Chapter Two: Circus Zero

Dreamer makes a decision. Torch gets mad. And some of Snake's pats is revealed.

Reading time: 28 minutes.

Chapter Two: Circus Zero

Dreamer fiddled with his eyebrow. He was alone with Jack Jarod. After the grey-haired Yandro had made his speech, the two of them went into Dreamer’s room on the airship to discuss things privately. Snake didn’t look pleased with leaving the two of them alone; she was worried that the eloquent Yandro would persuade Dreamer into doing something, he didn’t want to do. She often worried about him. Like a mother. Dreamer found it annoying; he was 21 years old now. He was capable of making his own decisions.

Jack Jarod had told him, that the city state of Skiron needed his help. Dreamer’s father, Constantin Gannon, had been a beloved duke of Skiron until he was assassinated 11 years ago. Since then Damien Dazim II had ruled Skiron in a, according to Jack Jarod, very poor manner. In fact Skiron was on the verge of bankruptcy and close to be overtaken by the neighboring city state Orchid Bay. There was an upcoming election in Skiron and it looked like Dazim would win again; he had convinced the people that the economic crisis was inevitable and that it would have been far worse if it hadn’t been for him. His adversary in the election was Necema Skaam, who was Dreamer’s father’s second in command back when he was duke, and she had lost to Dazim two times in a row; but no one else wanted to challenge him.

‘So you want me to challenge this Dazim,’ said Dreamer. ‘But why me? I don’t know anything about Skiron or how to rule a city.’
Jack Jarod leaned forward in his chair and rested both hands on his cane. ‘You can give our people hope again. The Gannon name still mean a lot to people i Skiron.’
Dreamer looked down. ‘But the people of Skiron is not my people anymore. The crew on this airship is my people now. And I can’t just leave them.’

Jack Jarod smiled and leaned back. ‘What do you want from life, Yanik?’
‘I don’t know. And don’t call me that.’
‘Do you want to live in a small room on this airship the rest of your life? To take odd jobs for a few bucks? To stay away from your birth place out of fear?’ said Jack Jarod and tapped his cane on the floor. ‘To never find out who killed your parents that night at the circus?’
Dreamer looked directly at the Yandro with surprise, pain and anger. Then Jack Jarod continued in a softer voice:
‘I understand that you feel responsible for this crew, and that you don’t want to leave the captain, since she has taken care of you since your parents died. All I’m asking of you is to consider what you want to do. And what is that, Yanik?’

Dreamer began to breathe heavily. ‘I don’t… stop calling me…’ Dreamer stood up and turned his back to Jack Jarod. He took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down. He was confused. He loved his life on Freebird, but there was something inside him that wanted something else.
‘None of this makes any sense,’ Dreamer said with his back to Jack Jarod. ‘I don’t know how to be a duke.’
‘I can help you.’
Dreamer crossed his arms. ‘Do you think I have a chance?’
‘Yes. If you want it,’ Jack Jarod said with a smile. ‘Do you want it?’
Dreamer was silent for a few seconds. ‘I don’t know.’
Jack Jarod got to his feet. ‘I’m staying at The Red Lion Inn. Please let me know, when you make up your mind.’

Jack Jarod left the room.  Dreamer touched the burn marks on his face. Maybe it was time to return to his birth city.

***

Skiron, 11 years ago.

A group of kids was playing Cordic Knights versus trolls in the street. The Cordic Knight team had wooden swords and the troll team had wooden sticks. Except for one of the kids who had a sword made of metal. He was clearly the leader of the team and also the one ruling the game. The rest were more or less just a part of his fantasy.

Yanik Gannon was not playing in the street. Instead he was staring jealously at the other kids from his window in his large room full of toys only he would play with. He was rarely allowed to play with the other kids. It wasn’t safe. His father, Constantin Gannon the Duke of Skiron, had been threatened on his life more than once, and he was afraid that someone would take his only son.

