Higher Power

If every day was so hard, how was I able to make it and

why am I still alive to tell the tale? I think it is because I have

always believed in the existence of a higher power. That belief

was reinforced time and time again when, at the blackest of

times, I would ask for help and it would come. I remember a

time when I was about twelve or so. I would just start crying. I

couldn’t control it, but I could feel it coming on. I would sneak

off by myself and cry—and talk to God. Actually, I talked and

God listened. Well, the problem with crying in private is that

when you’re done, you end up with red eyes and look like you

have been crying. On the last occasion of my uncontrollable

crying, my mother saw me trying to sneak back into my room.

She asked me what was wrong. I didn’t know. However, she

hugged me and told me that she loved me. That is what I

needed, but it certainly wasn’t what I had asked God for.

That’s kind of how it seems to work. When you ask for help,

you generally get it, but it may not be in the form you want.

Fortunately, whatever my higher power may be, it is smarter

than I am. I felt better after that, for a while.

I think the mental health treatment “system” is seriously

negligent on the issue of spirituality. The general attitude is to

delegate all spiritual issues to a pastor or priest—someone

whose main focus is the religious side of life. The problem is

many of those people have an agenda that is not necessarily

compatible with recovery. Just look at all the crazy things done

in the name of religion. I should also point out that there are

also many competent faith-based counselors. However I think

that everyone is or should be an expert in their own spirituality.