26th March, 2010

I wrote this on my eighteenth birthday.

 

Today’s the day I came into this world

A raw excuse waiting to be distributed as an epic

 

It was in a bright afternoon, eighteen years ago

The world adopted me with blind prospects of living

 

A new summer exploded around my fresh mind back then

But today the seasons seem to change only according to taste

 

I’m eighteen today and still trying to understand

The meaning of the lines which continue to grow beyond my palm

 

Someday when this poem will turn eighteen

Life will be devoid of calendars, birthdays and deaths

 

Because we all will soon be lost in the forest of possibilities

Forgotten by the darker depths of the reality we hid in the roots of our past

 

Since each of us born on a man-made occasion

Purposely made to overshadow the meaning of routine

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

I agree with Mike on this one, I don't see why you wrote it this way. Couplets are almost exclusively used when they rhyme, which yours don't, and when they contain ideas among themselves, which yours don't. You could easily have made this one stanza, or two; it's not so long that it needs breaks that frequent.

And maybe my math is wrong, but the poem will be eighteen when you're thirty-six. Unless we hit nuclear war, I think we'll still have calendars birthdays and deaths. That stanza is a touch weird.

It's an interesting look at life, if a little out there, but I'm left more puzzled by your form than your content.

[zombiikillah666]

oooh yea,,i like it(:
im gunna write myself a bday poem..lol (:
happpy birthday

[B0Beauxs]

Happy Birthday!

I really like this poem, perfect message, it's short and sweet. The only little thing that is annoying me is "Blind Eyelids" surely you mean blind eyes?

Good poem :)

[G. Anderson]

Well, first, happy birthday :)
And I love this. It really shows your true emotion and what you think of this world, the possibilities, and what will happen. I envy your writing abilities and the talent of being able to capture raw emotion and provoke thought. I find that complicated to write down my thoughts and try to answer them, seeing as I think about sixty miles an hour... :)
Nice write, I hope to read more.
~Gage

[Ruth]

Ahh, happy birthday!
This is an awesome piece of work hon!
I can never remember early years you know!
Great poem
xx

[indianpaintbrushes]

i like how you went into the past and also the future with this. also a happy birthday to you

[Elaine]

I like how you try and imagine how you fealt when you were born. Awesome perspective.

[R.S. Wilder]

"Purposely made to overshadow the meaning of routine"

I agree - oh and ummm - Happy Birthday.