Confessions of a Busy Mind

I have been lost in thoughts lately, and decided to try my hand at writing again. It really helps me, and I wished I never would have stopped. Enjoy!

A bunch of clever lines written and never said

Words spoken but never heard

Whispered but soon forgotten

Forgiven but never lost

Apologetic, emphatic, sympathetic, redirected

Turned around

Back again

Upside down

And tilting again

Pacing, racing

Sweat drips down my face

Can't escape

Counting up the seconds, minutes, hours

Time.

Time heals, time thrills, time can't stop the pain it only makes you numb

It hurts

Am I lazy or just weak?

Am I pathetic or just hurt?

Am I overthinking or is this reality?

Freeze

Everything freeze

Stop

Can't stop

Go, go

Just go with the flow

Go

On the clock

Running until your mind can't keep up

Can't escape it

Can't relocate it

Can't get away from all the hurt and the pain

It replays over and over

Like a movie in your head

Days

Weeks

Months

It keeps adding up to

Years

And, I'm still trying to get by

Still trying to feel

Trying to give

Never once trying to take

Replacing, isolating, escaping

Trying to push it away

Never once getting close

Again.

Repeat again.

A vicious cycle of never ending pain

Days

It keeps going and it all adds up

It over flows

And then it runs out

Cast it out

Toss it out 

Who is the strong one now?

What is justice?

What is love?

Tell me what real strength really is?

These tears

These scars 

Mental and physical

Are all in the same

Can't make it go away

A reminder of all the bad days

Pause

Stop

Repeat it again

A small reminder of all the good days

But will it ever be the same?

Friends.

Friends?

Do I have any friends?

Real or fake?

Take and replace.

Get rid of the bad

And put in the good

One door closes and that means you

Should take the opportunity to move on

It hurts

It hurts

Can it get any worse?

Save me

Hold me

Make a whole me

Take it back

Make me feel okay

Okay?

Stressed out and strung out

Two in the same

Help me find my way

I can't seem to make it

On my own

Need someone to

Hold on to

Will it ever be the same?

Reflections,

Illusions,

Confusion,

Deception,

Confessions,

All just a memory inside

Of your mind

What a scary place

What a great escape

What a welcoming home

What a terrible throne

A place to be

A place to hide

A place to resent

A place to lie
Down to rest

Thoughts keep running

Thoughts keep going

Thoughts surround me and they consume me

They make me up to be me

It hurts

But it is safe

Right?

The home 

It made it all its own

A vessel of reminders

Of safety

And of harm

Will it ever be the same?

Confessions, confessions, we all have a lot to confess

Erase it.

Keep making mistakes
And then you change it

Confidence

Common sense

Self-hate

Debates
Arrogance

Love

Hate

Kindness

Childishness

Maturity

Equations

Thoughts

Biases

Time

Pain

Suicidal thoughts and actions

All tied up in a small little package

It serves as an outlet

But it can create a monster in you

It can break you, shape you, rearrange you.

It is a part of you

Inner demons:

A collection of sins

And all the good things you did.

Virtues

Morals

Memories

Peace

Hope

These thoughts they never stop

All these things and more are part of an active mind.

Make it stop

Make it numb

Another pill and you think it is done

Anxiety

It is tied to me

A reminder of

Depressing times 

That are replayed for me

A good place

A bad place

You can never escape

Will it ever be the same?