The truth about the world and its creation

This is a real recollection to how the world as we know it was formed

The Lizard of the United States of America?

Everyone gather around as I expose the evil that is Barack Obama. Now before you crucify me  let me explain. First, we need to look at the facts. Barack Obama in 2012 had a dinosaur named after him called  the Obamadon. The Obamadon has a very interesting story that goes along with it. The Obamadon might not have been the most intelligent, reasonable or likable dinosaur and had no good qualities. It was said that the Obamadon originated from the HELL Creek formation near Montana and Illinois. Guess where Obama is from Chicago. Guess where Chicago is? Illinois, coincidence I think not. While many of you will still not believe me 4% of Americans do and seven percent are not sure if Obama is an evil reptilian overlord or not. This may not sound like a lot but when you realize there are over 315 million people in the United states 4 percent is a big deal. Now I am here to tell you how the lizard people will try and take over the world. The war of lizard people versus  real people will start in America. This will be the second civil war and this time we will win. The lizard people will strike here first because America has the best chance of beating the lizards. It is a known fact that Americans are the largest gun owners in the world. So Barack Hussein Obama is trying to pass all of the gun laws to disarm us. This is just one example where Obama’s strange behavior reflects the interest of the lizard people. Another example of this is Barack Obama’s birth certificate. Think about it. The reason he won't show his birth certificate is because he is a lizard from underground. Last time I checked lizards don’t have birth certificates.There are underground facilities around the world that incubate the future generations of lizard people and then release them to infiltrate America. These new lizards will use any means possible to get into America. The lizards mainly come in from  the united states and Mexican border. The other thing about the lizards from Mexico is that when they come here they use up real people resources and that in turn makes everything more expensive for the nonreptilian people. Why else would Barack Obama remove so many laws put in place to stop illegal immigration? George W Bush knew about the evil lizard people coming over. He had a law in place that allowed you to shoot the evil lizards with special guns that fired bean bags. The lizards from Mexico, however, are not our number one concern right now. The lizard people have also infiltrated the city of Detroit. This particular scenario is quite interesting. For the lizard people in Detroit fight amongst each other. Have you ever heard of the Crips and Bloods? Well, there all lizard people. This shows us that  lizard people have weaknesses. The species of lizard people in Detroit are weak against poverty, responsibility, and bullets.

    So now that we know how to exploit the weaknesses of the lizardz we need to know how to identify them. It is easiest to identify a lizard person when they are on tv. The reason why is that  the tv cameras pick up some features that you and I would usually not be able to notice. So if you see a suspected lizard person on tv look down where the channel shows the person's name and if you see a capital D by their name then they are in fact an evil lizard. Now I am  not sure what the capital D stands for but, I'm pretty sure it stands for Demon. So if you see someone on tv and they have a capital R by their name that means that they are not a lizard. The capital R stands for Really good guy.

    You are all probably wondering how I know so much about the lizard people. All of my knowledge about the lizard people comes from tv and this guy who lives down the road from me in a refrigerator box. He gave me this special hat made from aluminum that stops the lizards from stealing your brainwaves. He also told me how the Obamadon survived when all of the other dinosaurs got wiped out. He told me that the Obamadon knew about the asteroid coming. He had a plan to save himself and the other dinosaurs. So he stood in front of every dinosaur in the world and told them that they were going to be wiped out by an asteroid if they did not listen to him. So the dinosaurs listened to what he had to say. The Obamadon introduced his flawed health care program which at the time was known as the “Don’t Get Wiped out by an Asteroid Care.” We know this today as the infamous Obamacare. So the Obamadon started walking down to his bunker where his wife and children were already hidden in. Then the Obamadon turns around to inform the following dinosaurs that his wife has a really dumb and meaningless rule about junk food. The Obamadon says that as long as you were in his bunker you could not have a chocolate bar for lunch or a large soda. So all of the dinosaurs agreed that they would take their chances with the asteroid. One really smart dinosaur named the JaredAsaurus  brought up the point that the Obamadon’s wife was not his mom so she did not have the right to tell them what they can and can’t eat. The Jared Asaurus also said that he would throw a big fit if the Obamadon’s wife ever went after Doritos The dinosaurs all agreed with him and went to complain. Before they got their chance to complain they  were wiped out by an asteroid. Then as the earth changed through a really long time so did the Obamadon and his familyFrom that day on lunch time was ruined forever. As generations passed by the Obamadon became a better liar and the female Obamadons became bigger control freaks. The population Obamadons or in today's terms are known as lizard people began to grow.  

