The Protege

A Collaboration with Tania Leigh

The final flicker of light from the candle
is reminiscent of the spark in your eye
that I study intently, as it fades to black
and by my own hand, I watch you die.

And here it is, my fate at last
brought forth 'neath that flickering flame.
My own eye looks unto the past
and tries to divine what you became.

What of me? You’d not possibly know. The
soullessness of me belies my eyes and you
were deceived by the inviting glow, an
unwitting performer in my macabre show.

My art I sought to teach you, the last
defense of an artists vanity, to see his
own lack of humanity passed to another,
you were a sacrifice to my hedonistic art.

Your strength was your weakness; your
desire to teach your art to me was an
open door and I stepped through. I do
believe the sacrifice in the end was you.

And now I fall 'neath your unwitting blade,
my body laid bare, the perfect canvas.
My soul cries out, guiding your hand.
Art is your master and your blade must obey.

You are a teacher in the perfect sense of your
sacrifice to this protégé, and the love of your
art becomes your demise as I put forth my new
skills and your life drains away. I must obey.

Oh, the wonders we have created, working
side by side. The masterpieces wrought of skin
and pain. I shudder with thought of our secret
sin and await the kiss of your final blade.

Reviews

[nokturnal]

That was incredible. So full of emotion and despair I loved the dialog between you and Tania very very creative. As I read it I could picture the whole scene playing out like it was right before my eyes. I give you two, two thumbs up a piece and kudos great job, great writing, just simply great.

[TL Boehm]

WOW. This is macabre, visceral and gave me chills where no chills should be, intensely written almost savage, but yet there is such a draw in the words. It is almost romantic....in a dark sort of way. Well done!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Great job on this you two. Thumbs up.


Great write

[Captain Goldpants]

It is a great idea writing in this way. I can see that both of you have been challenged! The masculine and feminine energy, as well as the more fictional 'master' and 'protege' dynamics are really taut in this.

My only niggling comment would be that the first verse - the candle, seems a little weak at the beginning. It is written past tense, whereas present tense, and using that fading candle as time measure throughout the poem would keep the time tension in it. I'm just bothered by 'I watch you die' at the beginning of the poem in this way.

Maybe the flickering, spluttering candle should go out at the end?

It's just an idea - don't hate me for being pedantic! I'm just speaking my mind. It is a really fascinating and strong piece of writing - and enjoyable as it is.

[Ken Simm.]

Excellent collaboration. Seamless throughout. My congratulations to both of you.

[Diana Owen Busy with Li..]

wonderful piece of work... it is very emotional.

[SM Davis]

this was a GREAT collaborative write between two of my favs here at the Cafe! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU BOTH excellence once again rears it's beautiful head here with you two! Very Well DONE!!!!

[Fran Marie]

A wonderful blending of pens in this well wriiten piece
a wonderful collaboration write you two!~WelL DonE!~Fran Marie

[Lydia Shutter]

The two of you were meant to weave words into tapestries! An outstanding collaboration! A bit of a dark subject...too dark for my personal taste...but the talent portrayed here is stunning. lydia

[Forest Green]

A nice mesh of styles and character exchange. The opening 'stanza' provides a quick strike by the viper of indifference and ought to be framed as text beneath the image of a bloodless countenance, for a thematic opening.

Sometimes it wanders a bit but that is part of the appeal of double viewpoints. It would seem there is a future in this pairing of pens.

Thanks for the submission.

Forest Green

[Chris Willits]

Much more descriptive than my poems. I liked it.