Chapter one

 

Chapter 1

 

I pulled in to the drive way and cut the engine, glancing warily up at the dull, angular house my family lived in. I could see most of the inside from this position; modern styling seemed to involve a lot of glass, and I searched for any flickers of life. Usually I hated the fact that anyone could see in, but it did have its advantages when checking if you’re parents were home. I sighed, and after another quick glance, stumbled out of my car, shutting the door behind me. I was careful not to shut it too hard. When it came to my rusting Audi I’d learnt that the gentler you did things, the less parts would fall off. Oh, and not to ever go over 30 unless you had a handy pickup truck round the corner. I fumbled around in my charity-shop handbag for the keys and let myself into the house, shutting the door quietly behind me. The lights were all on but that didn’t mean anything in my house, neither did the fact that it was almost midnight. I dropped my bags loudly in the wood-panelled hallway and waited for any reaction. None came and I relaxed. That meant my parents were outor asleep, either way I breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn’t have to deal with their nonsense tonight. Flicking my muddy shoes off I went into the kitchen and poured myself some orange juice from the fridge making a mental note to buy some more food. A month ago I wouldn’t have noticed, but after a week of the fridge getting barer and barer I’d decided to ask mum about it…I started doing the shopping myself after that. I sighed again and glanced down at my Tesco-value orange juice, swirling the cup around absentmindedly. I’d been sighing a lot recently.

            “Meh.” I mumbled to myself and downed my orange juice, crossing over to the sink where I rinsed my glass and filled it with cold water. Sipping at it, I walked round the house turning off all the lights, then, grabbing my pot of paracetamol, I made my way up stairs to my room where I placed it carefully on my bedside table. My room was a tip, but I didn’t care. Not tonight. I was too tired. I’d tidy it tomorrow. The verdict was much the same with my reflection; my make up remover was around here somewhere but it wasn’t in eyesight so it wasn’t used. I splashed my face with cold water and rubbed most of my eye shadow off with my fingers but that was as good as it was gonna get tonight. Sticking my tongue out at my reflection I turned the light off in my bathroom and changed in to the old baggy shorts and top that I wore to bed. My clothes went on the floor; procrastination was definitely my prerogative tonight. A familiar faint buzzing in my ears told me it was definitely time to get into bed and I sighed with relief when after a few minutes vertical the buzzing lessened and eased into the well-known flickering images that I knew would eventually become my dreams.

 

 

 

            I woke to the sensation of having been hit by a large, brightly painted truck and grimaced as a familiar pounding started up around my temples. Scrunching my eyes up against the pain, I fumbled around my bedside table, silencing my alarm and grabbing my paracetamol and water. I braced myself and turned slowly over onto my side to take my pills, before rolling on to my back so I was facing the ceiling. I lay there motionless till I felt the pain ease, then sighed, got gingerly out of bed and began dressing for school. I usually dressed according to my mood, but seeing as the school demanded blue and grey, I expressed my self through my hair. My dark blonde hair could be pretty if styled right, but this week it had lain lank and loose at my shoulders, or pulled back in a sloppy ponytail. I pulled at my side-fringe and frowned, thinking over the past fortnight. I’d had these head aches for over a week now; they’d started as once every few days, but judging by the previous three mornings they were soon becoming an every day occurrence. I winced and rubbed my temples as I headed down stairs. I knew I should probably get it checked out, I was sure this amount of pain was not normal, but that would probably require an adult present. I’d learnt pretty sharpish that any situations in which a choice between my parents was necessary, even as insignificant as this, were definitely to be avoided at all costs. As I entered the kitchen I recognised my father’s presence at the table and smiled at him, noting his hunched posture and unshaven beard. My smile almost faltered when he looked up; I could see the agony in his green eyes and I looked away quickly, pretending to look for some cereal.

            “Have you had breakfast?” I asked him, working hard to make my voice light and cheerful, whilst pulling bowls and mugs from the cupboard. I’d just started filling my bowl with Cheerios when I realised I’d got no answer. I turned around to source the reason and noted with horror the tears in my Dad’s eyes.

