Bernie

 

On Saturday night, I was just doing my regular routine of Bedazzling all my clothing while watching Telemundo. Out of nowhere, there was a knock at the door. Now it was about 12:30AM, so I'm not expecting anyone and the weekly midnight potluck was not scheduled until Tuesday. I went to the door and before opening it, I asked who it was. "Bernard", he says.

 

Who the f**k is Bernard? My curiosity got the best of me, and well, he had a friendly voice, so I opened the door. Low and behold, its the f*****g Grim Reaper! He had his cloak and scythe and everything! I just had to know now why he was here.

 

"Mr. Reaper, first of all, whats with calling yourself Bernard?", I asked.

 

"That is my name. What! You thought my name was actually, 'Grim Reaper'? I mean come on now, babe!"

 

Now annoyed, I reply, "BABE? Im not your babe! I just thought that you calling yourself Bernard through the door was a tad misleading is all. Don't call me babe again, or Ill kick your a*s."

 

"Damn lady! Chill out!", he said.

 

"Alright, next question then. What are you doing at my house? I mean, I understand what you do for a living, but is it really my time?"

 

"Oh, s**t! I'm sorry! Yeah, I guess you would be thinking I was here for that, but I just wondered if I could use your bathroom. I was in the neighborhood, doing my rounds and totally denied nature's call, and now I just have to 'go', if you know what I mean. Your light was on, so...."

 

Totally stunned, I replied, "Sure, no problem. It's down the hall to your left."

 

"Thanks.Hey do you observe any rules, you know, like when its yellow let it mellow but when its brown....."

 

"NO! Just flush the f*****g toilet when your done, man!"

 

He did his other "business" and went on his way, but not until I kicked his a*s at Scrabble a couple of times and Bedazzled his cloak.

 

Apparently, he is going to try and start a MySpace profile soon, so we will be able to keep in touch.