Mist

Mist

A Story by Kaya
"

Unwanted Conversations

"
It was like mist. Nothing like rain, no hard heavy droplets driving downwards against your skin. It seems light, completely nonthreatening until you’re covered in it, and then it’s a second skin. It covers your skin with a numbing filming, pushing everything else under the surface; hiding it even from you. 
"I need to talk to you." Such simple words, as non-threating as any others, but from our mum life altering. I leaded against my sister where she sat at the table, offering her what comfort i could. 
"Sure Mum, what is it" My voice sounded almost casual, flippant, as though cheerful tones could lift the mist and make it fly away. Not Mum, she was the casual one, the free thinking, flower wearing, lost in her own mind most days. She wasn't one to plan things, not with us, and she wasn't the kind of person to have that tone in her voice.
"So... I mean your grandparents are getting older... of course they're fine," she added, noting my alarmed start. I could hear my heart in the breaks in her voice. She wouldn't face us, fiddling with the tea-towl behind her. "If they... when they pass away... i know you two have your commitments but..." She turned, giving us a fleeting glimpse of the tears streaming down her face while she blinked desperately, trying to regain control of her voice. "But... would you two umm, want to come down for that? Ummm... If..." She lost it again, shaking her head. The silence was hammering, pounding into each of us. Accusing us for not speaking, daring us to challenge it and say something, anything. I caressed my sisters head as if that could fix things, change mums tears... Mum didn't cry.
"Of course I'd come down Mum, they're my grandparents." My voice was too loud for the room, filled with false bravado. Sasha nodded against my hand. 
"We'd be there." she echoed, her voice small as i ran my fingers through her hair, wishing i could protect her. 
"I just... wanted to be sure... because, well when the time comes... i wont be..." She swallowed visibly, her voice trembling. "I won't be there for you guys." She stood and walked out of the room to the back of the house. 
My hand stilled against Sasha hair as the silence leapt back into the room, making us more and more aware of how that tiny sentence had made us. She quivered, "Kady?" she whimpered. I kissed the top of her head.
"It'll be fine." Mum's tear streaked face swam in my mind, it was wrong, everything about this was wrong. "Absolutely fine sweetie." I promised soothingly, and the mist clung even closer to my skin.

© 2012 Kaya


Author's Note

Kaya
Any comments are greatly appriciated.

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Featured Review

This is really good. There are a few spelling/grammar mistakes, but nothing you wouldn't catch in spell check! I love the theme of mist and how words can cling to you in the same way. I come away with one question after reading this: why won't the mom be there for the two girls? Because she will be too emotionally upset, because she literally won't go because she is at odds with her parents? Are they her ex-husband's parents? Is she sick? Thousands of possibilities and I want to know which one!

You are a master of dialogue and inner thought here. Love your work. You successfully take is along for this emotional ride. We feel what your character's feel. Great post. :) Keep writing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

The theme of emotions and humanity is not checked, forced, or shoved down the readers throat.


I score this,

9 out of 10 Whiskey sours,

10 would make me pass out.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm a little unsure about what happened in the end. The mother isn't going to go their grandparent's future funeral...? Other than that I like the narrative style, it works well in getting inside the emotion of the characters and the feeling within the room. (:


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Beautifully written. There's emotion, heartaches which have reflected here clearly. I really loved the way you have written. I don't care about grammar when the presentation of a piece is so good.


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like this a lot! Good description. Very emotional. Well told.

Personally, I like the mystery of why the mother won't be there. I assumed that she was trying to find the strength to tell them that she is dying.

I'm not sure, but in the first paragraph you seem to be switching between past and present tense in your description of the mist. It just seems kind of awkward to me.

All in all, though, its very good. I love the very last line - "and the mist clung even closer to my skin." Perfect ending!

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is really good. There are a few spelling/grammar mistakes, but nothing you wouldn't catch in spell check! I love the theme of mist and how words can cling to you in the same way. I come away with one question after reading this: why won't the mom be there for the two girls? Because she will be too emotionally upset, because she literally won't go because she is at odds with her parents? Are they her ex-husband's parents? Is she sick? Thousands of possibilities and I want to know which one!

You are a master of dialogue and inner thought here. Love your work. You successfully take is along for this emotional ride. We feel what your character's feel. Great post. :) Keep writing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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5 Reviews
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Added on May 3, 2012
Last Updated on June 27, 2012
Tags: Mum, Grandparents, Death

Author

Kaya
Kaya

Brisbane, Qld, Australia



About
Hey Guys, I just remembered about this website when my old computer came back online. I left writing and moed on to pole dancing, but, as embarrassing as reading through my old work feels, I want .. more..

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