“Oh Dad…” I said softly, not sure of what to say. This was what I feared from my parents. Not the fighting; I could deal with that, but the never ending need for comfort. I was a sympathetic person by nature and usually had no trouble consoling people. But this was my parents. What was I supposed to say? “There, there Dad, I’m sure Mum loves you really…” Whatever I said just ended up sounding empty because I had no idea what I was talking about. The pause lengthened and I panicked in the knowledge that I was probably expected to say something.

“Dad, just talk to her. I’m sure you can work this all out.”

My dad looked up at me with those dead, agonized eyes and it was like I could feel his pain washing over me, it took all my strength to stop myself from wincing.

            “If only it were that simple Sarah.” His tone reflected his expression, there was no emotion in it, totally dead pan, but I could sense the underlying pain as clearly as if he’d shouted it. “But thanks for your support honey.” He glanced wearily at the clock. “Now you better go or you’ll be late to school.”

I looked up at the clock too and silently disagreed, but I knew my Dad just wanted to be alone and I wasn’t going to argue with such a ready made escape route. I grabbed my bowl of cereal and gave Dad a quick kiss on his prickly check.

            “Ok, Dad. I’ll see you later then.” I bustled my way to the front door as I spoke, intent on a quick escape, “Oh, and by the way, I’m going to Tesco on the way home, do you want anything in particular?”

But he was already far gone, lost in his own thoughts. I bit my lip, hovering in the doorway; I really shouldn’t leave him in this state. Then shook my head and went out the front door, stopping to grab a twenty from the jar on the corner table and shutting the door quietly behind me. It was cold outside, cold and bright, with a uniform grey sky and no sun to speak of. I hugged my compulsory grey jumper tight around me and hurried to my car, turning on the heater as soon as I got in and breathing a sigh of relief that I was out the house. Now I could finally relax and eat my breakfast. As I scooped the first spoonful into my mouth I realised several things. Firstly, that it was severely worrying that I had taken to eating breakfast in my car, secondly that I’d forgotten to put milk in my cereal, and thirdly, that things were bad enough that I was in no way even slightly tempted to venture back into the house to get some. I sighed, again, and reached out the window to pour my cereal into a nearby bush before starting my car and pulling out of the driveway.

            My thoughts followed much the same trajectory on the short journey to college and I was frowning as I parked carefully in front of the school building. I turned the engine off and sat back against my seat, enjoying the silence. I was early as usual and had no work left to do; lack of social life and an unwillingness to go home left a lot of time for studying, so I closed my eyes and just sat there, refusing to think of anything at all, my mind determinedly blank as I tried to let go of all my stress. Breathing in, breathing out, breathing in, breathing out…the irritating faint buzzing returned and I frowned, trying to tune it out, but it was like every other annoying noise; once your ears have picked it out it’s almost impossible to ignore, so, after a few minutes futilely trying to ignore it, I gave up on a blank mind. I tried, instead, to concentrate on it, struggling to work out where it was coming from and what it was, but it was frustratingly evasive. It was like music that you can just about hear but is so faint you can’t recognise it, and it was just as frustrating. I tried to tune into it, to listen to it, but it was impossible, like trying to listen to just one instrument in a band or just one voice in a crowd of people. I was just about to give up when I heard a word in the buzz, a name, a slightly anxious questioning tone. I listened harder, scrunching my forehead in frustration.

            “Sarah?”

A voice interrupted my concentration and I opened my eyes to the slightly anxious face of Kate Richardson; freckled and framed with tawny brown hair that swung across her face as she bent down to peer through my window. She was my closest friend and the only one who knew what I was going through, our parents were great pals and my mum often stayed at Kate’s when home got too much for her. I blinked, startled and winced at the twinge of a headache I could feel coming on. Kate eyed me worriedly and I could sense her anxiety. I thought back and realised I must have looked fairly odd.

            “Sarah, are you OK?”

I glanced up at her and laughed once at her apprehensive expression.

