With or Without

     The cold wind whispers words of a forgotten language to me as it blows through this old burned down ghost town. The sun is set now and I stand here in the middle of the street and wait. The streets around me are empty tonight like any other night. I look up at the moon; its whole, the wolves are hunting tonight. I focuses on the howls of a pack of wolfs nearby. He sent word that he would be here at eleven, the clock strikes twelve now. “You’re late.” I smile at the sound of his footsteps. “You waited, I’m surprised.” His voice was as cold as ever, but it comforts me. “It’s been awhile Guine” I look down as he walked circles around me. “I know.” My voice shook as I spoke though I tried to keep it steady. He quit walking and stood in front of me. “What mess could you possibly get yourself in to this time?” he looks in my eyes and waits for a reply. His blue eyes stare at me, reading what I’m not saying out loud. “Nothing I can’t handle.” I look away. “You got caught, again. I can’t leave you alone, can I?” “I wasn’t caught!” I raise my voice at him. “Then please, inform me, what are you doing here?” He smiles as he speaks. “One day you’re going to get yourself in trouble and I won’t be here to save you.” “I told you, I can handle myself.” “If you could handle your damn self, you wouldn’t be here.” he laughs.

            “I’m here to talk to you about the past.” I try to keep my voice steady, but fail yet again. “What are you talking about?” worriedly he asks me. “Cassie is back from the abyss; and she will come for us; everyone, one by one she will take the lives of everyone who tried to take hers.” My voice shakes even worse than before. “How can she be back, Devin sent her there himself.” he asks me with fear in his voice. “She managed to get out of hell itself, and I’ve heard rumors that Devin is also back.” My voice is filled with fear, though I try to hide it.  “We have to find him!” he almost yells.  “No, it’s suicidal to go looking for trouble.” I try to explain to him. “If he is back we can not hesitate to run far from him. He isn’t the same Devin now. We don’t know what happened in that cursed place; we only knew they could never return, yet they did.” I take a deep breath praying he would listen. “What are you saying Guine; Devin is our only hope to truly prepare you. You know this.” “Fine, go, look for him, but I can’t help you find him. There is something I have to do in Jino.” I calmly replied. “Jino? Why there?” He questions me. “Because magic is not allowed there, and I have an idea that some of the missing Devatas are hiding there. “Devatas? They were all killed by the Namiles many years ago. Any survivals would be imposable to find.” “I have to try. Devatas practiced blooded magic, at its rarest.” “The blooded magic.” He laughs. “What are you thinking?”  “I want to learn all magic. They are my only chance to master the blooded magic-”    He cuts me off. “No one can master the entire old religion” He almost yelled at me. “I have to.” I try to keep my voice steady and look him in the eyes, and continue “I have to.”

“I have to learn how to fight for myself; I’m tired of people giving their lives for me.” I keep my voice steady, “Guine, what if you get caught in Jino, no one can save you then. If they find out who you are, they will burn you at the stake.” “I also have an idea of where the Neateta people are. “Where the hell do you find all this out.” He questions me. I laugh. “I shut up and listen to what people whisper in dark corners.” I begin to turn around and walk away, but he calls after me. I stop walking, I do not turn around but I listen.  “Guinevere, you know you’re making a mistake. Devin would be disappointed in what you turned into. A cowered; you’re not learning the old religions to fight for yourself. You’re trying to prove yourself. This isn’t you! You’re running away, not from Cassie but from him. You know he’s back with her, and mastering the old ways won’t make the past disappear, make him disappear.” I turn around and look at him. “You have no right to judge me Jacob. You don’t understand. I can never look at him again, I failed him.” I go to walk away again. “Please, hear what I’m saying, he needs you!” “He doesn’t need anyone, he made that very clear.”

“He loved you Guinevere. You know that.” Jacob speaks to me carefully. “Shut up! He loved no one but himself. He deserved to go to hell. I couldn’t save him, and I’m not going to be able to this time either. Learning the old ways is my only chance to fight by his side.” I yell. I turn around and walk away knowing I may never see his face again. “Guinevere stop!” he raises his voice at me. I continue to walk away. He whispers the words of the forgotten language under his breath; I stop mid step. “Is that how you’re getting around nowadays?” I laugh. “You have to listen to me.” He orders me. “Please, start talking.” I laugh again. “You can’t run away this time. Devin will come to looking for you. He will need you.” I cut him off with my laughing. “What inst making sense to you; the fact that he doesn’t need me, or the fact that I don’t care anymore.” “You don’t mean that. You still love him! Admit it.” He raises his voice at me, I raise mine as well. “You’re right, happy! I spent a year looking for a way to save him, and finally gave up, and now he’s back on his own. I will never live up to his expectations. I will never be able to stop the hell Cassie will bring. I know I can’t so what is the point of sitting around waiting to be a disappointment again.” Tears begin to run down my face. “Guine, you never failed him. You’re stronger because of that night.

“I don’t want to play their game this time. He makes the bloody rules and I don’t want to follow them. I don’t want this life anymore. I don’t want this destiny anymore. Jino is my best chance to hide from both of them.” I wipe the tears from my eyes and wait for his reply. “I can’t let you go; I can’t let you do this. He would murder me if I let you go. Please come home. Come back to where you belong, everyone misses you. Just come for a few days. Get some sleep.” He offers his hand to me. “No…” I look at him. “With or without your help I am going to do this.”