The Obamadons stayed dormant underground for a long time. They were awoken in 1960. The event that woke the up was when the Americans dropped the F-bomb on Japan. This brought the lizard people out of hibernation and they moved to the surface. Think about it that's when the hippies showed up and-and made everything not cool. 

     Now we fast forward to 2007. The lizard people began to complain about the economy and living conditions of the United States of Underground AKA China. So the president of the lizard people told a plan of change. He planned to promise the humans change which is all they would have left when the Obamerdon came to power. Everyone liked this plan so they sent him up to run for president of the United States of America. He only had one problem he was going to have to run against someone. He ended up having to run against John Mccain. Obama was worried because John Mccain was way smarter than him. So Obama went back underground and asked  all of the lizard people what 2+2 is. Then he grabbed the one lizard woman who said five. Obama told her that her name was to be Sarah Palin. He also told her that she would be running for vice president of the United States of America. So as it is known Sarah Palin sabotaged John Mccain's campaign simply by opening her mouth. Everyone knew that Sarah Palin was stupid and shouldn't be in charge of anything more important than an igloo so they did a best of the worst decision and voted for Obama. So Obama abused his ill-gotten power by making it easier when the lizards take over. That is why Obama shrunk the military down to  laughable sizes. He also had a government spending plan put into action to give back to scary cities to make them less scary. The problem is that everyone is still afraid of getting shot in Detroit. The worse part is that this government spending plan had Obama dispensing more money than all other presidents combined times 2. So the burden of this was put in the national debt and the national debt on the tax payers of AMerica. Now these Americans have less money to  spend on guns to  protect themselves from the lizard people. That wasn't enough for Obama he wanted more so he ran again in 2012 with  some even dumber ideas.

    In 2012 he beat Mitt Romney by replacing the people who count the mail-in votes with lizard people. He then had them throw out all of the ballots for Mitt Romney securing him a second victory. This time around he started using computers to spy on the  humans to make sure everyone was in line. He also reincorporated the don't get wiped out  by an Asteroid care  and called it Obamacare. Wow, isnt that creative? This bill made it so the  taxpayers would have to pay for all of the poor and lazy lizard people securing their health and further depleting the paychecks of  taxpayers who actually go to work. While Obama has put a pretty big dent on America he has not completely destroyed it next. That job will fall on the next president who will either completely destroy America or, we get a president who can undo all of Barack Obamas “really good ideas”. Even if we get the very best president it might not be enough to completely stop the lizard people. The lizard people will only be set back.  The lizard people all assemble once a year at the most evil place in the world. WoodStock, the lizard people hideout. The lizard people use the dirt and pot to mask their terrible odors.

    So then I thanked the homeless man who my mom always tells me not to talk to. Then he informed me he was selling his special hats that blocked the government from stealing your thoughts. He was selling them for fifty bucks each so I did what any good American would do and I took advantage of a homeless person. I walked away that day with my twenty aluminum foil hats that I got for really cheap. Man that homeless guy was a sucker. 

     So now today in my life I am still preparing for the lizard people and I will be there on the frontlines of this war. Just remember the biggest weaknesses of the lizard people are the first amendment and bullets.The lizard people are everywhere. The lizard people control more than just politics. They are also in the ranks of PETA. PETA is around to protect animals and last time I checked lizards are animals. Coincidence I think not! When the bible says beware the man with the forked tongue I’m pretty sure this is what they were talking about.

Author's Note

I wrote this story two years ago and recently found it and was very entertained. This is the original unrevised version from when I was 14 years old with all of my grammatical errors.

Reviews

[Sapientiam]

When you say lizard people, are you just saying that metaphorically or are these people legit "lizards"? I have heard of the theory that some famous people are actually some type of lizard mutants, which I saw some videos where their eyes would shift to look like a lizard's. I may just be taking this too literally, but I was a bit confused on that. Overall, this is pretty interesting. I'm not a huge fan of politics, but Obama is not exactly my favorite president... No disrespect from me, though. Anyways, nice work!