            “Yeah…yeah I’m fine. Got a bit of a head ache that’s all.” I told her as I climbed out of my car, closing and locking the door behind me. I swung my bag over my shoulder and linked arms with her as we walked toward the main building for Biology. I noticed Kate was rummaging around in her bag for something and laughed as she pulled out some paracetamol with a knowing smile on her face.

            “Drugs?” She offered, I grinned at her and took two, taking them dry. They tasted disgusting as they slid down my throat but I didn’t care, I could feel the throbbing now, I wouldn’t care if they had been pure fish guts.

            “Thank you Kate,” I breathed as we entered the class room, “You have no idea how much I love you right now.”

She grinned back fleetingly and hurried to take her seat, Biology was one of the few classes where the teacher was power hungry enough to assign a seating plan and, due to mine and Kate’s advanced state of social hermitism, it wasn’t our favourite subject. It’s not like I didn’t like my lab partner; Mark Graphy was funny and never uncivil towards me, but I would just prefer to sit next to someone who wasn’t going to bad mouth me to his pre-madonna girlfriend behind my back.

            “Hey Sarah,” He greeted me as I sat down, flicking his blonde tipped brown hair in a gesture that never ceased to annoy me. He watched me with dull grey eyes as I settled myself awquadly in the chair next to him and began rearranging my books. His tone was light and teasing, but it had a slight patronising underlay that made me feel like he was laughing at me rather than with me.

            “Hey.” I was cautious; I always felt I had to watch myself around Mark. It was like he was constantly laughing at me, laughing at the fact that I thought he was my friend…then again maybe I was just paranoid. Thankfully, Mr. Brynes took that moment to shout for silence so the need for conversation ceased and I was able to relax and enjoy the tedium of yet another lecture about the wonders of DNA helixes. I thought over the rest of my day, English would be a doss; we were working on our essays which I’d completed the night before to keep me out of the house. Evening was always the worst time to be home, my Mum came home from work and heated arguments soon ensued between her and my dad until one of them (usually my mum) would get so pissed off that they’d storm out the house and stay at a friends for the night. I avoided such conflicts as much as possible as my presence often made things worse. I was like an excuse, a weapon and an annoyance all wrapped into one. So I stayed out of the way for the most part and dealt with both of them one at a time. I used to think that I could act as a courier between them, find out what was wrong and help work it out, but it soon became apparent that, as much as they were willing to include me in their arguments, I was not to be “involved”. For my own benefit of course. A nudge on my elbow brought me back to reality and I glanced sideways to find Mark looking at me with that teasing, slightly patronizing expression that made me feel like I’d just done something especially foolish.

            “Hello? Earth to Sarah Johnson, come in Sarah.”

I smiled politely at him and looked at the board; apparently we were supposed to be answering the questions in pairs. I inwardly groaned but worked through the questions with a polite demeanour until the bell rang and I was free to pack up and leave the room.

            “See you tomorrow partner!” Mark drawled in a bad American accent grabbing my hand in a mock handshake and smiling that “Laughing-at-me-not-with-me” smile. I gave him a small smile, retracting my hand as if to keep from dropping my books and replied in a quiet voice,

            “See you tomorrow, Mark.”

Then I hurried out the room, embarrassment flushing my cheeks even before I’d got out the door, even before I’d heard him laughing.

            Kate was waiting for me outside the classroom; she took in the colour I’d turned and the laughter from the classroom and joined me in hurrying to English without saying a word. We always sat together in English so we were both a little taken aback when we walked in to find that there was only one seat left. I glanced around the classroom, noting that there had never been a problem with seating before today, so that must mean we had an extra class member. I soon routed him out. He was sitting next to Jessica; Mark’s girlfriend and definitely not my favourite person, and was looking around the classroom with a bored and slightly amused expression. He was attractive, I guess, with tousled brown hair and bright blue eyes that were glazed as they trailed the cracks in the walls. I looked at Kate with raised eyebrows expecting her to have reached the same conclusion and was slightly disappointed to find her completely unaware of our new addition, looking down the corridor for our teacher. I was surprised she hadn’t noticed. Jessica certainly had; she was twirling her hair like there was no tomorrow and talking animatedly to him, not seeming to care about his lack of attention and certainly not seeming to remember a faithful Mark only a classroom or two away.

