give yourself the same accord and attention that you give to others my good soul

[Relic]

Thanks very much, Robert. :-)

[...]

Your title make me come here. I don't see too much poems with this themes here. Your words are simple but powerful. I can feel your daily struggle . How you get on to do things which they are not always amusing. It's very powerful statement here. Grandfather of my wife had dementia and we can see every day decline of his personality. But still there was few moments when you think he is getting better. To care for your father and plus make living must be very hard. This writing can show us how humans are able to help each other. Thanks for that .

[Relic]

I appreciate your kind review, Martin. Thank you.

[Inessa]

Such an honest write, Relic. My Grandfather lived to 104 and in the last few years of his life he was afflicted with blindness that eventually robbed him of all sight. Being restricted in his movement because of the inability to see only made his mental faculties worse with depression. For him, death came as a relief. Aging is a brutal reality of life and we all hope our own aging process is as trouble free as can be possible. You have my respects for looking after your Father in this way, when many others would shift the responsibility to someone else. Thank you for sharing your experience on the issue.

[Relic]

Thanks very much for the kind review, Inessa.

[Corset]

I think I fear my children having to take care of me more than the other way around, I cringe at the thought of not being able to care for myself, and to put that burden on my kiddos is not something I would look forward to.

[Relic]

I'm sure every parent feels the same way.
Thanks for reading.