Silent Prayer 1

What I think of something...

Dear Lord,

What did I get myself into?  Why did I do what I just did?

Okay, let me back up.  So she's been into this "hell" stuff for a while.  You saw how she got me sucked in early last school year.  Then, you showed me the right direction, and I walked out.  I say thanks.  Now, she somehow convinced me to come back.  I went back, and Lord, I don't know what I got myself into.

I know she's going to push me in it again.  I know I'm messing up really bad right now.  I just feel like screaming at myself, but my throat hurts so I won't.  I'm trying so hard to live in Your image; then why do I feel so horrible?

Why am I feeling so horrible?  I only joined the "clan" again just to seek vengeance.  I will take over, and I will annihilate this "clan."  I know it's all lies; then why did I go backwards?  Why the hell am I running blind again?  I just feel like I should be punished greatly by You.

I don't deserve being here right now.  I can't just up and leave again; the "King and Queen" will hurt me.  You know how much I fear getting hurt in this life, though I've been hurt many times.  You know how much I want to hurt myself.  However, thanks to You, I have many things to do, such as Chamber Choir.

Daddy, I just don't know what to do.  Send me some help for this.  Let me not be afraid to tell someone what happened.  I can't tell my mom; she'll think I'm a bad person.  I can't tell K.; she'll probably be mad at me for betrayal.  And I can't tell my boyfriend; he'll probably hate me just for being associated with her again.

Show me what to do this time.  I can't do the same thing I did last time; there must be another way.  With You around, there's always a way.

With love,

Jessibel, Your Daughter

Author's Note

I know this is a prayer that I decided to publish online. Just give me advice if you can. Thanks.