Yanik imagined that he was playing with the other kids. He was a Cordic Knight wielding a metal sword ready to slay any troll who dared to come near him. He jumped down from the window sill and made a swing with his imaginary sword.

He saw a golden light shimmer in his hand and stopped his battle against the imaginary troll. The light turned liquid. He could feel the golden liquid against his skin; it was warm and made his hand tingle. The liquid slowly shaped out a sword and then it turned solid; he had an exact copy of the metal sword from the kid in the street in his hand. He could feel the cool metal in his hand and the weight of the sword. He smiled. It had happened again.

He heard his father’s footsteps outside the door; no one walked as fast and as heavy as his father. Yanik quickly hid the sword behind his back and leaned against the wall. The door went up and Yanik’s father entered the room. He looked directly at Yanik with a smile on his face. He had brown eyes, a stubble beard and a strong chin. For a brief moment the smile went away from his eyes. He could see he was hiding something. He walked over to his son, and sat down on his bed.

‘Did it happen again?’ he said with a deep and stern voice made soft for his son’s ears.
Yanik nodded. He knew that it made his father sad. But he couldn’t help it.
‘What was it this time?’

Yanik showed his father the sword behind his back. His father took it in his hand and weighed it. The smile disappeared from his face as he stared at the sword. Then he looked at Yanik again with a smile that Yanik knew was false.
‘It has a good balance,’ his father said and laid the sword on the bed. ‘We’ve got a guest today. It is one of me and your mom’s oldest friends. Would you like to meet her?’
Yanik just wanted to stay in his room.

‘She has an airship.’

But he did like airships. He nodded and followed his father downstairs, where he saw his mother, Sandra Gannon, with long frizzy hair and distant eyes, sitting at the dinner table talking to a woman with green eyes and a cheeky smile. They stopped talking when they saw them enter the room, and Yanik’s father patted him on the back to encourage him to meet their guest. Yanik shook hands with the woman. ‘Hello, my name is Yanik Gannon. Pleased to meet you.’

The woman smiled. ‘Hello Yanik. I’m Snake Ninefingers. And I am friends with your mom and dad.’
Yanik stared at Snake’s left hand where the ring finger was missing. Snake noticed it and held up the hand. ‘Do you want to know how I lost it?’

Yanik nodded and Snake gave a knowing smile to his mother and father.

‘I was searching for a very rare old tek in the jungles of New Africa, when I was suddenly attacked by a minotaur. It has the body of a large man and the head of a bull. It is one of those bionovas created before the Phoenix War. I knew it was faster and stronger than me, so I climbed a tree, but the minotaur just charged the tree head first and almost knocked the tree down.’ Snake said while she acted out the story as she told it. ‘It prepared to charge a second time, and I thought it would probably succeed in felling the tree. So I quickly made noose out of a wire rope I had on me and jumped down from the tree at the same time the minotaur smashed into the tree and knocked it down. Then I threw the noose around the neck of the beast and tied it to the largest tree I could find. But the minotaur was faster than I thought, so it charged me as I was tying the rope and hit my finger with it’s horn and chopped it off. I screamed in pain as I fell down and closed my eyes and thought it was going to impale me with its horns, but nothing happened. I opened my eyes and saw that the minotaur was stuck in the tree with its horn. Then I ran away as fast as I could. I guess that the minotaur is still standing there today,’ she concluded.

Yanik was impressed with the story. He had always dreamed of travelling the world and fighting bionovas. And not just staying in his room with his toys.
‘Is it true you have an airship?’ he asked.
‘Oh, it’s not just an airship, honey. It is the greatest airship in the world and the only home I know. It’s called Freebird,’ Snake said with pride in her voice.

Yanik’s eyes lit up. ‘Can I see it?’

Snake went silent and looked at Yanik’s father. He told Yanik to sit down and poured him a glass of juice from a pitcher on the table. Then Yanik’s mother and father exchanged glances and Yanik’s mother folded her hands, laid them on the table and leaned forward. Her eyes were distant and wet.

