Small Business

Small sample of something i would love to finish some day.. would love to hear any feedback. never showed anybody anything I've written. thanks

 In one of the city’s most dangerous bars, Where Drug dealer and murderer alike came to quench there many thirsts, be it for violence or liquor, a young woman approached the bartender, she was tall, complimented by some outrageous red high heels. She wore a leather jacket wrapped around her tight so as not to attract any unwanted attention, and skin tight jeans. She was greeted by many a wolf whistle on her way through the bar.

  "One Gin and tonic please" She said softly. Her dark red her covered her face, but the bartender could see her fearful expression. "What’s a classy little piece like you, doing in a place like this", he chuckled. His remark was met by a round of several sniggers throughout the bar, she said nothing, and the barkeep turned to fix her drink.  All the villainous characters in the place seemed to be fixated on her now, All but one, who was posted down at the end of the bar, he seemed completely oblivious to everything that was happening around him.

She began to study the lone figure, He seemed far different to the other men in the bar, somewhat.. Superior.  He was dressed in fine suit. Black jacket, black shirt, No tie. His face was clean shaven and his dark hair was styled to perfection, the way he swirled his drink in the palm of his hand.  What was a man like that, doing in a place like this?

"6.50", the bar keeper growled at her. She left a 20 on the bar and turned to find an empty booth, she sat down quietly, and sipped her drink slowly, determined to remain alert, when suddenly the suited man rose from his stool and strode over to the pool table where to biker-gang members had just finished their game.

"So, any of you boys play for money, or is business slow?" He asked them as he smirked, One of the bikers reached for his belt and withdrew a large black pistol, "You a cop pretty boy!?," he snarled.  By now rest of the criminals in the bar had surrounded the mysterious suited man.  The girl began to move from her seat, but before she could act His hand shot out in her direction and he pointed for her to be seated, but said nothing. She froze. Confused, he was smiling, it seemed this handsome stranger was to meet his untimely end. But then he spoke "Unfortunately for you, I am not a cop" His arm shot out once more to capture the wrist of the brute who once stood dominant over him with a gun.  There was a sickening crackle as the gun fell to the floor and the large man reeled back grasping his now crippled hand and toppled over a bar stool, The faint sound of police sirens became apparent, and the rest of his gang members vacated the bar and nothing but the roar of motorcycles starting up could be heard as they fled the scene.

The suited Vigilante turned to face her and she was able to see him clearly for the first time under the lights, He seemed by all accounts a very average white collar sophisticated man, handsome, kind faced. His pearlescent green eyes startled her, his skin was pale and his thick dark lashes stood out further framing his striking eyes. Something caught her eye, a thick scar that started at the base of his neck and disappeared under his suit.

“Pushbike accident,” He chuckled,

“I .. Uh.. ,” she stammered. Not realising how blatantly she had been staring this stranger down.

He took her hand and led her out of the bar briskly and around to the back parking lot, where he let go of her hand and turned back to her, “So, will you need a ride this evening?”

“Oh I don’t think that will be necessary, “

“Its two in the morning in the worst part of town and you almost got caught in the cross fire inside a bar and now you want to walk home? Did you have a death wish when you left the house tonight?  Or are you one of those girls who are into real bad guys, I’m a pretty bad guy,” he winked at her.

“No, No, and in that case I definitely won’t be taking a ride home with you, and besides I don’t see a car out here anyway.”

At almost the second that the words had left her red lips, A Helicopter whirred towards them over the rooftops of the buildings.

“You are kidding me right..”

He said nothing, The helicopter descending towards them whipping up dust causing gale force winds. She stooped as the helicopter landed right behind him,  The door slid open.

“ so how about that ride?!” he yelled over the noise of the chopper .

 

                      *******

Even the ghettos and slums of the city looked nice from above in the night, “Much better the fly over it then to walk through it right,?” he smiled at her.

“Yes I suppose your right, but if you think I’m going to be swept of my feet by a nice suit and a helicopter you’ve got another thing coming stranger,”

He laughed walked back into the cockpit, she had no idea where she was being taken, a short while went by and she felt the chopper starting to descend. She looked out the window to see the city skyline rising up to meet them. She’d never been all the way into the city, tonight was the furthest she’d ever been from home….

