Losing My S**t

Nothing quite gets under my skin like when I have misplaced something and cannot find it anywhere. I'm the type of person who doesn't really lose anything. I remember where I put things and have a general understanding and organization of life around me.

Being in limbo and living out of suitcases for a few days doesn't help with knowing exactly where everything is right now, especially because I didn't pack like I normally do. Ordinarily, I pre-plan how I will be packing and take my time and organize everything. For example, when I left for Korea, I spent weeks with suitcases on the floor in the dining room of the apartment, sorting through what I needed to bring and how heavy each suitcase would be.

As I have been learning to live life a bit more fully in my last couple of months here, I didn't take the time to pack well. I knew I wasn't moving far (just one floor up for a few days). Also, I didn't have that much to pack. I think when all is said and done I will have two checked bags, a carry-on and a backpack (at least that's my hope). So I knew it wouldn't take me all that long to pack up my apartment. I gave myself a day to do so. And I was right, it didn't take all that long.

However, I have had a difficult time remembering where I have put things because I packed so quickly. So over and over again in the past 24 hours or so, I have been scrounging around looking for things. Now, mostly I have been able to find things quickly and move on but it still has felt chaotic.

Until about 30 minutes ago. I have this little pouch with elephants on it that a dear friend gave to me when she traveled to Taiwan. I had put the earrings I have been wearing more frequently in it and the earrings that are more special to me. Then I can still wear earrings in the next few days and keep them close because they are special to me.

I don't usually buy many things, but I have a rather large collection of earrings. I have had earrings since I was five years old and in general, I have kept many of them over the years. Also, they are really easy to transport and they are fun for me. It's a little creative outlet for my physical appearance. That being said, I have bought multiple sets of really cool earrings in Korea and have been given several. I bought a pair while I was in Nami Island traveling with some good friends. The earrings remind me of the adventure and they look kind of like cherry blossoms and are handmade. My Korean mom had this beautiful pair she got in Mexico. Every time she wore them, I commented on how wonderful they were and then she ended up giving them to me! She's truly one of the most wonderful people I think I have ever met.

So, I have been looking for this pouch off and on since I moved into to my temporary residence but I figured it would turn up. But, about 40 minutes ago I started actually looking. I tore through every bag I have each like three times. I started texting my friends to see if they could help me because maybe I had left it in my apartment somehow. I started panicking. I started pacing. I had to keep telling myself to breathe because I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I was definitely going to start crying. I know rationally they are just earrings, but there's a lot of sentimental value there. (I only mentioned two stories, there are many more pairs of earrings in this bag than that). I knew I was about to lose my s**t.

I sat down and decided to work on something I could control. As I did so, my mind went to other things. And then, in the yarn bag beside the bed, I realized for some reason I might have put the pouch there. I did. It didn't seem like a place I would put them. It didn't make any sense at all for me to do so but somehow in the chaos of moving that's where they ended up. And now I feel really silly because I almost lost my s**t over...welll, losing my s**t.

It's understandable because I'm already emotional with the big move ahead and saying goodbye. These earrings were going to be a representation of my time in Korea and a physical reminder of some great times I have had here so it would have been devastating for me to have lost them. But, nothing in life is permanent and I have to learn that being sentimental is good and all but not to the extent of losing my s**t. So now instead of taking a nap as I had planned, I stressed myself the hell out and need a drink. Luckily it's Friday and my friends are almost done with work so I can go drink and let off some steam.

There's no moral to the story. I just felt that maybe it was relatable and maybe I wasn't alone in losing my s**t over something seemingly insignificant. Please tell me I'm not alone in this. I would love to hear your stories. And probably an hour or so from now, I'll be able to laugh at myself for being so dramatic.