illusionz

The Wind covers my face as i walk down the shades of the forest,

There i apprehend the time I spent trolling past black trees. One-hour, fourty-five minutes  and seventeen-seconds.  Still I find a reason to be here. Searching for a lost soul whom i talked into their demise. Sometimes i wonder am i doing the right thing? Can i be forgiven for what i done? Perhaps the soul had forgiven me and found rest?

As This day grows old and this walk blurs to a end.

Clutching my fist,and closing m eye, i saw the illusion that haunted me for my days to begin.

   Residing in the hopes of our love ones...
i am constantly seeking of what is needed in this world of shame.
That person looking for me as he walks through the think of the forest is blind to the most brightest lights.
 Yes, i forgive him for what he has done, but one thing he needs to learn is how to forgive him self.
 For he has done he right thing looking for my soul of which he caused for my death.
The locks on his shoulder are not by his actions though. They were chained and merge into one by his own sorrow and sadness he put on his heart.

Author's Note

still working on it tell me what you feel about it

Reviews

[The Perfectionist]

'dead lifeless' is redundant. Lifeless is a strong enough word on its own.

Are you more familiar with poetry? As far as prose goes, this is pretty bad. The writing feels more like it wants to be an epic poem than an actual story. Your word choices are odd and again, poetic. You have vivid imagery, but very bad structure and grammar. Don't make this something it doesn't want to be.

Your other problem, prose or poetry, is your mishandling of tone. This thing is dark and sad and serious right til the end when it's suddenly perky. I had to reread the last few lines to make sure I wasn't missing anything. The shift is abrupt and just looks silly more than anything else in a piece this short.

[nono]

Very interesting I love it. Holding a lifeless body that's deep. And how this is written I just love it. So descriptive. Nice job

[JENY]

Nice….very interesting….touching…

[joanofbooke]

this is great i cant wait to read the rest keep me updated;}

[Coyote Poetry]

Th story is very good so far. The beginning brought me in and the flow of the story held me. A woman who can defend her self is mighty cool. I like this chapter and look forward to reading more.
Coyote