“Come on, I’ve got to stop in at work for a minute,” he said as the chopper slowing touched down onto the roof of a building. He seemed to effortlessly glide down the stairs while she tried her best to keep up with him in her high heels. “What do you do anyway,!? “ she gasped as they reached the bottom of the stairs. “Small business owner,” He chuckled.

Small business? What kind of small business do you stop in to at 3 in the morning on a Saturday night in the city. Who was this guy. She began to think she may have been better off in the biker bar, they emerged out of the building into the bustling street. The city was loud, and bright, the street was littered with people. Drunken people who seemed to be enjoying their weekend out in the city, the night life here was famous all over. People come for miles just to spend a night out on the town here.

Then suddenly she saw something, A large, bright neon sign at the top of a round building, as they got closer she was able to make out what it said, “Small Business”.  Small Business was the centre of all that is clubbing and night life in the city, it was basically the V.I.P Nightclub.  Pro Athletes, movie stars and Famous musicians alike could all be found within these walls.

“I suppose you’ve used that line more than once?” She sneered

“Only a couple of times,” he laughed.

They entered the club, and she couldn’t help but feel a little bit fancier. They walked straight passed the line, up the two hulking bouncers. “Evening Boss, Mam,” His deep husky voice seemed to rumble out of his mouth. He moved the velvet rope aside and they entered. She’d heard about this place, read about it online, heard stories about It from friends who’d heard from friends of friends. But she never knew anyone who had ever been inside before.

The First floor was breathtakingly loud, The Deep bass boomed throughout her whole body, The Dance floor was surrounded by a “U” Shaped bar all the way to the front. The flashing lights and smoke machines all added to the effects, and in the very centre of a dance floor, a marble pillar rose out of the floor, shimmering under the strobe lights. The top of this pillar was graced by an incredibly beautiful woman, slowly moving her body in a seductive manner, her hips rolling in time with the bass. She was almost unable to look away from her, but before long she was taken by the hand and led into a large elevator. 

“So what do you think so far, not bad hmm,” he bragged.

“It’s something else, that’s for sure,” she sighed, she was impressed this time. The elevator doors slid open to reveal the second floor, the atmosphere up here was completely different. And the smell of rich Cuban cigar smoke flooded her nostrils. On the front stage a band was playing, the smoothest jazz she had ever had. This was probably the fanciest place she’d ever been in to. An enormous crystal chandelier dangled effortlessly from the ceiling providing a dim light for this floors occupants. More tantalisingly beautiful women in wisps of clothing were tending to the beverage orders of the guests, there porcelain skin still shining under the soft glow of the chandelier.  They seemed to glide across the floor, so elegantly. But before she could make any more observations of this incredible lounge bar, He led her behind the bar, through to the back of the fridge

“What the hell are you doing, its freezing in here-,” She trailed off as He pushed the back wall of the cold room and it opened, and they were standing in another elevator. They rose to the top floor of the building. The doors opened and she found herself in the centre of what might have been the most amazing room she had ever set foot in. The room had to floor to ceiling glass windows the whole way around, providing the most spectacular 360 degree panoramic view of the city sky line. All the furniture was curved on one side to fit perfectly against the windows, and it was all the one side so the view was left unobstructed on the other. 

A large mahogany desk topped with 4 monitors and a keyboard, and perhaps the most executive throne like leather office chair there was on the market. Further Along the curved window-wall in the centre of the furniture was a King sized black leather bed, laced with Saturn sheets, Further alone was a seemingly hand crafted wooden Bar, with fridges built in to the front.  The stools at the bar looked out across the bright lights of the city.

He walked Behind the bar and Gestured for her to take a seat at one of the stools, She did so..

“Another Gin and Tonic, Perhaps?” He smirked, clearly very impressed that even with the hectic events of the evening he managed to remember her drink order.

