Summer of 2001

First chapter deals with infidelity

I was completely overwhelmed sitting in the driver seat of a rented ford ranger. In the passenger seat, wearing a tiny white spaghetti strap shirt and skin tight jeans, was a beautifully sexy little redhead named Nicky. She had graduated a month earlier, she was only eighteen but she knew exactly what she was doing.
I had been married, since December of two thousand, to a wonderful girl named Michelle. I had only ever had sex with her. S**t she was the only girl to ever show me any interest, until now. Nicky and I sat talking of all facets of our lives. Her eyes were so deep and blue I remember thinking I could fall in and drown. She touched my hand as we talk and joked casually running her hand up to my knee, then my thigh, I made no protest. I turned and stared blankly out the window wishing I were anywhere but here. There was nothing to save me in or out of the vehicle if I wouldn't save myself. Nothing but an empty dirt road and a moonless desert night. I could feel her hot little hand lingering on my thigh and I realized I was getting excited.

What the f**k was I doing? She could feel me now and I was completely embarrassed still staring out the window, my face more red than her hair. I turned to look at her a*s she began stroking me, she just stared into my eyes not saying a word. My heart nearly beating out of my chest I wish I could've died right there.
I broke the silence first and asked. "Have you done this before?"
"Once." She paused. "A few months ago."
I smiled a small unassuming smile, I believed her.
"Kiss me?" She whispered.
I did as asked. I had lost track of everything, we were naked in a flash, no small feat in a for ranger I might add. We feel into each other, slick, neat and tight. It could have been five minutes it could've been forever, I was completely crazed with passion. Yet I knew the whole time it was wrong. I fell against her, sweaty, finished but still throbbing. Watching her moist body glistening in the barely present light. Looking up at me, completely out of breath, she moaned:
"My neck hurts a little."
"Geez I'm sorry." I panted sitting up, both of us covered in sweat and fluids. I watched her dress all the while slowly pulling on my own clothes.
"Can you take me back to my truck," She began. "I told my dad I'd be home early."

I no longer believed her, and suddenly I was sick. Michelle had crept back into my mind, I realized it was to late. The deed couldn't be undone. I might as well cut out my heart and toss it on the side of that damned dirt road! What a piece of s**t! Here I am on leave in Yuma because my mothers remaining kidney is failing. Here I am meeting girls and cheating on my wife. Way to go John, You're the man!
I dropped Nicky off at her truck, barely a good bye and hauled a*s home to call 'Chelle.
"Hello?" She cooed softly.
"Hey sweetness, I just got in and wanted to say�"
"What?" She whispered half asleep.
"Baby I just miss you and I love you so much."
" I love you to." quietly.
"Chelle" I started. "I just really need to talk to you about something when I get home."
I spoke to fast for her to get a word in. "but just know I love you and I'm sorry."
"Umm� ok ." I could tell she was fully awake now and knew something was definitely wrong.
"I love you and I'll see you tomorrow." I hanged up the phone.

"Well folks, we want to thank you for flying with us, and from the crew, welcome to Anchorage."
The pilots shpeel had roused me from the dark place I'd been lost and dreaming. My perfect life ending and losing everything over five minutes of nothing. I had replayed the previous weeks events for the last five hours from Seattle. It still seems like it a dream, a horrible, horrible dream. How could I have done something so vile to someone I love so much, someone who has done nothing but love me.
I had been thinking of what I was going to tell Michelle. I came up with a million different stories, mostly lies, but I finally settled on the truth.

As I rode the escalator up from the gate to the main terminal, her eyes were the first set that met my gaze.
I just couldn't seem to hold it, first time for everything I guess. She could definitely tell something was hugely wrong with me. She tried to comfort me, she tried to hold my hand. I just couldn't.
I was wrong, I was a terrible person. I didn't deserve her much less her compassion or love. I was a horrible man just like all the rest. I grabbed my bag and we slowly made our way to the car. It was a ninety six dodge avenger, she loved that car. That was the only reason we bought it, she loved it even though the color was kind of off. It had this weird golden sand color, anyway. We cruised down the highway, the sky was as dismal and dark as my heart. We had almost made the trip home, ten miles of cool rainy weather, when I realized that we had not said more than three sentences to each other.