Careful mate, she’s taken. I thought dryly in the new boy’s direction. His eyes flicked round to mine as if I’d called his name and I dropped my eyes quickly, feeling a blush spread over my cheeks as I turned back to Kate and quickly engaged her in conversation.

            “Where shall we sit?” I asked her, not caring about her answer and surreptitiously glancing back at the new boy who was still looking at me with an interested expression. Kate shrugged and looked around for Mr. Ralmen who entered a moment later and took in our slightly awkward position, standing in the middle of the classroom, with a bemused expression.

            “Well, sit down girls. I haven’t got all day.” He waved vaguely towards the rows of seating and settled his rather large girth into his office chair, looking up when he detected no sign of movement and frowning at us with faint irritation.

            “Sir, there aren’t enough seats.” I pointed out uncomfortably, all too aware of the burning eyes of my class mates and the new boy. I hitched my bag higher up my shoulder and straightened my posture, when you don’t feel comfortable, act it, a motto I live by whenever I can, fighting the temptation to turn around and check if he was still looking at me. Mr. Ralmen’s eyes travelled round the classroom, puzzled, and stopped on the face of the new boy. He squinted at him for a moment as if trying to decide whether he recognised him, but eventually deciding, with evident joy, that he did indeed have a new pupil. Mr. Ralmen’s face widened into a jovial smile and he walked to the front of the new boy’s desk, placing two beefy hands on the table and leaning forward excitedly.

            “Who are you then?” He asked with childish excitement and a grin that was so wide that I found it quite disturbing. My eyes flicked to the new boy to see what he made of our rather eccentric teacher but he was completely relaxed, leaning against the back of his chair in a nonchalant manner and eyeing Mr. Ralmen in what I later decided was a probing fashion.

“I’m Luke Fallhin, sir. I moved here last week from Amesbury.” His response was quick and polite and I could feel the approval rolling off Mr. Ralmen in waves.

“Amesbury eh? Amesbury, Amesbury…” Mr. Ralmen seemed to roll it around in his mind for a while, searching for something to connect with it.

“It’s near Stonehenge sir.” The new boy prompted, he…Luke, had a nice voice and a genial manner that was so sincere it was hard not to like him. I could feel a perceptible shift in atmosphere of the room, people who were only mildly curious before were now amiably interested and I half smiled as some of the girls shifted unconsciously forwards in their seats to lean towards him, he’d only said a few words! That smile vanished however when Luke’s eyes flashed to mine in what I was fairly sure was suppressed amusement, though at what I had no idea. Before I could drop my eyes he looked back at Mr. Ralmen leaving me in the uncomfortable knowledge that he probably thought I’d been staring at him. I blushed.

“Sir, I’m sorry, but I appear to have caused a seating problem.” Luke’s polite reminder seemed to break Mr. Ralmen out of his Amesbury-searching reverie and I suppressed a smile as he blinked at Luke vacantly for a moment.

“We could go and get one from Mr. Ashtin’s classroom.” I suggested, pointedly ignoring the expected flash of eyes from Luke. It was starting to annoy me a bit actually, why did he keep looking at me?

“Yes, yes good idea.” Mr. Ralmen agreed, settling himself into his chair again. “You and Kate can go. Quick as you can if you please.” I nodded and pulled Kate out the classroom and down the corridor not slowing till we were out of earshot.

“So what do you make of the new boy then?” I asked casually as we walked down another corridor to Mr. Ashtin’s classroom. Kate pursed her lips.

“He seems nice enough…” She began and I sensed a “But” on its way. “…but it was kinda weird how he kept looking at you.”