“I suppose the least I can do is let you buy me a drink, you’ve certainly been trying hard to impress me, and I guess it would accentuate this view," she winked

"Coming Right up mam,"

They both laughed as he began to fix her drink, His hands move with such swift precision; As if he'd made the drink thousands of times before, perhaps he started off in the night club business behind the bar.

He handed her the drink, His hand disappeared once more below the bar and returned with a clear crystal bottle that was about half full with brown liquid.

"Gin is terrible, this is Scotch, Very Old, Very expensive, Very overrated, Scotch" He joked

"So, what were you doing in that bar, you must know the dangers on that side of town. Who knows what would have happened to you if i hadn’t of been there."

"Well i suppose it’s just lucky for me that you were there, handsome stranger. Tell me your name,” She flirted, as she leaned over the bar and reached out a hand to run her fingers down his arm.

"Troy, Troy Cole," He stated.

"Well, Mr Cole. You, can call me Scarlett, and I have to admit, this has to be one of the most exciting Saturday nights I’ve had in a while," She whispered as she leaned in close to him. She could smell his Cologne; His eyes shone brilliantly and remained fixated on hers.  The room swirled, Enticed by her surroundings, and her company, and perhaps her drink. She pressed her lips against his, his soft pink lips.

Troy turned his head away and gently pushed her back to arm’s length and held her there.

“I’m sorry, this can’t happen.”

She felt so foolish, her face turned bright red as the embarrassment flooded to her cheeks.

“My Mistake,” She blurted

Before Troy could say or do anything, She raced into the elevator and the door slid shut behind her. Once inside the elevator she calmed herself. Before walking through the cold room, on her way through the lounge bar she snatched a champagne glass from a passing waitresses tray, ‘” HEY!” But she darted into the elevator before the waitress could do anything about it.

Once back on ground level, where the music was still blaring and the partying had not showed any signs of slowing down. She pushed and bumped her way through to crowd to the bar and ordered three Tequila shots, slammed them down, and made her way to the rest room. She washed her face, fixed her face and took a deep breath. “No more getting side-tracked. ,” she whispered softly to herself. And she headed out of the restroom, out of the booming nightclub, and onto the street to hail a cab.

                      *********

Troy Stood, and stared unblinking out over his city, Withdrew a cigar from within his suit, he lit it up, breathed in deep. And exhaled slowly, producing a thick cloud of smoke “Careful darling, you’re going to set the off the smoke detectors,” a woman purred.

On the street below he saw Scarlett climbing into the back seat of the cab, and it sped off.

“Evening Elena,” he coaxed as he turned to face her.

Elena was stunning, She always looked like she'd just stepped off a photo shoot set, because she always just had, Her sun kissed olive skin with its warm enticing glow, Her Full lips that her words just rolled out of in her seductive Mediterranean accent. She had big brown eyes Filled with passion and lust for Troy, And it radiated throughout the rest of her body, Her curvaceous hips swung hypnotically with every elegant step her long glistening smooth legs took towards him whilst her short white dress gently lapped at her thighs like waves cresting and breaking onto a beach.

She placed her hands gently on his smooth face, “Have you been waiting for me long,” she whispered in his ear.

“All Night,” He Reassured her.

                                                                       *********

 

The Early morning sun blared through the enormous windows as Troy stood at the foot of his bed and glanced one last time at the goddess intertwined within his bed sheets,

"Baby.. turn the lights out," she murmured sleepily"

"Of course darling," 

He Opened his bedside drawers and took out his Ipad, and switched the lights off..

At command the large glass windows transitioned into a dark shade until the room was almost pitch black.

Hee then. did up the buttons of his red vest on top of his white shirt, Fastened the shining silver buckle on  his jeans, placed his shades atop his head and turned for the elevator.  He heard her Elena stirring between the pillows as he disappeared behind the sliding elevator doors without turning back.

Once on the street, A Black Rolls & Royce awaited his entry, He strode over to the driver side door, opened it and bent his back and smiled at the driver.

“Is there a problem Sir..?,” he stammered.

