Somehow

I have two kids two different mothers, a 14 year old and a three year old. My youngest son's mom is moving to North Carolina my other kid live here in FL w/his mom.

I always wanted to be a dad
it was a dream i always had
i remember my first born's smile
how my life changed somehow
but yet i did not comprehend it all 
i just knew i was going to get thought that somehow

The marriage to his mom 
was full of sunshine and happy clouds
until one day a storm came by 
and wash all the smiles out 
and i walked away out of that 
unharmed somehow

Life turned and gave me a ride
then out of nowhere you came into my life 
i turned picked myself back up 
and we rode the love highway for a while

I remember the shock of the news
that a father i will be once more
all the feeling came back to shine
and i was ready for the new little life 
the second time around it will be different somehow

Echos of the times lived before 
but now it was different i was full of hope
my little prince now he is born 
and he made us all cry with joy
then the lightning strike and the storm 
and it made a mess of our happy home

We fell apart but knew somehow
that everything will be ok 
cause we both had been there before
without each other but being friends for a while

Without notice and in an instant the pain came back 
but this time around is a different pain somehow 
I feel it tugging at me bring me down 
pulling me apart and ripping my insides out
at first i knew it was you leaving 
knowing the reason made it easier to understand 
but now I see how my life will totally change 

I will get through this pain 
nothing can mend a broken heart 
the scar tissue will always remind 
but i'm loosing part of my heart somehow

I never realize it from the start 
that now i will just be a half a man 
cause even though technology will bring you close
i can not hug you through a f*****g telephone
or touch your skin through a computer screen 
how can i breath again?

is like trying to live with half a heart
but i know that somehow i will 
cause i have to make it through the rain 
and see my two sons getting big 

I will be a Daddy that never changes
no matter the distance or the changes 
I will always be here to help them 
to guide them and to protect them 
my life crazy as it may seem 
i understand that this is a good thing
but yet again i can not stop this pain 
from bringing my tears to flow again

Somehow 
i will make it through 
I'm left with so many doubts 
but somehow 
I will smile just like a clown
outside showing joy 
but inside the world caving in
somehow
I will be smiling like a clown 
outside showing joy 
but all the while
dead inside out.

Somehow...

***Johnny A. Rojas***
July 6, 2010

Author's Note

Just emotions from the heart not trying to fall into any structure

Reviews

[Yuppitsme]

John,
What emotion that pours out from your poetry...
From the joys of being a father,
to the torment of losing your love,
to the uncertainty of being a "far-away" dad.

It's unfortunate how many men are in your position...not being close enough to hug their own children...even after the pain is gone of being far away from his mother:

"i can not hug you through a f*****g telephone
or touch your skin through a computer screen
how can i breath again?"

you still have the inability to hug your son.

Please understand that this makes you MORE than a man. It makes you a DAD.
God bless you, young man....you seem like a wonderful father to your boys.