Between Two Worlds

Torn between family and true love.

Finally, I have found her, I have found the love of my life for the first time and this time I know that shes the one.

We first met on my annual leave from work at a restaurant in the city and we've been good ever since.

I am 32, my wife is 38 and we have been married for a year now. We haven't got any children yet but we're trying. We used to be so happy together but we haven't made love or even hugged and kissed for sometime now. All my friends always ask how did I manage to get such a great catch, but my feelings for her seems to be a distant memory.

I met this remarkable girl 3 years back, We got along very well and every time I'm alone I always thought about her a lot and about the brief time we were together. I called her a couple of times before but we lost touch, we haven't spoken ever since.

A year later, I was on another annual leave and I have visited the same restaurant and we have met again by a complete surprise. I have never expected amazing things, I thought that the language barrier and culture differences would mean long periods of not much to say to one another, but believe it or not, it wasn't like that not at all, we've got a long wonderfully and from then I knew I had to see her again.

Now I call her everyday and I arrange a trip to the city whenever I can to go see her. We are deeply in love, and everything about us being together is amazing, and I have never felt this way before.

I have been sending her money every month to help her out. I am not naive. I have read forums about the dangers of money-grabbing women and scammers but she is not like that. She came to this country to earn money to send to her family and help them out every chance she gets and she has a little girl back in her mother country land.

I haven't told anyone about her or about me and her together and she knows nothing about my families life and their traditions, and has no Idea that I am married, I am worried that When I tell her she may want nothing more to do with me and who could blame her? I could end up losing everything. All I want is to be happy and she goes out of her way to make sure I am.

I worry about my wife, what if it turned out that she is pregnant after our tries to get pregnant, I don't want the kid to grow up without a father!  but how can I stay in a loveless marriage when I’ve met my soul-mate?

I have never been more confused in my life and I feel so emotional all of the time, its crazy. I guess my wife and I could go to Relate but the first thing for me to do would be to stop all contact with my girlfriend, and I could never do that.

I do realize that this girl is the embodiment of all my fantasies about how life could and would be but I must wake up to the real world and to my responsibilities. I am a husband with a child hopefully who's future depends on me...

If you’re unhappy in your marriage, chances are your wife is too. Babies often

trigger home problems if the parents are unhappy with each other then their love life is at stake but it can be resolved if the two of them put an effort in it. 

My girlfriend comes from a culture where woman's formal daily life is to please her life partner, but it doesn’t mean she loves you as we understand the term. I doubt she’d call you her soulmate.

Her family most likely helps look after her kid while I am around now also. Life could feel very different if it was you, her and her kid. And I know I am aware of the risks of being exploited, but I am here for her.

The moral of the story is, Before risking everything and everyone here, at least try to recapture what you and your wife once shared before you give up. Talk to Relate, but maybe go alone to start with while you decide if your family or this girl comes first.

Reviews

[Cherrie Palmer]

Excellent moral, relationships take great care, and marriages should never be disposable.

[Joey Nizz]

If you have promised your self with another to spend your life with then, make sure before you take this step is that this is what you want.

Thank you for your review Cherrie.