Father and Son

To the father I never had.

What do you think

of that boy on the hill,

playing with his invisible friends?

You've stood there and judged,

maybe feeling a grudge

for the time he so carelessly spends.

 

Is there a notion

of blinded devotion

for something so close to your heart.

Do you see the line

that has left you entwine?

perhaps a self weakness in part.

 

 

Judgment,

is such a lonely word.

 

One day,

dear father,

together we might change the world.

 

 

What would you say

to that boy on the hill

who you fear oh so awfully about?

Would you act as mad

and put sense in his head?

Would you teach him suspicion and doubt?

 

A cold silhouette

of a terrible threat

would accompany him to his grave.

A scream every night,

baring terrible fright.

his innocence would you deprave?

 

 

Innocence,

is such a joyful word.

 

One day,

dear father,

together we might change the world.

 

 

How did you feel

when they took him away?

Did you cry? Did you shed a small tear?

You surely did so,

yet you've let no one know.

Until now you're not sure of your fear.

 

It's time to come clean

of your terrible sin,

time to face you were happy until

they took you away

from where you used to play -

it was you, the small boy on the hill.

 

 

Redemption,

has such a big reward.

 

One day,

dear father,

together we might change the world.

 

 

Now there's another

small boy on the hill.

Would you let him bear the same fate?

Author's Note

I should clarify this piece is NOT about my father, it's just dedicated to him.
My father died when I was six, so I never knew him.
Sometimes I think he was the only person who might have understood who I am.
His suffering face dying would accompany me wherever I may go.
May he rest in peace.

Reviews

[Nicholas Hallows]

This poem asks a lot of questions. I have been reading it and re-reading it trying to get a picture of your father and that's been hard - but I think that is because that is probably how you feel after losing him at such a young age. You are wanting him to understand who you are and at the same time trying to understand who he was. For me this ambiguity is definitely not a bad thing - I really like that it doesn't give any definitive answers as in a way that is how your relationship is with him now. I'm sure I will have questions to ask you about this experience in more detail but will leave that to messages. Structurally I really liked this too. The repetition gives it a lyrical quality often apparent in your poetry. And the shorter stanzas add good emphasis to weighty words.

This stanza was particularly vivid in my head:

A cold silhouette
of a terrible threat
would accompany him to his grave.
A scream every night,
baring terrible fright.
his innocence would you deprave?

Not only because you would have won my 'Use of the word silhouette' contest but it evoked strong images of a child at night re-living the memory of his father's dying face and possibly his first real encounter with death and loss of innocence. I know there is more I like about the poem and could say so I will probably come back to this review later.

Very well done!

Nick

Part II

Mistakenly I took this poem too literally the first time round. Knowing it is not about your father makes it a lot easier to understand. Thanks for clarifying!

Sad but beautiful. I like how you repeated words it added to the poem. I think the last stanza is my favorite. It really tied things together!

[Moonlit-Blues]

Beautifully melancholy poem. Beautifully written. Reminds me of the song 'nowhere man' by the beatles. Emotionally reflecting.

This is a very emotional piece, and would be very difficult to give comments, but I loved it.

The message is intense, and the passion, even more. I really liked this one.

A very good piece

[Sarah]

This is both heart-breaking and beautiful. I love the longing for someone to understand you, and finding a sort of comfort in the idea that your father might have. I really loved the repetition of the stanza "One day, / dear father, / together we might change the world." as it's my favorite stanza in general! ^_^ Great job with this, it definitely evoked emotion. :')