The New and Improved Alice

Bounty Hunting in Wonderland

Alice spits out her toothpick.

"Will they all be there, Chesh?"

"Yes, Alice..."

"How do you know?"

"I looked..."

"Did they see you?"

"You know they never do..."

"Ok, Chesh.  Let's go."

"Wait..."

"What?"

"Are you sure you want to do this...?"

Alice breathes in, exhales softly.

"I want to do this."

"Yeah...but can you do this, to them...?"

Alices takes another breath.  

The whispering is in her ears.

"Will you do this for our Queen...?"

"You know I have to..."

"Yeah...but do you want to...?

Alice thinks.

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Hmmmm.....mmmppppp.....ppppprrrrrrrr....."

"Thats what I thought."

"Aliccccccceeeeeeeee..."

Alice groans.

"Now what?"

"How long has it been, since you last saw them, hmmmmnnn...?"

"Chesh?"

"Yes, my dear...?"

"Shut the f**k up."

"Haha. Hahahahahaha......!"

His voice subsided.  The laughing faded.  Alice waited.  His voice never went away, not really, often interrupting the flow of messages to her brain.  Cheshire mostly baited her, goaded her, or otherwise complained.  He was consistantly inappropriate, in other instances, outright rude.  She waited.  Alice let seconds turn into several minutes of blank staring, straight ahead, apparently at nothing until she was sure.

"That's what I thought."

Alice couldn't honestly remember the last time she had laid eyes on them.  The Red Queen had seen to that.  She had washed Alice's brain as thoroughly as a sack of dirty laundry.  Alice subconciously fingered at the thick scar found on the base of her skull.  That is where they implanted it.  A microchip ironically called Cheshire.  As a way to monitor her movements, sure, but also to help keep track of and eliminate any threat to the Red Keep and ultimately, the King and Queen.  She thought she heard chuckling coming from somewhere inside her but she couldn't be sure.  "Goddamn Cheshire Cat", she thought.

The blast of warm air on her face felt good.  She stepped out refreshed from behind the bushes and stood in the clearing where they had held such lovely tea parties so long ago...

Everything had stayed exactly as she remebered it.  The same smooth grass underneath her slippered feet.  The same wind wafting through her hair.  The same pristine flowers sprouting everywhere she looked, the same sunlit breeze from her memories, softly traversing her upturned face.  Blinking the sun's glare out from her eyes as she clambered through the wood, Alice looked towards the old table and rickety chairs where she knew they would be sitting, talking maniacally over their noon teas.  Alice finally levelled her gaze on their old familiar faces.  Encircling the wooden table, there in the middle of the dale, sat her friends. Now, ex-friends.  Especially the one with the satin top hat who had eventually became Alice's ultimate nemisis.  

"So you've finally found us", his voice was gravel and sour lemonade.

"Didn't think you'd be dumb enough to come back here." She said.

"Where else could we go...?  The Red Queen kills everyone we come into contact with!  Anyone we meet!  Since...since we lost you, well, what did you expect us to do, Alice?"

"To leave Wonderland!  To get eaten by a Bandersnatch!  I expected you to kill yourself after what you did to Tweedle Dee and Dum!  To Catapillar!  To Mr. Walrus and the Carpenter!  To my Chesh...but, no.  You've never even said sorry for any of it, slender man."

Alice, breathing heavely, picking up both guns and pointing them directly at his lengthy outline.

"What do I expect you to do, slim?  I EXPECT YOU TO CRAWL ON YOUR KNEES UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!""

Alice blasts the teacups in front of the scarecrowish man in his ridiculous top hat with frizzy red hair poking out from underneath.  The tall man doesn't so much as flinch when the exploding porcelain sends delicately painted shards madly spiraling towards his placid, pallor stricken face.  Alice's hand cannons smoke from the satisying discharge and she bends her arm to sniff at the cordite infused air, it's whirls of grey slipping up her tiny circular nostrils.  No one moves an inch.  Not the fat man sweating underneath the rubbery rabbit mask.  Not the shorter, quiter looking lad with the Mickey Mouse ears atop his ratlike face, the mask's string running visibly under his weak chin.  