‘You know that we have tried to figure out, why you can do these… special things,’ she said like she was reading it from a book behind Yanik. ‘We have talked to all the energy-users we could find, but no one have ever seen anyone do what you do,’ she stopped and looked at her husband.

Yanik’s father stroked her back and took over. ‘Snake have found a man in New Asia, who could probably help you. He is very wise,’ he said and paused for a few seconds. ‘So we have asked Snake to take you to him. Would that be okay?’

‘Are you coming too?’ Yanik asked.

‘No,’ Yanik’s father said. ‘We have to take care of the city. There are many issues right now that need our attention. We have never been closer to a civil war since the revolution over 20 years ago, and if the bloody…’

Yanik was crying silently and still looking at his father. He didn’t want to leave them. Yanik’s mother wiped away his tears. ‘It will only take a few months, and then you will be back here with your toys,’ she said and continued. ‘And you get to fly in Snake’s airship. That would be fun, right?.’

Yanik sniffled and nodded reluctantly. ‘When do I have to go?’

‘Tomorrow just after we go to the circus, that you have been looking forward to for weeks,’ his mother answered and stroked his cheek. She was smiling and crying at the same time. Yanik had never seen her like that before. It was like she was holding on to something that wasn’t there. ‘In the circus there will be tame bionovas and artists from all over the world. Snake is coming with us too, so you can get to know each other before…’ She lowered her head.

Yanik gave her a hug. ‘It’s okay mom. I’ll be fine.’

***

Jack Jarod ran into Torch on his way out of the airship, who was sharpening her large old tek sword in a narrow corridor and thereby blocking his path. He was actually hoping he could get a chance to talk alone with the hudroc, so he didn’t mind.

‘It’s rare to see a hudroc outside of New Europe,’ he said with excitement in his voice. ‘Since the Dragon Era ended more than 100 years ago, when the humans of New Europe finally beat the sinister dragons, most of your kind traveled with your dragon masters back to New North America, or as the dragons call it Draconia,’ Jack Jarod said and pointed his cane at a vacant chair next to Torch. ‘Do you mind?’

Torch stopped sharpening her sword for a second, nodded and then continued her work. Jack Jarod took a seat and kept talking.

‘Those of you who stayed behind were the ones who were strong and independent enough to throw off the shackles of the powerful dragons. That’s no simple task. Humankind defeated the dragons, yes, but it could never have happened without the help of a few brave hudrocs. The dragons might see you as traitors, but history will remember you as liberators,’ he said and looked at the hudroc to the sound of metal stroking against metal. ‘Are you from Nord?’

Torch nodded.

‘Most hudrocs are. You could say that Nord is the hudroc capital of New Europe,’ Jack Jarod said and then his eyes darkened slightly. ‘Do you still have any family there?’

Torch stopped and stared at him. Her eyes were reptilian with an oval vertical pupil and a red iris.

‘No,’ she said with a stone face.

‘Oh, no parents or siblings? A brother perhaps,’ Jack Jarod said while his eyes got even darker. ‘Not even a human husband and two b*****d kids?’ he said through his teeth with almost completely dark eyes.

Torch got to her feet and looked down on the grey haired man, ready to punch him in the face, when she heard something coming down the corridor. It was Dreamer.

Jack Jarod got to his feet quickly, his eyes without a shade of darkness. ‘I better get back to the inn,’ he said and gave Dreamer a nod. ‘I hope to see you later.’
The blue-robed man disappeared out of the airship.
‘What was that all about?’ asked Dreamer.
Torch sat down. ‘Nothing,’ she said and resumed her work.

Dreamer continued through the corridor to the mess hall where the rest of the crew was hanging out. Snake, Chef and Lux were laughing at something Jukebox had said. Kid was working on the spos they found down in the hatch. They all looked up when he walked in and stopped laughing and working.

