Wild Child

Wild Child

Wild Child

Not even Seventeen

Wild Child

Can you make Sixteen?

Party and drink

Keep it up and you won’t live to make Fifteen

Stop and think

You’re supposed to play at Fourteen

Used to go to school

Left before you turned Thirteen

What happened with little Bobby at the pool?

When you were a Preteen?

 

Wild Child

Bobby did something bad

Wild Child

Mother dead…where was your dad?

They kicked you out of school

A week before you turned Thirteen

Because they saw the baby drool

Thought about death, stopped with pills in your hand

Three days after you turned Fourteen

That year it was hard for you to stand

After all you just turned Fourteen

 

Baby cries…

You party all night long

This is your life at Fifteen

Smoke fills the air, cocaine in your nose

By now your baby just hit three and you passed out on the floor..

A dying teen

Sick…Bleeding

You’re barely alive at Sixteen

Four year old watches…mommy hardly eating

Skin and bones, the drug eating you from the inside out 

Three months after you turned sixteen

Life left your broken body

A day before you turned Seventeen

Guess who has your baby…her father Bobby

 

Wild Child

Didn’t make it to Seventeen

Wild Child

Died at Sixteen

Reviews

[Perfect Mistake]

Wow this is simply amazing! This made me think and every word to every line is very vivid. Loved the story that was told in each stanza. This gives an out look on teenagers these day, doing whatever they please with no consequences. Great job on this :3

[allie_arrowz]

intense!
i loved going backwards in the first stanza, that was really cool.
this is very sad
and unfortunately true of a lot of kids.

[Pax]

i like the repetition of the wild child. the atmosphere is very sad and a bit dark. a strong ending. and lastly a bit confusing though or maybe its just me or maybe its just the abstract way of poems that has deep meaning.
keep it up.

[Alrick]

wow, this is an amazing poem that is so simply stunning i can't even being to explain how remarkable this is... The entire time i thought "this would make a really good song" because whether rap, or another genre, this poem would make a very effective and deeper meaning lyric set. Astonishing. Simply Astonishing.

[Daydreamer54]

Very sad and the dark side of teen life when the kids try to grow up to fast. You caught this perfectly. Great write!

Whoa. This gave me cold chills! Very haunting!! Very well written :)

[Kaya]

This was so touching, hard hitting and heart breaking. You're an incredible writer to show that much in so few words. I was honestly moved by this poem so much more than i expected. You have a lot of talent.

[nevermindfan1991]

Wild Child
Not even Seventeen
Wild Child
Can you make Sixteen?
Party and drink
Keep it up and you won’t live to make Fifteen
Stop and think
You’re supposed to plat at Fourteen
Used to go to school
Left before you turned Thirteen
What happened with little Bobby at the pool?
When you were a Preteen?

(I had a feeling of uncertainty when I read this. But I really liked this first stanza. It is direct yet poetic. I looked up the word “plat” and I’m not sure if your using it correctly. I think you could have used more repetition. Making every other line a question. The second to last line was an okay transition.)

Wild Child
Bobby did something bad
Wild Child
Mother dead…where was your dad?
They kicked you out of school
A week before you turned Thirteen
Because they saw the baby drool
Thought about death, stopped with pills in your hand
Three days after you turned Fourteen
That year it was hard for you to stand
After all you just turned fourteen

(Here, I think your poem takes an unexpected turn and not in good way. I saw some forced rhyming at the beginning. The execution of this seemed staggered. It lacked rhythm and cohesiveness to me. A certain line stood out to me “Thought about death, stopped with pills in your hand” I just thought that was awkwardly written.












Baby cries…you party all night long
This is your life at Fifteen
Smoke fills the air, cocaine in your nose
By now your baby just hit three and you passed out on the floor..a dying teen
Sick…Bleeding
You’re barely alive at Sixteen
Four year old watches…mommy hardly eating
Skin and bones, the drug eating you from the inside out three months after you turned sixteen
Life left your broken body
A day before you turned Seventeen
Guess who has your baby…her father Bobb
(This was better but still awkwardly written. The rhythm was consistent until the fourth and eighth line unless that was your attention. You could have shorten these lines and written them in a more concise and succinct manner to fit the rest of the poem.)

Wild Child
Didn’t make it to Seventeen
Wild Child
Died at Sixteen
(Last stanza was good)

This poem has real potential. I think you need to find better words to better express the theme and meaning. I also think the last stanza should be either didactic or ominous.

[Sleepless]

i know right how times have changed since when id twelve year old fell in love became pregant what else oh yeah smoked weed i think the reasonis tv even the programs dont have that much imagination as they ysed to have before im sixteen i never smoked never drinked i hate the smell of smoke so iproud tobe how i am just hope this chaos ends for others !:p