Lady Liberty Please Find Me, In The Bosm of Thy Youth

A poem which tells of the growing cynicism of life which can develop as we grow older. How pointless our lives can sometimes feel. Also, it attempts to portray life as a journey with no specific destination.

 

 

 

I   In the sunrise of thy youth,

    I was blind to the truth,

    that no matter how you try,

    the strife Is destined soon to die

 

II    With advancing years the shadows creep,

      and around your world with problems deep,

      you seek to end the daily strife,

      without resort to end of life,

      but is it worth the sacrifice?

 

III    The prevalence of shadows,

       from dusk to dawn,

       regarding which you seek to warn,

       the tender youth of yesterday,

       who's love for life was swept away,

       by the raven's claws of yesterday

 

IV    And so at last you reach the end,

       like a river at Its bend,

       you find the way forever more,

       like the sea without its shore......

Reviews

[Su' Nacnetaf]

Interesting and a bit depressing. 4, 5, 6, and again 4, you returned to 4 lines in the end instead of making 7 lines as the other 3 lines were in increasing order, on purpose or accidental? The first stanza sounds to me like somthing an older man would think of when hearing a child's dream. The second one sounds much more "existentialist" (I don't know if the word exists or not) like, "why do we have to live like we do?" that kind of feeling. The third stanza seems a bit darker, I agree with Esk about using yesterday two times. The end I don't think I understood quite well, nevertheless it is the rhyming stanza which I enjoyed the most... "forever more, like the sea without its shore......" beautiful. Excellent writing.

[Voice11]

I think it was a good poem.The flow was ok. Good work though.

[Eustacia]

I was recommended your writing by my frien Dawn, I think she is Dawn Key on here, as I was quite impressed with one of your reviews on her work, so if you want to review any of my work it will be much appreciated, it's quite hard to find honest reviews.

Anyway, on to your writing :) I liked the messages in this poem about life and struggles, although in your notes for this one you say about it having no specific destination, to me, I got from this a sense of wisdom...knowing that life is a certain way, and having the foresight to see things differently, that's how I feel as I slowly get older anyway.

I really liked the first stanza the best as I can relate to it now, and what a great feeling it is to know, that whatever problems come your way, give it a little while and it will all be forgotten.

The second stanza was interesting, saying that we do our best to get through without suicide, but is all the hassle of life worth living for?

Wasn't sure about using yesterday twice in the third stanza, not that there's anything wrong with doing that of course, just for some reason didn't feel right to me. And I wasn't shore about the rhyming of the last line of the last stanza, to me, it felt a little bit forced.

Really wasn't intending to pick your poem apart, I don't usually do that, but it was such a thought prevoking poem for me personally that I wanted to share my thoughts.



Good writing.

[Eldee]

Aww, cynicism. I am glad to not have passed through the halls of pessimistic conservatives as of yet. Although, I do think that I have enough experience with the cynics of our world to understand this poem to a degree.

The rhyming scheme was very well done! I don't know if I've told you this but you have a definite gift for rhyming. In stanza three you seemed to have gotten a bit off. I don't know if you meant to not rhyme shadows, but when I was reading it, the sudden switch threw me off just a bit.

I looovvveeddd the end stanza :) A bit of prevailing light for the darkness that combines with life. Fantastic job!

[Ladysue]

Life takes you down many roads alright. In youth there is something to be said for blind to the truth, but ironically it is what we do in our youth that can have such a profound effect on our future. As the years progress life does become more complicated...full of responsibilities and life on a daily basis can seem so tiresome. The zest for life seems to take a back burner at times. I love the last stanza...life continues to flow. A very thought provoking piece and good imagery. Good work.

[BrightEyes]

life is a journey...filled with both good and bad. Often times it seems like all the smiles are overshadowed with something darker - but I wonder if that is indeed the cynicism you make note of here - simply twisting our perspective - pushing the good to the background and bringing all that makes our hearts heavy to the surface. Prior to adolescence I don't recall having a bad day, bad things that had happened, yes....but not a bad day - so I have to surmise that you are right on the money here - that our focus becomes shifted as we grow older - as our responsibilities and life begin to weigh on us.

[emmajoy]

Like the way this is constructed because it, turns a poem into a book with numbered chapters, which, in turn lays out the stages in life. I'm not sure if perhaps it would flow even more smoothly without the numbers, but, that's an observation rather than a criticism.

Thank you for sharing.

[BEEGE]

I liked this one here.
The numbered sections was a little
different for me but it was a nice divider
so to say.
Good Job.

[Wondering Mind]

A nice approach by making the poem in parts, portraying in each stanza/part a phase of one's life. Technically, the form is new to me so, I think I will research further.