A Rivalry Match

A Rivalry Match

A Story by Hunter-Arkaman

Swift Vilunim and her rival Lightning decide to see who is a skilled warrior in a decisive battle of rivalry.

Swift is out on a walk in the Critamis Forest. Her favorite past time is learning how to chirp and whistle like every single bird in the world. She took a liking to the birds since listening to them were music to her ears. She sat down on the ground near the log to relax. Her long meditation lasted until a blue haired girl weilded with a rapier appeared out of nowhere.

"Wake up, little Vilunim!" The blue headed girl said. "What are you doing out here? Talking to bugs?" she laughed.

"For your information," Swift said feeling irritated. "I never talk to bugs. I just relax to enjoy the wildlife."

The blue headed girl scoffed. "Duh, more like talking to nature including bugs."

"How do you know my last name?" Swift asked the blue headed girl. "Give me your name and I shall give you mine."

"Call me, Lightning, the feminine version of Thor." Lighting said introducing herself. "I know your name is Swift because I knew you before didn't I?"

"Very interesting..." Swift said sounding a little vague. "What you doing here?"

"I came here to see if we can have a quick fencing match." Lightning said drawing out her rapier.

"Oh, it's on!" Swift said quickly drawing out her rapier dramatically.

The two girls clanged their rapiers close together as they stared at each other like they would have a staring contest instead of a fencing contest.

Swift swung her rapier at Lightning but Lightning evaded with speed and had the initation to slash her rapier at Swift. However, Swift dodged from her rapier as she performed an acrobatic flip like if she was in a circus.

"I'm just getting warmed up, little Vilunim." Lighting told Swift as she stood in her battle stance.

"Easy come, easy go, I am warming up as well." Swift replied standing a little far from Lightning in the distance.

They continued on hacking and slashing rapiers with all their energy. Now it was the time for them to use their special techniques. Swift had the power to infuse her rapier in an ocean blue color like a neon glow stick and shouted out her attack.

"Aqua Slash!" Swift said trying to slash Lightning with water but missed from every single movement Lightning made to avoid that attack.

"Now it's my turn to use a special technique as well." Lighting said powering up her rapier in lightning power.

"Spark Blade!" Lighting said jabbing Swift with a lightning rod striking Swift.

"That smarts!" Swift shouted as her hair rose up like she had a bad hair day.

Lightning inspected Swift's hair standing up and all spiked up. She stifled laughter and then began to burst out laughing really hard.

Without Lighting paying attention to the fight, Swift held in her frustration and thought in her mind like Just shut up already, you slimy mean girl and performed another Aqua Slash on Lightning resulting in cutting off her laughter.

"Ow! What was that for?!" Lightning yelled in pain. "It was just a joke!"

"Joke, schmoke." Swift mocked. "Are you going to battle or not?"

Lightning took the fighting seriously. "Of course and I will defeat you, little Vilunim."

They continued hacking and slashing once more until they had run out of vigor before one of them could use their last resorts. Swift performed her ultimate special technique just as right as Lightning performed hers too as well.

"Poseidon's Wrath!" Swift yelled unleashing a monstrous tidal wave of killer water.

"Indignation Catastrophe!" Lightning yelled summoning a legendary thunderstorm in a giant circle.

The thunderstorm electrified over water as Swift used her special guardian skill, Negate Field. Lighting tried to protect herself but was too late as she was struck by Swift's Poseidon's Wrath attack and took a massive amount of damage. As the battle concluded, Lightning fell down in defeat.

Swift claimed victorious. She jumped up and did a winner's pose.

"How you like them apples?" Swift said pulling down her right eye and sticking her tongue out.

"Ugh..." Lightning said getting up slowly. "That was a good fight. Thank you, Swift."

"Sure thing." Swift replied.

Lightning recovered energy as she healed herself by using Quick Aid. She stood up and sheathed her rapier.

"Remember, Swift. I'll achieve victory over you." Lightning said before getting up to leave. So watch your back." and she dashed off at the speed of light.

"Like you'll ever achieve my victory 'cause you don't your name on them." Swift said in a sarcastic tone but smiled.

Swift did too decided to depart from the Critamis Forest to continue exploring on her adventure.

© 2012 Hunter-Arkaman

Author's Note

Is there anything for me to change as far as the dialogue, past tense, etc? Let me know and I will take your advice in consideration. ;)

My Review

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Try reading the writing out loud to catch some of the grammatical errors easily.

The plot is very difficult to follow - the reader isn't sure why the characters are doing what they're doing, what kind of world they're engaged in, or where they're going. Without a clear plot for the characters, the reader is left confused and wondering why they should be concerned about what is happening with the characters.

With a little work, this sample can became an intriguing passage for a great story.

Posted 11 Years Ago

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1 Review
Added on June 22, 2012
Last Updated on June 22, 2012
Tags: swift vilunim lightning swords s