Hawkshead

As yet, only a draft - please comment

HAWKSHEAD

I crossed a lake upon a boat;

My! How I hoped the boat would float

It did, and on the other side,

Securely to the jetty tied

Was confident enough to scramble

Upon the shore in time to ramble

Up and down a village street

Over stones that hurt my feet

In Hawkshead, Lakeland village - neat.

 

A pub – The Sun – then took my eye;

A pint, a pint became my cry,

With ploughman’s lunch –

 Whose crusty crunch I gladly munch;

On freshest bread – it must be said,

To finest cheese my thoughts have fled

Aye! Cheese, crisp bread and strongest ale

With salad, pickle- they’ll not fail -

Sustain us over hill and dale.

 

We’ve finished now our crisp bread roll,

Our village lunch, our gentle stroll;

The rhythms of our footfall change

As we extend our walking range

And rising from our village seat

We change to five iambic feet.

The bank we tread has trees upon it

Where feet now walk to  gentle sonnet:- 

 

So, now our feet keep time to different beat

Thus reinforced, our steps take to the road;

The sun ahead calls onward – no retreat,

Rippling through woodland, beech and oaks’ abode.

We stride the lakeside’s golden afternoon

Sampling the freshness of a moistened air

Foot-feeling country’s beauty, Nature’s boon 

Mind’s eye entranced, such beauty to ensnare.

 

This wonder comes of wholesome, simple things

Just colours, scents, the form of wind-strewn cloud

Imagination makes a waiting soul take wings

While beauty makes the voice of man shout, Loud!

 

With all the senses I – mere man – possess,

I crave such beauty shall be more, not less.

Author's Note

A mix of ditty and sonnet. Comment please

Reviews

[Markymark]

Ahhh John. I have missed your creative genius. I think I would have preferred the straight sonnet for this piece. The ditty part adds an element of lightness which is what I think you were going for....but the added parts make the piece seem like two pieces juxtaposed between lines. Somehow the visual bounces from the inward parts of the thought processes of the writer to the beauty of the English countryside. Let me read it again. This is a deviation from your norm. I like the feel, love the idea and feelings conveyed so expertly, and cannot wait to read your final lines. I'm different from most....so other readers may completely disagree. This piece is begging to be a Shakespearian sonnet.

[E.J. Stevens]

This is pure genius. Such a wonderful idea and well done.

[Emily B]

I came back to read again. Pure pleasure. I enjoyed it so much!!! Lovely, lovely stroll.

[emmajoy]

Dear John,

few writers and poets can equal your work about places, their atmosphere and the emotions felt whilst visiting them. You paint cities, villages and panoramas alike with an extraordinary sweep of brush-stroked words and bring it all alive and there before the reader's eyes.

I know and love Cumbria, visited, walked, explored, so many times; with this post you've taken me back. There's a magic feel to the place, especially at dawn and dusk .. plus, glistening water by day, beautiful night star-filled skies. Even the rain - and there can be plenty of it .. can be wonderful!

As to your writing skill, you use words and phrases with such deftness .. a gentle sonnet indeed, ringing with careful metre. However, I have to admit that my very favourite part is your Hawlshead second verse. I'm pretty sure the Lakeland poets would have laughed, understanding the joie de vivre of a man like you!

Great and blissful write and, right to the core of the Lake District!

' This wonder comes of wholesome, simple things ~~ Just colours, scents, the form of wind-strewn cloud; ~~ Such sense-delights as make the soul take wings, ~~ Man's inner voice, break out to shout aloud. '

[Belator Books]

Impressive... the prelude is a poem in of itself. The familiarity and cherished paths come through well, and the rhymes do not appear cheesy in the least, but merely enhances the cheer and pleasantry of this piece. Nicely done. I felt a hankering to visit the place myself.

[R J Askew]

I know the place. Your pre-amble made me want to be there again, even as a sheep. It also made me think of Dove Cottage and Rydal (sp?) Mount. And a great stay with my family not that long ago at a nearby Youth Hostel.

There is great Englishness and gentleness in the way you appreciate and describe the moment in the first poem. The sonnet I love ... I like the 8/4/2 scheme and the pastoral theme is timeless, charming and calming to the spirit. I think this line captures the philosophy of the poem and the way you capture your appreciation of the place: 'This wonder comes of wholesome, simple things'. It is just so true and a truth we in our mad materialism forget. It is a key message of universal importance. And those who understand it and live by it are, I believe, the happier for it. It also recalls Wordsworth's 'plain lving and high thinking'. I will now treat myself to a peep at the photos.

[An owl on the moon]

You make everything sound so vividly alive and wonderful! One can see the lake, feel the cobblestones, taste the ale and bread, hear the echoes of your steps, and sense the lightness of such an adventure. You truly do inspire your readers to journey out among the wonders of their world. Such a joy to read!

[Emily B]

With all the senses I � mere man � possess,

I crave such beauty shall be more, not less.

This is how I want to live. Evoking the beauty of life in all things. What a wonderful summer ramble. . .

[J]

Ahhhhh, your poet heart does sing to mine!!! I do find the complete work a thrill and whimsey to the spirit! How I see brilliance in the shift in cadence, as the sun tires and casts her shadows long and more slowly with a tummy full and content from the day's express focus, let us now wonder on those pleasures that escape the frenzy of daylight's demands:

"With all the senses I � mere man � possess,/I crave such beauty shall be more, not less."

Perfection, my friend. As I say, you are a poet after my heart ........

j

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I thought this was brilliant my friend! It has a playful air and a humorous mood about it. It reminded me of the writing of the great Jonathan Swift and I cannot give much greater praise than that. I noticed that you change off the rhyme scheme near the end in a delightful mixture. Loved this!