“I know!” I exclaimed, grateful she agreed that his attention on me was abnormal. “Do I look especially weird today or something?” I was being sarcastic but as we entered the empty classroom I smoothed my hair self-consciously against my scalp pulling at my fringe to straighten it and, as we returned to Mr. Ralmen, I found myself wishing I’d brought a hair clip to school. We placed the table and chair carefully next to the other empty seat making an unorthodox “three-seater-desk” at the back of the classroom and I relaxed as Mr. Ralmen started the lesson. As I’d predicted, we were working on our essays, which I carefully explained to Mr. Ralmen I’d done already. He gasped in mock surprise mumbling something about a student who actually studies, causing my previous blush to return, and told me to get on with some other work. I sighed, and put my head on the desk; I had no other work. As I started to relax I noticed the buzzing had returned, but my earlier curiosity didn’t resurface and I decided not to bother with it. I settled myself into a more comfortable position and tried to unwind, not noticing how far I’d sunk into sleep until it was too late and I’d started dreaming. It was an odd dream, and I could tell my body wasn’t far into it yet. I was still vaguely aware of the fact I was sitting on a chair, could still vaguely feel my head on my arms, but my mind was far into the dream and it was all I could hear.

Wonder if he lives near me wouldn’t that be nice. I smiled, a love story, how sweet, and then grimaced as another voice popped up, tinged with jealousy.

            Oh my god, but he’s so good-looking! Can’t believe she gets to sit next to him all lesson! A love triangle? I frowned; I’d never had a dream like this before.

            I love his eyes; they’re so…blue…

            Wonder what he’d do if I talked to him…couldn’t hurt to try…My frown deepened, who was this person they were all fixated on? Another jealousy-tinged voice, this one distinctly male, spoke.

            Luke, that’s his name…sounds like a bit of an idiot to me. The voice took on a mimicking tone. Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir. Urgh…makes me sick. Luke…I woke up, my mind snapping shut on the dream like an elastic band. Luke, I thought bitterly, in my life for 5 minutes and he was already in my dreams. I rubbed my temples; impossibly, I could feel the start of yet another headache and, resignedly, I looked up to ask Kate for some paracetamol. Instead of Kate’s eyes, my eye’s automatically locked with a pair of deep blue ones that were looking at me from across the hard-working room in a startled mixture of awe, confusion and frustration. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion at Luke’s odd expression and felt colour rush to my cheeks as he refused to look away. He seemed to be trying to communicate something, but I had no idea what and my head was getting worse, so I broke eye contact with an apologetic smile and turned back to Kate.

            “Another headache?” Kate whispered incredulously as she fished the tablets out of her bag. “You be careful Sarah, you don’t want to overdose…” I was touched by her concerned tone and as I took the pills I counted back the hours in my head, but it was fine, it had been at least 2 hours since my last two, which was probably why my headache was coming back. I looked back at Kate to thank her but her attention was caught somewhere over my left shoulder. Her eyes narrowed in confusion.

            “That Luke guy is staring at you again…” I looked before I could stop myself and met Luke’s steady gaze with raised eyebrows.

            “What?” I mouthed at him from my seat, and watched perplexed as he shook his head in what looked like disappointment and turned around. I frowned.

            “What was that all about?” Kate asked, searching my expression as if I was hiding something from her.

            “I have absolutely no idea…” I said in a mystified tone as I continued to look at the back of Luke’s head. I had half a mind to go up to the front to hand in my essay and confront him, but after a look around the full classroom I thought better of it. I saw his cheek lift in what looked like a smile and my eyes narrowed. I’d catch him as soon as the lesson ended. It was rude to stare at people. And it was rude not to answer questions. All in all, I concluded, Luke Fallhin was a very rude person and I didn’t like him one bit. Now he was definitely smiling.

            “A*s.” I muttered to my self and waited for the lesson to end.

            Finally, the bell rang and I got up quickly, determined to catch Luke before he left. But I needn’t have worried. He was sitting on the edge of his desk, politely waiting for me. He must have known that I would want an explanation for his behaviour and the fact that he was going to give me one lessened my annoyance with him slightly. He looked up as I reached him, ignoring Jessica’s elaborate goodbye and completely missing the practiced flick of her long blond waves as she strutted out the classroom. I waited until the classroom was empty, telling a confused Kate to save me a seat in Spanish and then sat on the table opposite Luke and glared at him with raised eyebrows, ignoring the way his humour-tinged blue eyes made me want to smile.