The very thin gentleman in the top hat stands up at the end of the table.  He places both hands flat upon its surface and grins a bloody grin.  Alice smiles back menacingly.  Alice's abrupt entrance holds the attention of every single person at the table.  Hell, even without the ensuing theatrics she was impressive.  Her inspired outfit was a dress made from red bloody roses.  Her pearl and silver single action colts flashed like fire against her moonlight skin, the red lace embroidered fingerless gloves running smoothly up her wrists.  Alice stands there, her arms weighted by the silver handled grips of her newfound strength.  She now has the willpower to do exactly what she wants to do, and subsequently what she was being paid to accomplish by the Red Queen.

And Now... 

Off With Their Heads...

The fat, greasy fingers of the man in the rubber bunny mask finally feels the trigger of the sawed off shotgun duct taped underneath the mohagany colored coffee table, and in a flash the weapon is up, wildly barking orders from both barrels like an angry drill sargeant.

"Take this, b***h!"

The blast narrowly missing her trim frame strips away the bark from a nearby tree.  Her ears ringing as she dives.  She thinks she hears a muffled speech being made as she struggles halfway up to her knees.  The tall man's mouth is open and blaring obscenities as he upends the heavy table sending refreshments and pastry trays full of pastries crashing over Alice's scrambling form.  Unslinging the twin guns he has holstered beneath each armpit the tall man begins shooting like a lunatic.  

"I'll kill you all, I swear it!  I'll kill you before I let you breathe another day!", Alice screams. 

Mouse has his knife out the instant he sees Hare has brought out the party favors for Alice to play with.  Mouse has wanted to play, too.  At the same time Alice's body slams onto the grass in front of his shoes, Mouse begins to stab her, slashing at her back and legs with the switchblade he had kept hidden in his trousers.  The tall man in the top hat is dealing justice from his double fists with reckless abandon, both guns hammering as he runs zig-zagging from table to table and finally into the surrounding shrubbery.  

Alice rolls out from under the Mouse's frenzied attacks and c***s the pistol in her left hand with the red painted pad of her thumb and...BLAM!  The bullet punches a hole several inches in diameter over Mouse's right eye.  His brains fly out the back of his young skull like a kite.  Alice rolls slightly left as his body flops lifelessly unto the earth beside hers.  She hardly has any time to use his body as an uncoventional shield before the next round of marching orders comes barreling from the fat man's general direction.  Mouse's body takes the hits without complaining, his blood and bones spraying outwards like petals of a flower.  

"They're going to kill you, you know..."

"Shut up Chesh!"

"You've already let one get away..."

Alice screams in her frustration.  Reaching over Mouse's slumped corpse Alice fires three shots into the fat, hairy man's torso.  Guts spill forth like ribbons of red silk.  Hare looks down at what he's holding in his hamfists and falls backwards unto his a*s in disbelief.  He looks up at Alice tucked neatly behind his best friend and then sees no more as Alice's bullet passes squarely through his adam's apple and out the back of his flabby throat.  Alice stands up and surveys this quiet little tea party in the woods, suddenly turned murderous wasteland.  No more than a few seconds had passed. "Where the hell is he?", she asks.  

"At the present...running, to...where I do not know..."

"What good are you for then, Chesh?"

"Absolutely everything and nothing, my dear...  We are all mad here..."

Alice thinks.

"That's what I thought."

It was the beginning of the end for him, Alice thought.  That tall b*****d's death would soon come, and at her hand.  She would make him pay for what he did.  She would make them all pay for taking away her most beloved friends and her precious Cheshire Cat.  The Red Queen will pay a king's ransom for the Mad Hatters' head.  Alice knew he was well aware of this fact and could run on only for so long.  Good thing all the Queen required of him was his fat, fuzzy head because the rest of him...well...that was up to Alice.

