Why Not

Embrace your pain and become someone better because of it, be someone stronger and then thank the person who hurt you to begin with...because you outgrew them.

I hid behind oversized hoodies, tones of makeup and Ugg boots. I thought it made me look smaller and you’d appreciate me more for doing so. I always made an effort to impress you when I was only ever putting myself down. You never called me beautiful or said that seeing me brightened up your days, you never made me feel like you deserved me, that I wasn’t who you wanted because you never said that I was worth everything, or anything.

I allowed this person to be in control of my happiness. I let this person believe I needed him, because I was alone. I am responsible for him taking advantage of my weaknesses. I knew deep down that I didn’t deserve getting ignored for days, I knew I deserved more than getting the cold shoulder.

I always listened and tried to help you anyway I could because I was young and naïve enough to believe how I felt was love. You never once pushed me and tried to know who I really was, you never fought for me.

To you I was a distraction from finding and achieving the things you wanted. I know that now and I’m so grateful you left me behind when you did because I’m stronger because of it. I’ve learnt not to trust everyone and if I do, it’s a lesson and I’ll learn. I don’t always pay attention but I understand in the end and that’s all that matters.

I found what I needed because of this person and even though it broke me for a short while everything worked out the way it was meant to.

I was angry for a long time after you, it was a difficult year. I put it all behind me one morning, I woke up and decided I wasn’t going to hurt or wait around for you to realise your mistake, I was going to do something for me. That morning I put my happiness first. I can honestly tell you that decision was the smartest of them all because now I’m the happiest me I ever thought possible. You can’t hurt me anymore.

I wish this person could read this one day, even if it’s a little too late and the meaning won’t mean anything anymore. I wish he could see that there’s only this life and he should just live for now, that he doesn’t need to hurt people to get to where he wants to go but he can let them experience the journey with him. He needs to go by my new moto ‘why not’. Why not do something for the benefit of somebody else’s’ happiness. I wish he doesn’t hurt her and let her cry countless nights over his mistakes. I wish he gets the things I distracted him from and he learns. I wish he already experienced a lesson so he doesn’t hurt how I hurt. He deserves more than what he allows himself to have. He deserves the happiness I now have with another. I wish all of this, so he knows nothing is worth letting go of love.