my heart motel

My heart is a small, shady motel, the pink of my lips blink against my white vacant smile. vacant, vacant.

I can hear all their love-struck conversations tripping over their naked, nervous laughter against the room, the lonely elderly man fixing his eye glasses with his miniature screwdriver fumbling in the poor light, a young family; stressed, iron-on smiles, with three children dragging against their legs, seated upon their feet, pulling, pulling them as they try to think.

I see 9 different, similarly dressed people speaking in a row of porch lights, of parallel motel beds, swearing they'd really like to make it here more often.

My love sold out for the right price. And I sit with strangers. 

Reviews

[James William Dyer]

I would change the word VACANT to VACANCY. "tripping over their naked nervouse laughter", the word "their" is redundant and could be eliminated. "fumbling in poor light" sounds better than "the poor light". "Ironing board smiles" maybe? I love the underlying themes and imagery invoked here, my suggestion would be to nip and tuck away some of the "the's" and "and's", and the third stanza sounded a little clumsy. Once polished, though, this could be a beautiful piece of work.