Sequence

everything fits together, in the end?

A flash of darkness, bursting with fragmented mystery and rays of intrigue. The beams of black struck out against a pane of white, an endless pure sheet of unconsciousness and anonymity. They were sharp, caustic over the snowy blanket of thoughtlessness. They faded a little, withered a bit, fraying at their edges and filtering back into the white.

Then they erupted. Consumed my world, the expanse of my vision fusing with the darkness in an instant. It happened so quickly my eyes could not even process the transition.

Slowly, the center of my sight caught a light. Circular, soft, and growing. Yet before it became too large I was flung into it, headfirst, feeling I would fall out into a void of space or hit some black hole. It would hurt. It would be my ending.

Yet when the feeling of falling ceased, I found myself standing. It was very still. The beams of the darkness ebbed at the edge of my vision, reaching into what I could see, filtering out again, like robotic arms of warning--reminders that this was not real, that this was not permanent or timeless. At any moment I could be pulled back to the black, and back into white, and further back until I was returned to a semi-lucid awakening.

My eyes attempted feebly to focus. The image before me was fuzzy, marred by the writhing arms of darkness. I squinted. Someone standing a few feet from me. And a line on the ground, or a snake, moving like molasses. And then focus came in, just for a moment, a beautiful and powerful moment in which my heart inexplicably began beating rapidly.

We were standing on a beach. The moving line explained itself quickly, the ocean, the waves, coming in and moving out. A sort of shadow cast itself over everything, as though I was looking through a wire-screened window. There was a young man standing before me. The ocean met his feet as it danced back and forth on the shore. Everything was near colorless. The water a turbid gray, the sands dusky, the sky seemed almost polluted it was such a foul shade of gloom.

I could not quite focus on his face. His body was hooded in darkness. A thrush of dark and curly hair being blown about by the ocean wind brushed across his bespectacled eyes. I could see he was smiling. As he turned his shadowed face towards me, a camera was lowered to his chest. He spoke my name. His smile widened. I must have looked confused because he then said, "I was looking for you."

Those are the words that came out of his mouth. But at the sound of his voice, as it breached my ears, my heart began again to thump wildly. I felt I had fallen to my knees, though my body remained just as still. Perhaps it was my soul, falling, collapsing under the pressure, because at his words, my heart heard, "I love you." My heart felt, "I love you." It perceived his simple statement as love, ageless love, felt suddenly that the love had always been there and would never leave.

I could not speak. My mouth opened and closed but the words avoided me at all cost. I wanted to sigh, even. I thought, perhaps, maybe I misunderstood. My heart was a foolish thing. It could not possibly have been right in hearing that. And yet, as I stared at the faceless young man before me, I knew I was not deceived. He loved me. He always had. He always would.

But who was he? I had no friends with that body structure, unfocused as it had been, didn't know any photographers, wasn't close to a beach. As my thoughts began to race, the sharp blackness at the edge of the scene cut into the middle. The image of the young man was gone. The darkness consumed everything once more, fading and filtering, spotted with dots of light. The sheet of enigmatic white plastered itself atop the sleeping black.

I awoke breathlessly, yet very still in my bed. I was flat on my back, as opposed to my usual position on my stomach. My arms felt heavy against the sheets. I glared at the ceiling, confusion seeming to shudder throughout my entire body. Without warning, without permission, my mouth opened, and I whispered into the room, "I'm looking for you too."

Author's Note

I had this dream when I was sixteen. I was reading through some old stuff/listening to an old mix, and suddenly remembered it. It's kind of tying itself together, I guess?