It was you

Marcus' grasp on reality is slipping fast, and he knows he is loosing time.

When thinking back I found there were many times I slept only to see his face. Other times I felt tempted to keep myself awake in an effort to prevent feeling so vulnerable. When I was in the asylum things were different. I never knew if medication would be forced down my throat, or if they would keep me awake just to watch me squirm. Some of my clearest visions of him came in the form of hallucination. The first time I went several days without sleeping, one of the night guards walked by my room to find me sitting cross legged, naked, and laughing on the floor in an attempt to invite the nameless man to a tea party.

           

Perhaps I thought tea would entice him into coming closer, but of course after such a display I was put to bed with a heavy dose of medication, bringing the hallucinations to an end. When I awoke the next morning I was informed of my actions the previous night, and to my doctor’s dismay, all I could do was simply chuckle at my actions. I knew I wasn’t in my right state of mind. I was never surprised by the outrageous acts I committed during one of my spells. What bothered me above all else, was the staff’s lack of intervention. They never seemed to want to stop my behavior until I took it one step too far.

        Thinking back on it all, I thought it safe to assume they enjoyed the show. Thankfully the few memories I was certain weren’t crafted were the ones that helped me the most. Most of these memories took place in my room and on the hallway which lead to every main facility in the asylum. Looking down at my blueprints made two things clear: one, I knew the building like the back of my hand, and two, I wish I had paid more attention to what the back of my hand actually looked like, in regards to how many times I have seen it.

            “No, that can’t be it, the cafeteria was on the right, the gym was on the left.” I sighed and touched my eraser to the paper, “Or was it the other way around?” I closed my eyes and tried to focus. I imagined myself standing in my room. Breakfast and lunch were served in our rooms, but every evening we were escorted to the cafeteria for dinner. I stood from my chair and pictured myself walking. “Okay now,” I whispered “No, I won’t misbehave.” I lifted my arm as if I were being escorted by the guard, and walked in small steps through the quiet room in the back of the warehouse. “Yes, it was on the left!” I chuckled. I slowly turned and continued to walk picturing the guard as he pulled me along. I made every effort to think of every room I would pass on my way, and where they were.

    

        This action seemed to help more than anything I had tried previously. By the time I had returned to my chair I was able to take my pencil and add the cafeteria, the gym, and a storage closet to the blueprint. Perhaps this was the direction I should of taken with this all along. “Marcus you genius, you are too good.” I chuckled to myself and looked down at the blueprints. “Now where was that file room?”

            “Perhaps,” quietly spoke a voice from across the room, “you should consider the consequences for the actions you plan to take.” I rose from my chair in a swift motion and looked towards the sound of the voice. “Is it worth it Marcus?”

            “Hello?” I whispered, “Where are you.” I looked around the room, but saw no one. The door was closed as always, and nothing seemed amiss. I stood in silence almost wishing there would be no reply. After a moment of waiting it appeared my wishful thinking had come through. There was no one in the room with me, not a soul. I quietly let out a sigh of relief and fell back against the wall. I shook my head and slowly brought my hand up sweeping my hair back away from my face.  In a moment I had gone from feeling a sense of accomplishment to feeling the chains of an unstable mind.

            If any night were going to be a turning point for my situation, this was it. In this one night I managed to accomplish more regarding my blue prints than the last two months combined. On the other hand the night had come to an end with a bitter sweet finale that was certain to linger in my head until it was overrun with even more bitter sweet dreams.

            Just as I thought, those words lingered in my head for the rest of the night. ‘Consequences are just part of the risk.” I told myself, but I knew there was more to it than that. When I finally got the courage to take myself to bed, I checked the contents of the room and locked the door behind me. Whatever invading thoughts I had while working, I didn’t want them to follow me sleep. I had worked long and hard to get to the point where sleep didn’t have to be scarce, and I was determined to keep it that way.

That night he came to me and rested his hand upon my shoulder. I felt my eyes light up as I turned and saw his grinning face eagerly awaiting my reaction. “How was your day my love?”
 He asked quietly and placed a gentle kiss on my ear.

I looked at him but I didn’t answer. I was certain my expression told him all he needed to know, for when he looked at me and realized my smile had faded he grasped me in his arms and pulled me to him. “It could have been better,” I said softly, gently placing my hand around his waist. “I’m just happy to see you.”

He chuckled a little and flicked my nose with his finger before letting go of me and stepping back. “You have my support,” he said with a smile. “Just know, whatever you choose to do, you must weigh your consequences.” and just like that my head snapped up from my bed, my blanket was jerked from atop my body, and my eyes hinged open. I jerked myself from the bed in a moment of fright and for a moment I felt nothing, heard nothing, saw nothing. There was nothing but silent, empty, darkness, and through the silence I could hear only myself, and nothing else. “It was you.”

 

Author's Note

<3