Under The Moon

See first review, for a little better description

                       

 

            The shadows dance across her body with every flick and wave of the flame.  The light from the candle plays over her skin, letting me trace her slowly with my eyes.  I take her in, every curve, every mark, every scar and every freckle.  I let the image soak into my mind, and hope that she will stay in my memories as she was tonight.  I pray silently that when I think of her I can feel as if she’s mine; even if all we had was tonight.  Even if, when the sun comes up, all she leaves me with is her smell on my skin, and that tingle in my fingertips that hasn’t left me since the second I touched her. 

            I slide my body closer and wrap my arms around her.  I feel her shiver against the cooler touch of my arms, and pull her in tighter; feeling her breath against my skin.  Her face rests against my chest as the heat builds and pools between our bodies.  I focus on the candle behind me willing the flame to extinguish.  I hold her in the dark, thinking of her murky green eyes, of the feel of her body on top of mine, of the smell of her skin when I kissed her neck, of the way she looked at me when I pressed my body against hers; mostly I thought of her kiss.  My mouth holds the imprint of her taste and heat of her lips; the confusion of how bad I had wanted it without knowing it echoed in my mind.   My instincts tell me to move, but the closeness and contact of her skin numbs me like a poison.   I slide my fingers across her arm, and lace them with hers; feeling a familiarity that shouldn’t be there.  My muscles relax as if they had always belonged next to her. I can feel the minutes slip by, and the understanding that our time is almost over fills me with anxiety and relief; feeling and knowing clashing inside of me bending my perception of what is right.  The weight of what will come tries to force itself into this space, and her presence alone makes me safe, makes me strong. 

            “I can’t” I tell myself, feeling hazy with a comfort I have no right to feel.  I drift to sleep in her arms, feeling that old memory creeping into my dreams, and knowing that it’s time to face it. 

 

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Author's Note

I don't really like to start at the beginning, so this first short page is a setup to a flashback that will start the story. It is mostly based on some thoughts I posted earlier; so props to a real good friend that has no clue she broke me out of some major writers block.

Hope you enjoy reading.

Reviews

[Global Norskie]

Well written! The words trickled smoothly without any awkward pause. I can't see any major faults here :) If I was to squeeze out any contructive criticism would be to not use "feel" as often towards the end (used four times quite close to each other). Other than that, beautiful writing.

[WriterMe]

This was really good. I mean, your description are always brilliantly worded but this was just something else. The first paragraph was just breath-taking. You'd be a finalist in my contest, if you would enter this chapter. But besides that I really liked this. Aha, sugarcoating again. Oh well. =]

[-Jaime-]

I don't really know where this will end up yet. This is the best description I can do for now.
Galen, even at 9, is very intuitive. He knows there are things out there that he can feel, and not see. What he doesn't know is that those things are more aware of him, than he is of them; and that someone that can feel them makes a very, very good meal. Soon he's gonna find himself caught in a fight against them that will take his parents lives, and will force him to find out what makes him different if he wants to survive.

I know it's an old premise, but I think it's actually gonna turn out pretty interesting.... This is also the first time I show my writing without some heavy editing and re-writing; so please go heavy on the comments and reviews if needed.