1AM

1AM

A Poem by xDalliance
"

I am literally very sorry, I will NOT be able to read up all the read requests for poems. I do appreciate all those who sent in the requests, I will try to read most of them. Enjoy.

"
It's 1 am, it's raining
Shards of ice upon my arms
Washing over the knife
That holds your blood
Forming a pool below
Of the inky tar
That glistens with the water
Like the night sky
Burning with a thousand stars
And one of them
Was your face
That i stuck on the sky
Because i loved you
And i killed you.

© 2014 xDalliance


Author's Note

xDalliance
Honest criticism appreciated, as always :)

My Review

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Reviews

An incredible write you have here, Jharna.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Woah, the guys should stay clear of you.
The darkness is there and it has the capability to present itself as haunting. And the flow is even-steven too.

One advice: The last line can be improved upon or removed. The imagery in the piece is enough to invoke the suspense and deduce the aftermath.

Posted 10 Years Ago


xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Haha, I'm not sure about your first line.
Yes, I know, the last line is somewhat detached and .. read more
Stonz P.

10 Years Ago

More like constructive criticism. I am here for that and expect nothing less from others.
Will.. read more
these words are incredible. dark and simple. the first couple of lines really wrapped around me. i really enjoyed this.

Posted 10 Years Ago


xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Thank you, really.
Very dark and Brutal OUCH!


sounds like there is a lot of
pain in your words nice work.


Blessings. Benita.

Posted 10 Years Ago


xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Thank youu, Benita!
Benita-Staebell M - KindredPoet

10 Years Ago

You're welcome. very raw and open write I enjoyed reading. blessings. Benita
Brutal, but sometimes you need to be...the ending is a bit abrupt but it works perfectly here, like the air supply being cut off. Ouch, that fine line...love/hate.

Posted 10 Years Ago


xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Haha thank youu, Frieda. Nothing means more than a review by you!
This is cold blooded. I like the psych imagery here, but you can make it more raw.
For e.g - The inky tar of your blood turned ice pinkish red
As I mourn our memories, return and fade.

Yet, this was an amazing read, the comparison of dead man and star was perfect.

Posted 10 Years Ago


xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Hi there! Thank you. I would have loved to take up your suggestion except that I don't really think .. read more
I feel you are beginning to write like me. We should definitely write a collaboration sometime. :)

Posted 10 Years Ago


xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Hahaha no no, my style is completely different from yours xD Anyways, I'd also like to do a collab w.. read more
Wow girl you killed them? Lol.Godmother's kidding.Missed you girl hope all is well.This was a dark piece very well written J.

Posted 10 Years Ago


xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Aha, yes. Read my 'About me' on my profile, you'll get to know ;) Anyways, thank you, V. Hope you're.. read more
Vidya Bacchus

10 Years Ago

I am good girl and welcome back!!!
xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Haha thank youu. I'm glad to be back :)
Hmm nice :) I think you did a real good Job writing this :) Really enjoyed this read


Posted 10 Years Ago


xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Oh, thank you.
xDalliance

10 Years Ago

Oh, thank you.

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297 Views
9 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on September 9, 2014
Last Updated on September 9, 2014

Author

xDalliance
xDalliance

Mumbai, ♥, India



About
Hi there! I'm from India, I'm 16, and I'm not really active. Message me for anything, but you might have to wait a little for the reply. Thank you! more..

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