            “What?” Luke said with repressed amusement, struggling with grin that I could sense fighting to break across his face. I could still feel the awe and confusion of his earlier expression rolling off him and that subtle reminder of my earlier aggravation brought it back with full force.

            “What do you mean, “what?!”” It came out a bit sharper than I’d intended but suddenly I didn’t care, my headache hadn’t yet dissipated and Luke was being deliberately evasive. “What was with all the staring back there?” I waved vaguely to the back of the classroom and then brought that hand back to my forehead with a wince. Impossibly my headache was getting worse. It wasn’t a general ache anymore; it was more like stabs, always in the same place.

            “Headache?” Luke asked in a gentler tone but I could still sense the amusement behind the façade and also, what was that…empathy? I nodded and shut my eyes, leaning forward as the stabbing intensified and then, suddenly, stopped. Breathing a sigh of relief I opened my eyes to find Luke’s face only an inch away from mine. I stopped breathing. I should have been annoyed, this was a serious invasion of my personal space, but all I could think of at that point was how very very blue Luke’s eyes were. He gazed at me for a long moment as if trying to figure me out and then smiled an amused slow smile that made my heart judder erratically.

            “You’re a very interesting person Sarah Johnson.” He said appreciatively, straightening up and gathering his books before, with a last, lingering look at me, he sauntered out the classroom leaving me reeling with the strange encounter. Interesting? What on earth did he mean by that? And, more importantly, what the hell was up with my reaction to him. I put my hand on my chest and felt as my heartbeats returned to normal, pondering it. Luke was arrogant, frustrating, evasive and, as I’d already decided, insatiably rude. Yes, I could admit he was good-looking but there was no reason for my heart to act as if I’d just jumped off a tall building. I wasn’t attracted to him! In fact I was thoroughly pissed with him. Yes, that was the reason. My reaction was nothing other than utter fury. I nodded to my self, jumping as the bell rang and I realised that Luke, I thought his name with a fair degree of bitterness, had made me late for my next class. I cursed and rushed out of the class room and, as I hurried into Spanish, apologising profusely to Mrs. Tampson and giving a curious and suspicious Kate what I hoped was an “I’ll-tell-you-later” look, I realised with mounting irritation that Luke hadn’t actually answered my question. I also realised something else, I’d never told him my name, so how the hell did he know it?! Gritting my teeth I waited impatiently for the day to end so I could corner him and wring some answers out of him. Interesting…what the hell did he mean?!

            I didn’t see Luke for the rest of the day and I noted with undue disappointment that English was the only lesson I had with him. I was frowning as I entered the parking lot and looked around for my car, Luke had barely said two words to me and yet already I could feel the hazy central point of my life shifting towards him. I sighed, exasperated, Luke was rude, arrogant and…standing by my car. He was leaning against it casually with his arms crossed and watching with barely contained humour as I stopped in the middle of the parking lot and stared at him. Who the hell did he think he was? I thought bitterly, walking quickly across the car park and stopping a safe two meters away from those blue, blue eyes. Luke smiled at me and closed my safety distance in one step.

            “Hello again.” He greeted me in a soft and gentle tone that chipped away at my resolve and I took an unsteady step back, trying to hold onto some shreds of my resentment.

            “What are you doing here?” I said in what I hoped was an angry tone, but, judging by his smile, I suspected wasn’t. He tilted his head to the side as if deciding something and a sense of his apprehension and excitement washed over me, despite his calm demeanour. I found myself wandering what he was so excited about but quickly stopped myself, it was none of my business and I probably didn’t want to know.

            “You will though.” Luke said interrupting my thoughts and causing me to frown at him in confusion.

            “What?” I asked not entirely certain I’d heard him right, he was looking at me with an intensity that made me feel like I should be understanding something right now. Obviously I’d missed a bit of the conversation, or maybe he was just crazy. At the moment either one seemed plausible. He continued to look at me like that for a while then snapped out of it, that already familiar amused light coming back into his eyes and a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth.