‘Can we talk?’ Dreamer asked Snake.

Snake got on her feet with a little help from Lux, her ribs were still hurting after the ogre’s attack, and waved Dreamer into her quarters. He helped her down in the ornamented wooden chair next to a large wooden desk, where she used to sit and work. The desk was covered with papers, books, weapons, random pieces of old tek and of course her combat suit. She thanked him and asked him to sit down in the red couch, that stood up against the wall. All the walls in the room were covered with trophies (minotaur heads, ogre tusks and the like), beautiful old paintings of naked men and women and lots of small pictures of people Snake have had sex with. Above the king size bed there was a huge painted portrait of Snake standing on the deck of Freebird gazing into the horizon.

‘So, what did he say?’ Snake asked.
‘He wanted me to return to Skiron and run for duke against the current duke, Dazim, who he believes is useless.’

Snake made a twitch with her eye, when she heard the name Dazim. Dreamer noticed.
‘Do you know him?’
Snake shook her head. ‘No, but I knew his father; a mean b*****d,’ she said and stroked the scar on her chin. ‘Do you want to be the duke of Skiron?’

Dreamer sighed. ‘I have no idea. A part of me just want to stay here and travel the world, but there is also this part of me that wants to make a difference. We live in our own world on this airship. We travel from place to place and never get to know anybody. I would like to… be a part of the real world, you know?’

‘No, actually I don’t. I like my freedom on this airship. I only have obligations to my crew and our current client; the rest is up to me. If you travel to Skiron and become the duke, a whole city state will depend on you,’ she said and pointed at Dreamer. ‘And don’t forget why you left in the first place.’  

Dreamer looked down. ‘That’s also a part of why I want to go back. To understand where I come from and to find out who killed my parents.’
Snake took a deep breath. ‘I think it’s a mistake. You could get killed if…’
Dreamer suddenly interrupted her with determination in his voice. ‘I am sick of doing what other people tell me to do. First my parents and then you…’

Snake was shocked. ‘I have never told you what to do. On this airship you have always had freedom to do what you wanted to.’
‘As long as it was freedom on your terms. You are still the captain and you make all the calls. I want to make my own decisions.’
‘Make your own decisions? You are just doing what a stranger in a blue robe wants you to do,’ Snake yelled.
Dreamer looked Snake directly in the eyes. ‘Yes, but it’s also what I want to do.’

Snake started to say something, but stopped herself. There was an uncomfortable silence for a few seconds. Then Snake said with a low voice:
‘If that’s what you want. I will support you and so will the Misfits. If you need our help in beating that Dazim guy, we will help you.’
Dreamer smiled. ‘Thank you. I would like that,’ he said. He then tried to say something else, but couldn’t find the words. He got up and left the room.

Snake stared into thin air. Then she mechanically opened one of the drawers in the desk and found a piece of jewelry in the shape of a golden snake and clutched it hard in her hand.

***

Skiron, 11 years ago.

As they walked closer to the circus, Yanik’s heartbeat got faster. He had thought about the circus for a long time. To see the wonderful acrobats doing daring tricks, the playful clowns doing silly things and most of all; the tame bionovas. Yanik had even heard that this circus had a minotaur, just like the one in Snake’s story.

Yanik, his parents and Snake were escorted to the circus on foot by two Cordic Knights, Jezebel and her young apprentice Gregor. Yanik really liked the Cordic Knights in their characteristic red armor. They were energy-users who could channel an energy known as Xa to control fire, shoot bolts of fire from their eyes and cover their swords in flames. They were the best warriors in New Europe and acted as brave rangers, who dared to venture into the wild outside the city gates, generals, who commanded the city states armies and bodyguards, who protected people of importance; like Yanik’s father.

The circus tent was bigger than Yanik had imagined. It was as big as some of the buildings from the old ruins. It was red and yellow and covered in chains of light that made it stand out in the darkness of night. Above the entrance there was large letters spelling the words ‘Circus Zero’.