She was the first to break the silence. " Who was she John?". I was totally flabbergasted I just stared at her mouth as mine dropped open and my mind raced on.
"John , who the f**k was it?"
"Chelle, baby, please just wait two more minutes until we are home." I was begging.
"I can't do it this way please we are almost home."
Then nothing, no sounds other than the hum of tires on the wet asphalt and the wipers tapping out there rhythm on the windshield. I thought My heart would explode, I hoped it would so this could all be avoided.
The car coasted to a stop in the garage, our usual spot. She stepped out of the vehicle without saying a word and walked toward the stairs up to our place. I lingered downstairs, taking a*s much time as possible to grab my bags. Thinking all the while what I'd say and do, reluctantly I headed upstairs and into our place.
I walked in and dropped my things as I started pleading my case.

"I'm sorry, She's no one. I met her out with Jason, I love you so much." I was frantic and crying, I started to raise my voice. I have a way of doing that when I get upset, it's totally unintentional I just can't help it. Never could. "John! Stop it, Just shut up! Let me ask the questions."
Surprisingly she was calm to f*****g calm. Was she going to leave me, Jesus I can't take this.
I still couldn't look at her, my tears streamed down while she so nonchalantly formed questions.
Looking directly at me while I could only stare at my feet, like a little kid in trouble, she began:
"Who was she?"
"Just some girl, her name was Nicky�" I stated quietly and let it trail away.
"And how'd you meet her John?" She always had a way of calling me by my first name when I had done anything wrong. Always made me feel like I was five and being grounded. Honestly guess I deserved it.
"I met her with my brother, Jason. He went to school with her, she graduated this year."
"I'm sorry." I whispered as I stepped forward reaching for her hand. To my surprise she let me hold it.
"Why John, don't you love me?" Her face started to soften, showing she was actually hurting.
"How could you?" She cracked, still holding my hand she stood there crying. For the first time standing in our little place hands locked together she broke that icy stare she held on me.
"I don't know, I was upset about my mother, she was there, we were just hanging out and drinking.""
I gushed, I just couldn't hold it together and yes I lied we had not been drinking. Yet somehow in my skewed sense of things it made it more acceptable if I were drunk.
"It just happened Chelle. I'm sorry, I love you so much and I made a horrid mistake"
"Just stop." She warned as she took her hand back and walked into our room. She sat on our bed staring at her ring. Her cheap little ring, I bought it in the PX back when I was in boot camp. I always said I'd buy her one that she deserve, a beautiful ring for my beautiful girl, I never did.

It took a while and all the courage I could muster but I finally went to her. I knelt in front of her,Held her hands and looked into her eyes as I spoke. Slowly and clearly I said:
"I love you Michelle. I have forever and I always will, I made a mistake a terrible one and it will never happen again." It's still the truth, mostly� She returned my look and listened intently as I continued.
"I swear it will never happen again. I wish it never happened to begin with but all I can do is prove myself if you give me that chance."
Before she could reply I kissed her, to my surprise she kissed me back. I held her face to mine and we fell on the bed together. We made love, slow and quiet. We finished and lay there naked, crying completely without sound, together. As I was drifting off to sleep, I just listened to her breath. I always loved the sound of her. At that exact time I lost a bit of myself, probably my soul but I kept her.

Author's Note

Any criticism greatly appreciated, thank you.

Reviews

[Aube Ralph]

i like...sort of mirrors my poem Liar...hehe she knew...it just has a few typos and then there's the "their" or "there" factor...just proof it you'll find what i'm talking about....good read