Ramblings From Within

I want to take away the hurt, take away your pain. No, not want, need. I need to take it away. Seeing you hurt is cutting me, too. Selfishness and sensibility are debatable. Why do they even care? Maybe its just an illusion. Maybe their hurtful words arent even real. Maybe we're just creating them to cause another obstacle. What do they know anyway? They dont know you. But you have me, remember? And when it's between you and me, there are no walls, no barriers, telling us what we can and cannot do. You dont have to hold back all the bitter emotions, the tears you've been waiting to cry for so long. It's just me. I will hold you as best as I can and share this pain with you. If you just let me. Stop thinking about them, it doesnt matter what they say. They dont get you like I do. I am right here beside you, wanting to help you. I dont care if loving you makes them hate me. I dont want to lose you. I've never met someone who can twist my emotions like you.

I dont even know what to think about us. Is it all wrong or all right? Because when I kiss you I get dizzy. My head is telling me one thing while my heart is screaming another. But which one is even which anymore? I cant tell. Who am I to judge this misconception? This perspective I am seeing is merely my own. Are we on 2 different pages, or even chapters? Im scared to disappoint you, and too caring to judge you. My emotions are blurred and I cant think straight anymore. Nobody has ever made me feel this way, you've probably heard that before though. But its a strange thing, you know. This time its true. And sometimes new things scare me. I think thats why Im fearful of us. Though it may feel so right now, what if it doesnt in the future? I cant lose you as this amazing person you've become in my life. But looking into your eyes I fear you only see me one way. I dont want another illusion, another figure of my imagination, another unanswered mathmatical problem. I cant stand another shredded heart trampled on the ground. You say you will never hurt me, and love, I believe. Its myself I worry about. Time has a way of changing me, you just havent been around long enough to see it. And I fear once you sense it you will disappear, just like the rest. I am my own biggest enemy.

I cant get you out of my head. I close my eyes and when I see your face I get chills throughout my entire body. Explain these emotions to me, please, because I cannot decipher them myself. It feels perfectly imbalanced. What are we even doing, who are we trying to create this "us" to be? Is there even an us? These complications are confusing and twisted, but in a good manner. You have me pacing through my thoughts, tearing down my walls, contemplating my every move. Its odd, you know. I feel like I am trying so hard, but yet I am putting in no effort. What am I even saying? I always contradict myself in the strangest ways without even meaning to. You leave me absolutely breathless. Just one look and I am lost in your eyes, lost in time, thinking about nothing and everything at the same time. What is happening to me?