Crows

Lost my best friend.

New lows, old crows
I don't know how to grow
When you're on the throne
I got this tick in my mind
Wish you would let me unwind
My heart goes boom
Goin crazy alone in this room
It takes two to talk
But clearly that doesn't apply on your clock
never gave the time of day
While the others came and stayed
I'm not like those goons
You try to swoon
wouldn't let me do me
you don't decide when I'm free
Patience is all I've got
To keep me going in this time slot
Your time tics slower than the rest
It's the hardest to ingest.
Maybe one day I can prove to you
That my time is precious and true
By then I'm sure it'll be too late
For you to change our fate
Never would have thought it would come to this
Now were both alone in this dark abyss
Disappointment has no end
It's now my new best friend
One day you may see
What a friendship should be
I won't be there when you come back
I'm through with these panic attacks
I leave you be in your nest
unlike your guests
I deserved the best.

Author's Note

Feel free to write any sort of feedback.

Reviews

[Relic]

First off, I'm sorry about your friend. Broken friendships can hurt and leave a scar. It's just plain sad too.

As for the poem, it's a little too abstract and lacks detail. Some of the lines don't really make sense.

wouldn't let me do me
you don't decide when I'm free ?

When you're on the throne
I got this tick in my mind (Tense issue)

never gave the time of day ( do you mean "you" never gave the time of day?)
While the others came and stayed

Most of the rhymes are inaccurate and don't seem to have a purpose. It might be better to use blank verse instead. It all just seems contrived in order to make it fit a rhyme scheme. Keep writing.

[Isabelle]

Thank you for reviewing!!
I definitely need to revise some of the grammar and word choice. read moreThank you for reviewing!!
I definitely need to revise some of the grammar and word choice.
I agree, it is abstract. When i wrote it, the intended audience was to the person this poem is about.

[Relic]

You're welcome Isabelle.

[Jack...]

Isabelle, I liked this, I can feel your sadness and though I do agree with Relic below, there are a few issues, I don't agree with every thing. When someone is writing poetry with an extremely heavy heart, like I assume you were, there are some rules that just can't apply. If we have to follow rules, we can't write with passion. I like what you have done here and I know that as time passes you will become more honed in this craft. Keep writing my friend.

[Chaos_Collector]

The last part of this poem was sick! "Never would have thought it would come to this
Now were both alone in this dark abyss
Disappointment has no end" Grammar wise, it could use some work and punctuation couldn't hurt either, but aside from that, this poem is great. The flow is on point and there's some good metaphors and imagery in this as well. You seem to know how to express your emotions well!
It's now my new best friend
One day you may see
What a friendship should be
I won't be there when you come back
I'm through with these panic attacks
I leave you be in your nest
unlike your guests
I deserved the best."

[Glen Yumang Manese]

New lows, old crows
I don't know how to grow
When you're on the throne

The start of this and then to delve in the lines of the whole mess of things... and the last lines like the first 3 lines compliment each other:

I leave you be in your nest
unlike your guests
I deserved the best.

Like the transition between what was and what is now...I caught that in your lines...the rest of the piece is normal rhyme scheme...and serves as a separation...the whole write is down right raw and gives the feel to the reader...and speaks to you...loud and clear...if you put just those lines together they give much impact on the read:

New lows, old crows
I don't know how to grow
When you're on the throne
I leave you be in your nest
unlike your guests
I deserved the best.

Good to read you...all is not fair in love and war...you have to start over at times and realize what's important to you...

[Isabelle]

Thank you for reviewing!
I really appreciate the feedback.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You're welcome...I like dissecting areas of the read...if I want to get into the write...makes me think and enjoy the piece for what its worth...