He lowered his shades to the bridge of his nose to make eye contact with the driver

“You’re in my seat”

The driver froze and stared back at him with a worried and puzzled look on his face, Troy smirked and clicked his fingers, not averting his piercing stare from the driver. The driver leapt out of the car and scampered around to the passenger door and hopped into the car as he fumbled to do up his seatbelt.

Troy slid into the car, Slowing turned his head to once again stare menacingly at the now passenger.

“I.. I’m so sorry sir it won’t happen again” he whimpered

Troy leaned in closer the his cowering captive, 

“Wanna know what happened to the last driver,” Troy snarled, Whilst reaching behind his back. The driver squirmed in his seat and slowly reached towards the handle; Then Troy burst into laughter and smacked the steering wheel with the palm of his hand over and over in hysterics.

“I got you!” He exclaimed.

“Yes.. Yes sir.. Very convincing,” Panted the driver as he wiped the beads of sweat from his brow. Troy relaxed back into his seat and casually flicked his Shades onto the dash .

“Please call me Troy, Sir is for old men.. No offence..,”

“Of course si- Troy,” he blurted.

"This car is new and I just wanted to drive it myself," Troy explained

They drove through the city in silence, the driver clearly somewhat uncomfortable in Troy's presence, after a little while troy slowed the car to a halt at an apartment block.

"I don't understand, This.. This is my place.. sir? " he stuttered

"I know, I have private matters to attend to, Good job today, I have your number, I'll call you when I need you next," Said Troy

The driver got out of the car door and Troy smiled at him and waved, picked his glasses off the dash and slid them onto his face and peeled back out onto the street.

He Drove slowly, Surveying all his surroundings closely as he went,  people turned their heads as he went by , In a car like this it was hard not to attract attention, and a few cars back, He noticed a familiar face.

He came to a large gate, where the armed security guard waved him through casually and he drove right in, he drove further down the driveway and came to a garage where one of the roller doors was open and he drove inside, as soon as his foot hit the ground outside the car he was greeted by some one of the employees.

"Ey! What the hell you doin' a*****e!" Shouted one of the thugs as he rushed towards the car waving his wrench angrily"

Troy said nothing; he got out of the car and as he casually strolled around to the rear of the car, he could tell he now had the undivided attention of every man in the garage, He came to the rear of the car and opened the trunk, the floor of the trunk slid to the side and he was greeted by an arsenal of weapons.

“Nice touch” He thought to himself

“Excuse me, I’m just looking for Mister Barsukov,” Troy explained

From the corner of his eyes he saw many more thugs coming towards him now, Perhaps maybe the guns were not such a bad idea after all.

“Who are you!,”

“How do you know that name!?”

“He’s a cop!”

Several comments were being shouted out around the garage by the thugs, Troy was starting to think maybe he’d bitten off more than he could chew this time. He slowly backed towards his vehicle as the approaching “Mechanics” were beginning to reveal their guns and take aim at him.

“Look fellas I think I came to the wrong chop shop I was looking for Mr. Barsukov I thought maybe he had some spare parts for my car here,” He said sarcastically

“Shoot this son of a b***h,” growled one of the men.

Troy dived behind his car as the thugs opened fire, He reached up into the wheel arch and felt around frantically, he found what he was looking for, he pressed down on a button. As he did his phone began vibrate, He withdrew it from his pocket.

“S**T!”

The phone displayed a timer, and it had 8 seconds left. He had to run for it, he ran for the door, the thugs were still firing on him, he tore down the driveway, His phone vibrated again and an ear-shattering explosion erupted behind him and a wild flame escaped through the roller door before the building began to collapse in on itself. The armed security guard from earlier was lying unconscious besides the gateway

There was a man waiting casually on the motorbike at the gateway, Troy leapt on to the back of the bike and the rider tore off the curb and down the street, the building now a smouldering heap of debris, Neighbouring warehouse employees were peering through the fences at the spectacle with bemused looks on their faces.

“8 F*****G SECONDS?!?! ARE YOU F*****G KIDDING ME !”

The riders helmet bobbled around as he laughed hysterically within, though his laughter could not be heard over the roar of the engine.

