The Button

Introspection into my thoughts on life, and the potential lack thereof

I’ve had an epiphany recently, though I really wish I hadn’t

Suicide

Whenever I thought about the possibility of killing myself, the thought was never one I even remotely considered actually acting upon

I always found some solace in this, and used it as a sort of proof to myself that I wasn’t that depressed or upset

But now that I’ve thought about it, that’s only because of the context involved

The thought of how painful it could be, the tragic potential of failure, the possibility that doing so would have me land squarely in hell, the anxiety of preparing for it

All these things were the real determining factors in my distaste for the idea of suicide

So, to remove these exterior factors and consider only my will to actually continue living, I’ve created a hypothetical button

If I were to press this button, I would instantly cease existing with no pain or possibility of negative consequences in the case of there being an afterlife

And through testing I found that I, given the chance, would press this button at nearly any given moment

It always feels like something I’d rather do than not, even when I’m having a relatively good time

Because I know that the good times will end, and I’ll be stressed out or depressed again very soon