They were greeted at the entrance by the circus conductor. She was a bulky woman wearing a red jacket and a brown top hat. Her face was painted white with red circles on her cheeks and a thick black eyeliner around her eyes. When she saw them approaching, she took off her hat and made a deep bow.

‘Welcome to Circus Zero, the place where anything can and will happen, admirable duke of the marvelous city state of Skiron,’ she said with a frisky voice. ‘And a hearty welcome to your beautiful wife and a big circus welcome to your strong and handsome son.’ 

Yanik’s mother showed the conductor their tickets, and the conductor pointed them to the best seats in the circus. Jezebel told her apprentice Gregor to stay and watch the entrance, while she would stay with the duke and his family. As she was giving the orders, Yanik was staring at Gregor’s sword hanging by his side. It looked more stylish, than the one he created yesterday. He tried to remember the details, so he could recreate it later. Gregor noticed and patted the sword.

‘It’s neat, right?’ Gregor said with a smile, Yanik nodded while Gregor continued. ‘I just got it a week ago, and I can’t believe I am actually a Cordic Knight. Do you want to be one, when you grow up?’
‘Maybe,’ Yanik said, thinking that he could never be a Cordic Knight, since his powers was so different from theirs.
‘I’ll tell you what, after the show you can try my sword. But don’t tell anybody, okay?’ Gregor said and held a finger up to his lips.

Yanik smiled and nodded, then he was led to his seat by his parents. He sat between his mother and his father and watched as the crowd slowly and quietly found their seats. When everybody was seated, the lights went dim. Yanik was ready for the show, although in the back of his mind he was anxious about the journey, he would have to undertake afterwards; but he tried not to think too much about it. But the show didn’t start.

Suddenly the canvas ceiling of the circus tent was cut open and mercenaries wearing combat suits rappelled down in the circus ring. The crowd started to panic and some screamed. Jezebel got to her feet and looked at the entrance to spot Gregor. But all she saw was mercenaries with rifles and flamethrowers swarming in through the entrance and Gregor lying down, knocked out cold.

She turned to the duke. ‘You need to get out. Now.’

Constantin looked at his wife and she gave him a short nod. She knew what had to be done. Constantin whispered something in Snake’s ear, she shook her head in disbelief and looked at Yanik, but Constantin grabbed her arm and kept whispering until she reluctantly nodded. The mercenaries from the entrance was surrounding the audience while the ones in the circus ring told people to calm down or they would get shot.

Constantin then turned to Yanik. ‘Snake will take you to her airship now, okay?’
Yanik was trembling with fear. ‘But what about you?’ he said and looked at his mother, who had tears in her eyes.
‘Don’t worry about us,’ his father said and gave him a wink. ‘Jezebel will protect us.’
Yanik started to cry. ‘I won’t leave you.’
Snake grabbed him and started to run. ‘Sorry, honey,’ she whispered in his ear.

Yanik tried to get free from her grasp, but she was too strong. He was looking over her shoulder, as she ran away. He could see that his parents dropped to the ground, and Jezebel drew her sword and covered it with flames from her eyes. Then she shot fire bolts out from her eyes, that burned the mercenaries in the circus ring alive. She then drew a rifle from her back with the other arm, and started to shoot the mercenaries, that tried to shoot her, while she parried their shots with her fiery sword.

Snake got to the tent canvas and pulled out a knife to cut a hole in it. But the mercenaries that were surrounding the audience was getting too close. Instead she put Yanik down and drew her gun and started shooting mercenaries. Yanik was still crying as he saw Jezebel kill dozens of mercenaries.

