Blueberry Patches

A simple poem about a complicated problem

Blueberry patches

on a faint trail of skin,

bruised fruit,

purple and dark as sin.

An orchard of these

slender and frail

ebony inside, inside the pale.

Desperate and hungry,

no signs of mirth

dying thirst,

roots wrench at the earth.

The world as it is

made out of tin

all that is natural dies with the wind.

Lost in the past, lost in the dreams

finding peace is not what is seems.

A chaos of storms-- it overthrows

causing the weeping in the willows.

 

Author's Note

I'm not excellent at poetry, but this one just came to me. It actually has a melody to go with it.

Reviews

[Michael X]

This is beautifully rendered..blue berry patches..dark as sin
I love the gothic feeling to your writing..the images are alive
and vibrant.. as the words entwine with emotions.. one can fully visualize
the happening.. which speaks of the detail.. and precise wording
You should post more poems.

[Kaye]

It's such a beautifully bittersweet poem. I could invision it as both picking blueberries on a gray day and as a child crying in a corner nursing their bruised body.
I loved your description. It was really intense and vivid.
The only line that bothered me was "ebony inside, inside the pale." which I think was a little awkward because of the repeating word. If you can find another way to state it, it might flow better, otherwise you could consider dropping "inside the pale" to it's own line.
Very nice. You should keep writing poetry! You really are good at it.

[Jeberle]

I was going to say, this sounds like a song, but you beat me to it. This is a very original and haunting poem. I especially liked "purple and dark as sin," "roots wrenched at the earth," and "causing the weeping in the willows." The imagery here is superb, and I think you strike a nice balance between the concrete and the abstract. The only criticism that I can offer is to say that the line near the end, "A chaos of storms -- it overthrows" seems a bit out of place and doesn't do much to carry the weight of this poem. You might consider reworking that line to preserve that potency of this image and to give the reader another image to latch onto between "the world...made of tin" and "the weeping in the willows."

Other than that, excellent job. I hope you write more poetry in the future. Keep up the good work!

[Shelly Wiseberg]

Its packed with great description, and an emotional write. I felt your poem,Shelly

[Kelley Pascoe]

The love the last line in this poem. It sums it up quite well. I enjoyed reading your writing and I will be back for more. Keep up the great work.
Kelley frost

[Daly]

I love the imagery you used in this poem. The rhyming scheme is also even and fits well in this piece. Great job! :-)