(Artistic) Oppression

Sleeping on the edge of your mind;
a bed cloud, floating in twilight
Passing cars and all night bars
with a low hum of comfortable silence

A tree nearly snags your dreams;
a twig and a thorn in your side
Pinching imagination and relaxation
with dry tones of advanced machinery

There lie your vulnerabilities

Out there, among the rubbish;
a drum beat leading your heart
Mimicking melodies and reveries
with high bells of alarming ignorance

Reviews

[Robert Luna]

Hmmm. I liked this made me think of a person thinking to themselves trying to find their muse of creativity or to go to sleep and not being able to shout down their head. I know both of those feelings but the sleep thing I deal with nightly. So this speaks to me on a very deep and personal level to the point I felt I could have been your muse for this piece. Writing the words in my head. I always love how you are able to paint an image so clear that it leaps from the page.


Great Job!!!!!!

[An Ordinary Woman]

Goosebumps!!

You gave me goosebumps! Every single line is fabulous but as a whole, it knocks my socks off. There are so many 'pearls' in this, such as ..."Sleeping on the edge of your mind" and "A tree nearly snags your dreams; a twig and a thorn in your side" these are magnificent but when I read "There lies your vulnerabilities" just standing out in the open by itself I was covered in goosebumps... Lovely writing, Lady. Lovely!!

[Blackbirdsong]

Jenny I know I say this a lot, but this is really one of your best. There are just some truly gorgeous, exquisite things in this. The first stanza alone is a complete and perfect poem to me...if I wasn't so fuzzy headed with anemia today I'd do a better review...okay I'll be back when I feel better, love this :)

[Ed Rector]

i enjoyed the rhyme scheme... i also enjoyed the starting 2 line in the 2nd stanza... good metaphores... well done.

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Wonderful write, Jenny. I really enjoyed this one. Going in my favorites.


Great Write.

[E. M. Murren]

This is a work I need to meditate on for a bit. There is a depth of meaning here beyond the obvious. This is really well written. A delicacy of verbage leading to a powerful metaphor. Well done.

[Shelly Wiseberg]

Here here, well said,great description you do have a gift with words, Shell

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

bed cloud floating in twilight .. love those five words.. such an image.
I feel feeling of having dreams snagged at times..
Jenny this is wonderful writing .

Chloe
xoxo