Then a shadowy figure descended down through a hole in the canvas ceiling. The figure was wearing an iron mask and it’s legs was just a black mist. A jet black smoke came out of the figures eyes and floated towards Jezebel’s throat. The smoke encircled her neck and she started to choke. The figure flew closer to Jezebel and landed right in front of her as it’s legs turned solid. Then Jezebel dropped lifeless to the ground. Yanik could see the eyes of the figure behind the iron mask; they were pitch black.

Snake had killed the attacking mercenaries and  quickly cut a hole in the canvas. Yanik saw smoke emanate from the shadowy figures eyes once again. This time the smoke split in two and grasped the throat’s of his mother and father.

He screamed as loudly as he could. Snake grabbed his arm and dragged him out through the hole. One of the mercenaries Snake had shot grabbed a flamethrower from the ground and fired at Snake and Yanik, as they escaped the circus tent. The left side of Yanik’s face got badly burnt by the flames as he saw his parents bodies slump lifeless to the ground.

 

Five weeks later

After four whole days in a small village in New Asia, Snake was bored out of her mind. The first day she had a lot of fun with the only handsome man in the village, but he became dull and clingy after the first night. The second day she had the pleasure of introducing a beautiful young woman to the joys of the female body, but Snake soon lost interest in the simple girl.

The last two days she just tried to get as drunk as possible, so she didn’t have to think about the evil eyes the villagers sent her. She needed to leave this place soon or she would probably end up in a fight with the old man, who always shook his head in disgust, when she walked by him senselessly intoxicated.

She was waiting on Yanik, who was in a nearby Ivaria ashram; a small and secluded community for the Ivaria energy-users. The Ivaria were known for their healing abilities, their kindness and their wisdom. Hopefully they could help Yanik find out, why he was able create things out of thin air.

Snake was drinking at the only bar in the village, and trying to see how big a pyramid she could build out of the glasses she had emptied, when she saw little Yanik walk into the bar out of the corner of her eye. She instantly became sober and focused and walked over to the boy. He looked sadder than he used to. They sat down by an empty table and Yanik just looked down. Snake could see he was holding something in his hands.

‘What happened, Yanik?’ she asked softly.
Yanik just shook his head. ‘They couldn’t help me.’
Snake sighed. ‘So, they have never seen anyone do the things you can do?’
‘No. They wanted to help, though. But I…’
Snake held his hand. ‘What?’
‘I want to stay with you on your airship, if that’s okay?’ he said and then tears ran down his cheeks. ‘You are the only one I have left.’

Snake smiled and tousled his hair. ‘Off course you can, honey. Maybe one day, you could be me first mate.’ she said and kissed his forehead.

Yanik smiled. ‘Thank you,’ he said and opened his hands showing what he was holding. ‘I have made a present for you. Do you like it?’
Snake took the the present and turned it in the light. ‘It is beautiful,’ she said with a cheeky smile. It was a piece of jewelry shaped as a golden snake.

***

Dreamer came out of Snake’s quarters into the mess hall where the crew was sitting all too quietly. Dreamer just smiled at them and walked of the airship. Soon after Snake came out of from her quarters. She looked tired.

‘Dreamer is going back to Skiron,’ she said, and the crew acted like they hadn’t heard it through the door. ‘But he is still a Misfit, so the rest of us are going with him and trying to help him become the duke of Skiron. Just like his father.’

‘But he knows nothing about how to rule a city,’ Chef said matter-of-factly. ‘He is just a young boy, who knows how to fight and create weird stuff out of nothing.’
‘He will get advisers. Jack Jarod will probably help him,’ Snake said.
‘I don’t trust that guy,’ Torch grunted.
‘Me neither,’ Snake said. ‘That’s why we have to protect him. Because we are his friends. And we’re all he has left.’

There was a short silence. Then it was broken by Jukebox:

‘Well, I for one would love to see this Skiron city and help Dreamer out. I think this songs says it the best.’
Then Jukebox started to play Joe Cocker �" With a Little Help from my Friends.