            “Nothing, don’t worry. I just came over to talk to you actually. I think we may have got off on the wrong foot?” He returned to leaning on my car, the end of his sentence rising up like a question as if he was looking for confirmation on his assumption. I nodded slowly, wondering if there was actually a right one concerning me and Luke.

            “Well,” He continued, his voice sincere but with a tell-tale grin tempting the corners of his mouth. “I’ve come to apologise and ask if we can start over. I’ve been insatiably rude…” And evasive and arrogant I added in my head and watched as a small smile broke through his façade as he continued. “…and evasive and arrogant and I hope you can forgive me.” My eyebrows involuntarily shot up at his accuracy, I quickly got them under control and tilted my head on the side as if considering it.

            “And you’ll tell me why you were staring at me in English?” I asked hopefully and was only half surprised when his expression changed to one of apprehension. He grimaced and I raised my eye brows.

            “Is it that bad?” I frowned, running over all possible reasons for him staring like that that would be bad enough for him to be reluctant to recount them. I came up with nothing. He was watching me anxiously, though I have no idea why, but relaxed slightly when I looked up, still very confused.

            “Don’t worry,” He said calmly, his smile just a hint shallower than before. “It honestly doesn’t matter. So are we friends?” I looked at him cautiously; he really was quite a strange boy. I nodded slowly.

            “Friends…yes. Of course.” He grinned one of his heart stopping grins and I smiled cautiously back.

            “Great!” He exclaimed. Seeming generally enthused at the idea of having me for a friend. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?” He asked hopefully, and I nodded.

            “Sure…see ya…” I replied slowly; I was quite confused by that point and, though I thought he may be more than a little crazy, I found I quite liked the idea of having Luke for a friend, despite my earlier resentment.

He was in my thoughts all afternoon, as I shopped at Tesco’s, as I drove home, and I was smiling vaguely as I opened the front door to my house. Raised voices woke me from my stupor and I panicked, realising where I was and what time it was. I looked back through the still open front door at my car and considered making a run for it. As long as my parents hadn’t seen my car arrive I would be away before they realised I’d gone again. I started towards the front door.

“Sarah?” I winced and sighed, shutting the front door slowly on my last glimpse of freedom. “Sarah darling is that you?” My mum’s voice was coming from the kitchen and, as I picked up the shopping and made my way morosely across the hall, I noted the anger in her voice and resigned myself to a long afternoon. My dad was right where I left him, slumped even lower over the kitchen table and staring glumly into his cup of coffee, tracing the rim with a forefinger. He looked up when I entered and gave me a small smile then returned to his tracing, his boy band style long hair falling forward to form a tangled curtain in front of his face. Mum was standing apart from him, leaning against the kitchen sink, her long blonde curls tied up in a pony tail that looked like it had had hands ran through it several times and her usually pale face a few shades redder. She watched me as I entered and I could feel anger rolling off her as well as her concern for me and an underlying note of pain that was biting. She hugged me as I reached her and turned us both slightly, subtly blocking my dad from the conversation.

“Hi honey, feels like I haven’t seen you in ages. How are you?”

I hugged her back gently and then subtly extricated myself from our embrace, all too aware of my dad just a few meters away.

“I’m ok mum. I’ve just been busy.” My voice was careful but I knew I needn’t worry. My mum was never nosy, it wasn’t that she didn’t care; she just didn’t see the need to baby me. I guess I should have been grateful for that. I glanced at my dad who was watching me curiously. He’d obviously noticed my tone and was now curious about what kind of thing I wouldn’t want my mum to ask about. Damn. My dad was far too perceptive for his own good. I looked away quickly and shifted my weight to my other leg; it was way too tense in here. No one spoke and I felt a need to start a conversation. I opened my mouth but, realising I had nothing to say, shut it again and busied my self in unloading the shopping, concentrating hard on putting the right things in the right places and not on the atmosphere of the room which seemed at almost smothering point. I had just reflected that drawing attention to the fact that I was doing the shopping was probably not such a good idea when I heard my mother’s voice from behind me and realised that it was all together too late.

