A Man Does Weep

 

 

 

A Man Does Weep

 

 

1

   I sat rustling on a forest bench,

   Staring blankly at an empty park,

   Weeping softly into my hands.

   Troubled. Waiting for them to come,

   Becoming locked inside a desolate cage,

   For a crime that I was blamed for.

 

2

   I noticed two uniformed policemen,

   Working inside this concrete pen,

   I stood up swiftly, taking flight

   I journeyed through the wilderness,

   Hunting to find my sanctuary

   Or they will take my last few breaths.

 

3

   I found peace. I had a girl,

   My arm tight around her shoulder,

   Hearts joined with unbreakable rope.

   She lay motionless in my arms,

   Sleeping naked in Rose Red Blood.

   That night I did nothing but weep.

 

4

   A sanctuary found my soul,

   A sturdy shack hidden in the country,

   I told them all what had happened,

   About the sin and my girl.

   They smiled. Gave me a blanket.

   Safe from this deceit ridden world.

 

5

   The next day, I heard the door knock.

   Two police entered carrying guns.

   A snitch pointed them towards me.

   They raised their weapons; I was their scapegoat,

   Trodden on when necessary,  

    In cuff I said my last goodbye.

 

6

   The cell stood desolate and cold.

   Nothing green was within my sight.

   I stared endlessly at the dead metal bars.

   Weeping my eyes to sleep each night.

   It was not long before I began to think;

   Why did I kill my girl that night?

 

 

Author's Note

New version- Can you review it again please?

Reviews

[Andrew (not Andy, A.J. ..]

Whoa...I had to double take a few times on that last line...And what's up with pigs holding guns? And the rat thingy? I don't get it...Is this the type of pig that says oink and rolls in the mud and eats gross things? If so, why are they holding guns and sending people to jail?
I DON'T GET IT!!! Could you perhaps explain in the author's notes?
"I found peace. I had a girlfriend,
My arm tight around her shoulder,
Hearts joined with unbreakable string.
She lay motionless in my arms,
Sleeping naked in Rose Red Blood.
That night I did nothing but weep."
Fav stanza. No mention of barnyard animals holding guns...

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Congrats on your winning poem!

[Faith]

oh my, that was my favorite...the ending was a shockerr loll. very touching, you have a knack for emotions, i feel what you feel in a lot of your poetry, which shows you are very talented.

-Faith♥

[Cคɾเ&#..]

A very nice twist....wasn't expecting that one, that was for sure. So far your poem and a story are my top two favorites, I still can't make up my mind. This is very well written though, great job and nice story line!

[Melissa Kesead]

Very troubling and sad; sometimes we know not what we do or why. Thanks for sharing.

[Gheeneil]

When it was mentioned he was their scapegoat, i presumed he was in denial then. The last two lines would elaborate that he did kill her. That was, I think, his realization. Nice twist.

[Matthew Green]

Great!
I like the way you completely turn it around in the last line - it seems as though he was blamed, then at the end he reveals he actually did it.
I can definitely see the contrast between nature and man, though i don't think i would if you hadn't pointed it out. Also - i don't know if you did it on purpose, but it seems kind of like the first half of each stanza is a nice personality, while the second half shows his darker side - like he's schizophrenzic, however that's spelt.
So yeah, pretty cool poem. Big smiley =D

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I sat rustling on a forest bench,
Staring blankly at an empty park,
Weeping softly into my hands.


Wow! I simply loved these opening lines the most, though the text was equally good but it is the opening lines which really out stood for me :)
This piece of writing is breathtakingly beautiful, as it is so true and descriptive.
As a reader, I could feel every emotions so clearly!

Awesome work!

[Jimmy Greenie]

Nice. Out of interest, what was the last line of the old version, because it seems that people were somewhat confused by it. Barnyard animals with guns? Please explain. Despite that, wonderful poem, really good. I finally worked out what happened in it - that he did commit the crime he was blamed for and that it had been the killing of the girl he loved - in the last stanza. Very good!

[danni.]

Pretty good, really poweful. I like it. :]

[Legion]

Pure genius - no. Utter tosh - no on that one too. You have an interesting story line going here, but it needs some rewriting a bit. Not bad, but could be better. Let me know if you redo it and I'll reread it.