(Hint: Play the song. If you want to stop the song, press the image again)

 

Jack Jarod was eating his dinner in his room, when he heard someone knocking at the door. He put down his utensils with a smile and opened the door. It was Dreamer on the other side. ‘I am ready to go back to Skiron.’

‘That’s great,’ Jack Jarod said and Dreamer walked into the room ‘Come in, we have a lot to talk about. First of all you have to change your name back to Yanik Gannon. We also have to…’

Then Jack Jarod closed the door behind them.

Author's Note

Is the dialogue believable? Is there too much drama in the writing?

Reviews

[AloneWeTravelThroughThe..]

Hi! I'm new here, and not sure how this works (this is my first review) so I'm not really sure of the etiquette. Please keep that in mind, as I jump right in.

I enjoyed this piece (enough to go looking for the previous chapter) but certain things--mostly pertaining to dialogue--kept me from becoming immersed in the story. I don't want to go overboard my first time out, so I'll just reference one section, but the same general comments apply to most of the dialogue.

"Dreamer began to breathe heavily. ‘I don’t… stop calling me…’ Dreamer stood up and turned his back to Jack Jarod. He took a few deep breaths and calmed himself down. He was confused. He loved his life on Freebird, but there was something inside him that wanted something else.
‘None of this makes any sense,’ Dreamer said with his back to Jack Jarod. ‘I don’t know how to be a duke.’
‘I can help you.’
Dreamer crossed his arms. ‘Do you think I have a chance?’
‘Yes. If you want it,’ Jack Jarod said with a smile. ‘Do you want it?’
Dreamer was silent for a few seconds. ‘I don’t know.’
Jack Jarod got to his feet. ‘I’m staying at The Red Lion Inn. Please let me know, when you make up your mind.’"

First and foremost, if a narrator needs to *tell* a reader what the character is feeling, it's because the emotion isn't present in the action, setting, and dialogue. "He was confused" is a glaring red flag for me here. The warning bears out. The dialogue is stilted, almost too... formal. It's missing any hint of vernacular, which makes the world-specific words/names seem less believable as well.

For example: "at the Red Lion Inn". I've stayed at a lot of hotels, motels, etc. I've never said "I'm staying at the Super 8 motel" or "I'm at the Ritz hotel". Most people don't. They say "I'm at the Ritz," or "I'm staying at the Super 8 on Main."

It's as if the speaking character assumes the other characters won't know what they're talking about. ("I can't be a duke!" vs. "I can't do this!") They inhabit the same world. Unless there's a reason for ultra-formal speech, most people, in most languages, will use slang, or drop unnecessary words, or say "Hi" instead of "Greetings and salutations".

I can tell the speech *isn't* ultra-formal because of the contractions (and even the subject matter... people tend to be less formal when whining to someone that they can't do a job!)

Of course it took some heavy thinking to figure out why it wasn't working for me. On first read it simply didn't ring true.

I don't, as the author asks, feel there was "too much drama in the writing" but I do believe the stilted dialogue made other things *seem* overly dramatic.

Other than that and a few minor inconsistencies (Dreamer introduces himself as 'Yanik' even though he seems resistant to the name and is later told he'll have to change back to 'Yanik'--which he seemingly already has) I enjoyed this chapter. I believe with some polish it could be something I would recommend.

[Dreaming Ninja]

Thank you for your feedback - and I didn't think that you went overboard at all ;)

You are absolutely right. The dialogue have been a problem for me, and it also felt wrong for me. It is not at all supposed to be formal. I'm glad that you pointed that out, so I can work on improving it in the coming chapters, and when I give the existing ones an editing overhaul.

And of course; writing that the character is confused is a big no no. Sometimes you just can't see what the problem is until someone else tells it to you.

Thank you for reading it and welcome to the site :)

[AloneWeTravelThroughTheShadows]

I'm glad. Thank you as well, for the welcome and the feedback. I tend to find myself making the same simple mistakes over and over. :) Hope it helps, and I look forward to reading further installments!