“She’s doing the shopping now?” Quiet, angry and definitely menacing, my mother’s voice rang across the silence of the kitchen. I saw my father shrink in his seat and felt his trepidation at the oncoming onslaught.

“I honestly don’t mind…” I quickly injected but then trailed off as I realised that it wasn’t going to make any difference.

“For god’s sake Richard! I leave you for a couple of days and you take that as an excuse to make your only daughter do the work! What the hell is wrong with you?”

I stayed frozen, crouching on the floor with one hand in the cupboard. I knew that any protestation from me would only make it worse, definitely not a good idea at the moment. My father’s voice answered and I could detect the beginnings of anger in his tone.

“I didn’t force her to do the shopping Carol, your making me out to be some sort of monster when I’ve only just found out myself-”

“Just shows how much attention you pay to her then doesn’t it!”

I winced as my mum continued to scream at my dad and busied myself in trying to shut the cupboard door as silently as possible. I needn’t have worried I guess, mum’s voice wasn’t the quietest voice in the world when she talked normally, when she shouted I probably could have set off a nuclear bomb and no one would have blinked. Ok, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration…a hand grenade perhaps. I crouched there on the floor began debating what to do next. Crouching on the floor for any extended length of time was going to be uncomfortable but standing up would draw attention to myself… Mum’s voice reached new levels of rage; I’d stay crouching. After a while she finished her rant and leant wearily on the kitchen counter. Her voice was tired and sarcastic, her frustration overwhelming as it swept over me.

“The whole reason this fight started is because I want you to get off you arse and do something, and you take that as a hint to make Sarah do the work. Brilliant Richard, just brilliant.”

She stayed there just looking at him for a moment, he had his head bowed again and looked ashamed, though he had nothing to be ashamed about. His head rose slowly.

“Carol…”

Mum pushed herself off the counter and grabbed her bag.

“I don’t want to hear it Richard.”

She never wanted to hear it; Dad was always left at the end of arguments feeling lousy and not having been able to defend himself. Then again, I wasn’t sure he would have defended himself anyway. There was a time when Dad was an upright man, never backing down on what he thought was right, winning every argument he got into. It used to be quite annoying. But not anymore, not where my mother was concerned. He still loved her. I could tell. And she still loved him, though it wasn’t so obvious with my mother. My dad was the more perceptive of the two but he was also transparent as glass, to me anyway. It made the current situation even more painful. My mum walked over to me and I fought for a moment to remember how to stand. A brief hug and a take care and then she was gone, out the front door and off to Kate’s house I assumed. I watched her drive off through the huge windows then turned to my dad. He smiled at me sadly and stood up, walking over to the kitchen units in an absentminded fashion. He looked at me, his eyes slightly dazed looking.

“Would you like some supper?”

He started rummaging around for something in the cupboards. I didn’t know what he was looking for; I don’t think he did either.

“I’ll cook supper dad. Don’t worry about it.”

He turned to me with a bag of oatmeal in one hand and some vinegar in the other. I was definitely cooking supper. He started to protest but I cut him off.

“Don’t worry about it. Go watch TV or have a lie down, I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

He just looked at me for a minute as if debating whether to press the issue. I gave him my most authoritative stare and took the strange ingredients out of his hands.

“Go.”

He stayed there a minute then relented and kissed me on the cheek.

“I love you Sarah, you know that don’t you.”

I cleared my throat, suddenly embarrassed by the worry and sincerity I heard in his words.

“Love you too Dad, now go or I’ll beat you with some oatmeal.”

He laughed and backed in to the living room with his palms outwards. I turned back to the counter smiling. Mental note: to cheer up dad, threaten him with shredded oats, not guaranteed to work every time. I laughed once and proceeded to make dinner, sausages and mash, no oatmeal involved, with a smile on my face.

 

Reviews

[deeps]

Wow! So much detail and Vivid imagery in this write.
This is amazing. I can feel love throughout this write.
I also like the part about Luke being a idiot.
This is very well written, very enjoyable read here.