Chapter 1

They came at dinnertime. That used to be my favorite time of the day. Not anymore.

The car screeched to a halt next to our garage. Mom started at the noise. She peeked out from the window and went pale. Deathly white. Dad stopped eating, his hand white-knuckled around the fork. The utensil bent to a ninety degree angle as if it was made of clay. Sara, who's eleven, stared with terrified eyes. Asad, the four year old, continued to eat. He was too little to understand that I was going away. That I might never come back.

I'd prepared myself for months. I knew this day would come. I'd predicted the fright it would give me. But I hadn't predicted the erratic beating of my heart, the rush of adrenaline. It made me dizzy. I glanced around to see if they noticed my fear. Mom looked like a ghost. Too pale. I lifted a shaking hand and laid it atop hers. She clenched my fingers in a vice grip and wouldn't let go. Sara's chair screeched against the floor as she ran to me. A weight fell against my shoulder. Dad. 'What a great family picture this would be' I thought bitterly. Only, our expressions were all wrong. There was no love in our eyes, no warmth. There was only fear. 

It was then that reality finally hit. As footsteps thudded on the porch I grabbed Dad's hand and very nearly broke his bones. He didn't seem to care, however, and I clung to him like a drowning baby. There was a knock on the door. Pause. No one moved. No one breathed. Asad looked towards the door. He seemed to realize that something was wrong. There was another knock and suddenly the silence shattered. Mom gasped out a sob and hugged tight. Sara encircled her arms around us. Dad's face was weary. He looked so old. This time there was no mistaking the impatient tone of the knock as it almost dented the door. "Well open up, we haven't got all day!" yelled a gruff voice from the other side. I probably should've put on a brave face and spouted some heroic gibberish, but I couldn't. The prospect of leaving the safety of my house and my street was too much. I delved further into Mom's arms. Something flickered in Dad's eyes. His face turned stern. "Young lady", he said, "pull yourself together. You are of age. As such, you are required to act like it." Then he walked over to the door and opened it. "Finally", huffed the unwelcome visitor and stepped in.

Author's Note

If you find any problems within the chapters please tell me. Plus, the little blank box at the bottom is lonely. Will you be so generous as to fill it up? It's name is REVIEW.:)

Reviews

[April Child]

Good descriptions, the fear is palpable... If I was to be picky I would say take out one of the 'they's' from the first 2 lines . Instead of "they came at dinner time" you could say "the knock came at dinnertime" or something like that but as I said thats just me being picky :)

[Shivai]

Good narration, kept me intrigued. This reminds me of maze runner trilogy and matched trilogy for some reason. I would have loved a longer chapter though. Will be waiting for more!-Shivai

[Iris]

You make connections really fast. The plot was actually inspired by the Maze Runner, Hunger Games, and The Giver. Thank you for reading, though. And can you tell me if something needs correction? I'll try to post Chapter 2 soon. Once again, thank you.

[Shivai]

It did seem to relate to hunger games but faintly, matched series also have the "at the particular age something happens". You write well, however you might want to consider framing your sentences in different ways so it varies the rhythm of the story.

[Iris]

What do you mean?

[Shivai]

Nothing major, like instead of sayin 'jake is the boy' you could say "the boy is jake' If you et what i mean, but nevertheless, the story is well written

[Shivai]

If you know what i mean*

[Iris]

I get it but could you please give me an example from the chapter? I'm sorry if I'm bugging you. I really want to improve my writing. Should I stop?

[Shivai]

No no, not at all. Honestly, I really don't know how to explain it :'D. I think its called the varying of sentence types, complex, simple and compound sentences. The chapter is a mixture of only simple or compound sentences, you might want to add complex too to spice it up a bit. I really don't know which quote to take from the chapter, but I think you might get it over a period of time with longer chapters and as the story progresses. All the best -Shivai