Author's Note

for terry smith and his alice contest

Reviews

[Sesame]

Hello Joshua,

Thanks for entering the competition. I really enjoyed this story and it would be the kind of story that I would normally be happy to include in the publication of the e-magazine, but alas not a winner this time. I do not have the time to provide a detailed critique on all the submissions, but a few remarks:


- The story is creative, violent, original, but written rather sloppily : I have spotted over 30 typos
- "Yeah...but do you want to...?" -> Alice already mentioned she did.

Still I am a bit sad not to include you in the finals. Maybe for a future edition, you could give this a good round of editing and reenter the competition!

Regards,

Sesame

@followsesame on Twitter

www.themagiccave.com

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

Thank you for the opportunity.

[terry smith]

Feakin awesome my friend!!!

[Star Wolf]

This version has much more depth to it. It gets into Alice's mind and we find out the cat isn't really a cat at all but a control device put in her head. We learn as well that Alice is being controlled. It seems she wants to do this killing but does she really? Once things seemed better between them but no more. I really enjoyed this version. You did a great job on this rewrite. I'd say its an improvement over the first one by far.

[JMKane117]

Yes! I love fan fiction and anything Alice. I loved how badass she is, and Chesh in her head, brilliant! Mouse's death was just so perfect. I saw that perfectly in my head. One note however, your tense changes from present to past. I don't know if that's intentional. But for instance in the paragraph that begins: "The very thin gentleman in the top hat stands at the end of the table...." You start off in the present tense almost. But in the next line: "He placed both hands flat upon its surface and grins a bloody grin." You combine past and present. Again if that's intentional then you're good, but my writer instincts see that and cringe a little. Then again, anything Carroll makes me cringe and then love it more.
Ps. I'm new here. Maybe you could come and read a chapter of my novel and let me know what you think. Either way, I defs want to read more of your stuff. ;)

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

Thank you for reading. The present to past problem you nailed it perfectly. I had drafted this differently and argued a lot with how it was supposed to work out. Thanks for the time it took to write a bit back. I know I could use the help! Yes, I will read your work! Thanks for stopping in!

[Tomoe Tellez]

Oh my god, you did an amazing job with this version, looks like a chapter from a novel. I just love how you describe everything, the moves, the action, Alices clothes, the dialogue (Absolutely everything and nothing, my dear... We are all mad here...).

"So you've finally found us", his voice was gravel and sour lemonade.
I especially loved that part.

Just a little observation, in the line that says "Alice breathing heavely(heavily) has both guns up and pointed direstly(directly) at him" .

This is just great! Loved it!

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

if it has direction then i am glad its headed in a better direction. thanks CP

[Tomoe Tellez]

You are welcome, and thank you for sharing this amazing piece of writing.

[Cherry Pepperweb]

OMG I love that she is so badass!
It's fun being badass sometimes, or pretending to be...
Great story.

[Tomoe Tellez]

Wow! That was great. Just how I love fairy tale twist, full of action. I just wished it was a longer story, and more dialogue would make it complete.

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

I'm really working on this and its a hedache. Im taking it down til its done but i love how terry smith insipired this guilty pleasure cuz i do need those things in there. when it shines up i'll repost

[Tomoe Tellez]

Great, I'll be waiting!

[StoriesbyAliyah]

I always think that writers can edit their work because there might be some things that we as writers do not notice initially but other people will point out. I like the story ! it is very descriptive and I can imagine the actions in my head. Maybe add some more dialogue ? overall great work!

[Joshua Carl Cruz]

i suck at dialouge, setting, and character development. I like this idea but im still working on it. I love my idea, just not the headache involved trying to figure out how to make it work. Thnaks for the help A. aprreciate it!

[FaeryQueen]

i think you should continue this!

[Lasune]

An awesome twist you have put on this, Alice is a total Badass in this story.