“We have a tail, hang on,” The rider shouted

"That tail belongs to a fox" Troy shouted back

 

                           ************

Troy and his partner arrived at his estate, Atop a large range of hills outside the city known as Golden Heights, Due to the vast wealth that it required to purchase real estate here.. looking down onto the city.  The iron gates of his hilltop manor swung open as Troy spoke into the intercom and they rolled down the driveway. They parked the bike in the garage and made there way up into the house, Troy threw off his helmet and began mouthing off to his acccomplice.

"8 seconds Eric! You are a cheeky son of a b***h,"

Eric was still wildly amused by his car bomb.

"Hey i have to make sure your still razor sharp! cant have you getting sloppy out there!" He jeered.

Eric was a tall dark skinned man. with short cropped hair and a chin strap beard. Eric was Troy's Right hand man.

"So, we take down a chop shop, a big one, you wont stay a blimp on barsukov's radar for long. He will come for you, Troy." Eric warned

"The sooner he comes for me the less time i have to spend hunting him"

Troys Phone began to vibrate across the granite kitchen bench, He glanced at Eric with a puzzled look on his face, To which he was met with a blank stare and a shrug.

"Yes."

"Hello, I'm looking for a Mr. Cole, first name Troy "

"Yes."

".. Is..  Is that you.. Troy.."

"I refuse to believe you dont know the answer to that question already Scarlett"

She froze for a moment, He still had such a daunting pressence, even over the phone, She really needed to get her s**t together...

"Oh, So you remember me," She laughed

"I was calling to thank you for saturday night, but i also.. would like to ask something else of you. " She trailed off

"Is that so, and what might that be?" He asked

Troy placed the phone back down onto the kitchen bench and slid it towards Eric, He put scarlett on speaker.

"Well.. You see.. Mr. Cole i write a column for one of the cities newspapers.. And i think you are a really enteresting public figure, and your somewhat of an enigma, i was wondering if i could just have  a small interview with you.. just a few facts about yourself and your business and how you got started, where you came from"

Troy looked across at Eric, Who glared directly back at him and shook his head slowly.

"Well Scarlett, Im available today. If you can get yourself to my estate in the next 2 hours. You can have an interview. Ill text you through the adress right now." He stated

"Oh- Really!? Thank you so much Mr Cole ill be there as soon as a i can!" she stammered

He hung up the phone, and looked up to see Eric looking at him with his hands held out by his side, mouth half open and head tilted slightly, Evidently he did not approve of Troys upcoming interview.

Troy looked back at him sternly and raised his hand and pointed at him

"8 seconds," He snarled

"Come on man are you gonna be a little b***h about a car bomb right now and just make stupid calls because your mad,'' He pleaded

"Eric, Everything i do is thought out, planned. and for a good reason, you know this," He urged.

"Fine. Who is she?" Snorted Eric.

Scarlett came to the Iron Gates, "Cole" In gold plated cursive writing stood out.

"Well, He gave me a real address, Thats a plus," She thought to herself.

She reached out the window of her Coupe' Convertable and buzzed the intercom, She was not met with a response, But the gates opened before her and so she continued down the driveway. And The previous time she had spent was anything to go buy, then she shouldnt have been at all suprised by the grandure of the mansion, But it was really something.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Mitchell Dean]

The best writing of dialogue always sticks its landing when you don't need to state who said what. It just flows like a real conversation. I think you have done that very well here. Great job.

On top of that, your imagery is very effective, every word feels equal parts intentional and poetic.

[Saraswati]

This gave a vibe of James bond series..more tyan the story what amazed me is the framing 9f sentences..

[Savage Saucer]

What type of feedback would you like, proofreading, a review, what you should add? The story sounds very interesting and poetic, especially this line: "Where Drug dealer and murderer alike came to quench there many thirsts, be it for violence or liquor." I love it. You have very good use of imagery and I could imagine what Troy would look like in real life. The ending seems a little rushed, but that's normal for a semi long piece of writing. Have you read the Percy Jackson series? You should write a story a similar way with a whole different genre and the story goes back and forth in the main perspective of a drug lord/criminal and the hero trying to catch him/her. I don't think anyone has done it before and it would be amazing!